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	<title type="text">Chris Chafin | Vox</title>
	<subtitle type="text">Our world has too much noise and too little context. Vox helps you understand what matters.</subtitle>

	<updated>2021-10-29T12:01:07+00:00</updated>

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				<name>Chris Chafin</name>
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			<title type="html"><![CDATA[The age of monsters]]></title>
			<link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="https://www.vox.com/the-highlight/22728918/nightmare-on-elm-street-kids-horror" />
			<id>https://www.vox.com/the-highlight/22728918/nightmare-on-elm-street-kids-horror</id>
			<updated>2021-10-29T08:01:07-04:00</updated>
			<published>2021-10-29T08:00:02-04:00</published>
			<category scheme="https://www.vox.com" term="Features" /><category scheme="https://www.vox.com" term="The Highlight" />
							<summary type="html"><![CDATA[Part of the Horror Issue of The Highlight, our home for ambitious stories that explain our world. As a kid in the 1980s, I never once saw a Nightmare on Elm Street movie, but I still grew up terrified of Freddy Krueger. I didn&#8217;t have to watch the movies to know Freddy was a knife-fingered, [&#8230;]]]></summary>
			
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<img src="https://platform.vox.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/chorus/uploads/chorus_asset/file/21899595/VOX_The_Highlight_Box_Logo_Horizontal.png?quality=90&#038;strip=all&#038;crop=0,0,100,100" alt="" title="" data-has-syndication-rights="1" data-caption="" data-portal-copyright="" />
<p>Part of the <a href="https://www.vox.com/e/22500449">Horror Issue </a>of <a href="https://www.vox.com/the-highlight">The Highlight</a>, our home for ambitious stories that explain our world.</p>
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<p>As a kid in the 1980s, I never once saw a <em>Nightmare on Elm Street</em> movie, but I still grew up terrified of Freddy Krueger. I didn&rsquo;t have to watch the movies to know Freddy was a knife-fingered, pizza-faced monster waiting to kill me in my dreams. At the time, he was the subject of chatter at the bike rack, jokes in Mad Magazine or <em>The Simpsons, </em>TV commercials, Halloween costumes, and more. You didn&rsquo;t need to find Freddy, he was going to find <em>you.</em></p>

<p>Much like today&rsquo;s entertainment landscape is fixated on superheroes, in the 1980s and 1990s, murders and monsters held an absolutely brutal dominance over pop culture. Strangely, much of it was marketed to children.&nbsp;</p>

<p>The&nbsp;time was &ldquo;a really key period in the development of horror for children,&rdquo; says Catherine Lester, the author of <em>Horror Films for Children</em> and lecturer in film and television at the University of Birmingham in the UK. In the 1980s, many factors &mdash; directors who grew up on monster movies, experimentation in what children&rsquo;s media could be and do, even the creation of the PG-13 rating &mdash; came together to let scary films for kids &ldquo;flourish a bit,&rdquo; she says.&nbsp;</p>

<p>The horror boom began, more or less, with Michael Myers hacking through a closet door in 1978&rsquo;s <em>Halloween,</em> and continued with <em>Friday the 13th </em>in 1980. Those franchises had released a combined seven films by the time Freddy came for us in <em>A Nightmare on Elm Street </em>in 1984. Over the next seven years, Jason, Freddy, and Michael Myers would star in 10 more movies. Quickly, more kid-friendly monsters also began appearing: <em>Gremlins</em> (described by <a href="https://www.tvguide.com/movies/gremlins/review/2030112295/">TV Guide</a><em> </em>as &ldquo;cynically aimed to draw an audience of small children who would no doubt be terrorized&rdquo;),<em> Beetlejuice, </em>Garbage Pail Kids, and the assorted terrors running through <em>Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark, Goosebumps, Tales From the Crypt, Tales from the Darkside, </em>and <em>Are You Afraid of the Dark? </em>Horror bled out of theaters, books, and TV screens in a million ways. According to data provided to Vox by&nbsp;costume retailer Spirit Halloween, the most popular costume in 1984 was Freddy Krueger.&nbsp;</p>

<p>Scary stories for children have an extremely long history. One researcher working at the University of Durham in the UK has been able to trace back early versions of stories like Jack and the Beanstalk, Beauty and the Beast, and Rumpelstiltskin <a href="https://www.dur.ac.uk/news/research/?itemno=27041">thousands of years</a> using techniques borrowed from the field of biology. These stories, and their descendants from Aesop to the Brothers Grimm, tucked moral lessons inside bloody tales of women lopping off their heels and itinerant tailors snipping off the appendages of little boys who won&rsquo;t stop sucking their thumbs.&nbsp;</p>

<p>&ldquo;There are lots of really obvious links between older forms of literature for children like fairy tales and children&rsquo;s horror,&rdquo; says Lester. &ldquo;You see similar themes being worked through that are common in childhood, like learning to be independent, learning to grow up, and dealing with issues with your parents.&rdquo;</p>

<p>Closer to the modern day, horror as a genre began to take shape in the 1930s, says Josie Torres Barth, a teaching assistant professor of film studies at North Carolina State University.&nbsp;</p>

<p>&ldquo;<em>Dracula</em>, <em>Frankenstein</em>, and <em>The Wolf Man</em> are the first time we think of films as being horror films,&rdquo; she explains. Crucially, the restrictive Hays Code, which dictated the content of films between 1934 and 1968, made sure that these movies were acceptable to everyone, including children. Decades later, these at least marginally kid-safe movies had second lives as TV reruns and matinee fodder aimed at children and teens, and inspired imitations like <em>I Was a Teenage Werewolf </em>and <em>Invasion of the Body Snatchers</em>. Hollywood producers, says Barth, &ldquo;realized that they have this great new target market [in teens], and they wanted to get as much money as they can.&rdquo; Throughout the 1950s and &rsquo;60s, monster movies were largely seen as kid stuff.</p>

<p>This all changed with the beginning of more serious and disturbing horror films like <em>Rosemary&rsquo;s Baby </em>and <em>The Exorcist </em>in the late 1960s and into the &rsquo;70s, though audiences didn&rsquo;t always know what they were in for. An <a href="https://www.rogerebert.com/reviews/the-night-of-the-living-dead-1968">infamous article</a> by Roger Ebert immortalized the liminal moment: Attending an early screening of 1968&rsquo;s <em>Night of the Living Dead, </em>he found his theater was full of &ldquo;kids, the kind you expect at a Saturday afternoon kiddie matinee.&rdquo; Ebert, and apparently the children&rsquo;s parents, had expected something like <em>Creature from the Black Lagoon</em>, not a genre-defining piece of socially conscious, horrifying filmmaking. The youthful&nbsp;audience watched in stunned silence as the movie &ldquo;stopped being delightfully scary about halfway through, and had become unexpectedly terrifying.&rdquo;</p>

<p>Despite exponentially increasing levels of not just violence but nudity and sex, &ldquo;Horror in the &rsquo;80s is still kind of thought of as a medium for teenage boys,&rdquo; Barth says. The films almost invariably were about teens, and were popular with them, too.&nbsp;</p>

<p>Horror films can serve many deep purposes for teens and children, says Lester. &ldquo;They can function as a social bonding exercise with peers, and help you work through certain fears and anxieties.&rdquo; But then again, she says, &ldquo;It&rsquo;s also just really fun. It&rsquo;s fun to be scared!&rdquo;&nbsp;</p>

<p>&ldquo;Let&rsquo;s face it, kids are attracted to what&rsquo;s taboo,&rdquo; says artist and writer Scott Shaw, who has contributed several times to Garbage Pail Kids. &ldquo;My parents would say, &lsquo;Oh, you can&rsquo;t watch that. That&rsquo;s too scary for you.&rsquo; Well, I&rsquo;d wait until they fell asleep, and I&rsquo;d get up and watch it, and it&rsquo;d scare the shit out of me. And I always felt great about it.&rdquo;&nbsp;</p>

<p>So what happened to the monster mania of the 1980s? Though ideas about what content is appropriate for children haven&rsquo;t changed much in the past decades, says Betsy Bozdech, executive editor of ratings and reviews for Common Sense Media, an organization that rates and categorizes what media is appropriate for a child at a given age, parents have become more involved in their offspring&rsquo;s media consumption.&nbsp;</p>

<p>&ldquo;It used to be kind of like you just said, &lsquo;Oh, you&rsquo;re going to go watch a movie over at your friend&rsquo;s house, okay,&rsquo;&rdquo; she says. Now, &ldquo;a lot of parents are trying to take a more active role in knowing and managing what their kids watch. And we have parental controls, and you can see your kids&rsquo; Netflix history, and you could know what they&rsquo;re watching &hellip; I would say that experience, and focus group testing, has probably showed [producers] that parents aren&rsquo;t really eager for little kids to be scared too early.&rdquo;&nbsp;</p>

<p>Kids, too, seemed to lose interest in the thrills that became more cheap with each sequel.</p>

<p>&ldquo;When you&rsquo;re creating something to make it feel outrageous, it gets old real fast. And after a while, outrageous just becomes mundane. And where do you take it from there?&rdquo; says Shaw. &ldquo;I think kids started saying, &lsquo;This is just an imitation of that,&rsquo; or, &lsquo;We&rsquo;ve already seen a character throwing up five times. Why do I really want to see more of this?&rsquo;&rdquo;</p>

<p>The teen slasher flicks and screamfests of the 1980s may also have simply grown up along with their audiences. Throughout the 1990s, horror veered in several directions at once. There were self-referential explorations of genre tropes like <em>Wes Craven&rsquo;s New Nightmare </em>(1994) and <em>Scream </em>(1996), as well as the rise of pseudo-horror thriller/mysteries about serial killers like <em>Silence of the Lambs </em>(1991) and <em>Seven</em> (1996), as well as some attempts to refocus on the classics of the genre, like <em>Bram Stoker&rsquo;s Dracula </em>(1992), <em>Interview With the Vampire </em>(1994), and <em>Mary Shelley&rsquo;s Frankenstein</em>&nbsp;(1994). Gone, for the most part, was the particular magic of the unreflective slasher flick, and its stranglehold on the public imagination.&nbsp;</p>

<p>Of course, horror hasn&rsquo;t disappeared as a genre, and neither has a softer, gentler version of it aimed at younger audiences. Since 2012, the monsters in <em>Hotel Transylvania </em>have starred in four movies, a TV show, three graphic novels, and several video games. There have been two <em>Happy Death Day</em> movies, and video games like the survival horror sensation <em>Five Nights at Freddy</em>&rsquo;s, which currently has nine installments and a planned film adaptation. Tim Burton is remaking <em>The Addams Family, </em>and Rob Zombie is rebooting <em>The Munsters</em>. Then there&rsquo;s <em>Stranger Things</em>, which is performing a few functions at once; adults are served heaps of nostalgia for the horror of their youth, and today&rsquo;s teens and children watch it to be scared out of their minds when their parents aren&rsquo;t looking.&nbsp;</p>

<p>And yet horror simply doesn&rsquo;t have the central space in culture it once did. Today, what scares us has changed across the ideological spectrum, says Tara Conley, assistant professor in the School of Communication and Media at Montclair State University. Gone, for the most part, is the stranger lurking in the shadows with a glinting machete. Our new boogeymen are closer to home.</p>

<p>&ldquo;Critical race theory is a boogeyman,&rdquo; says Conley. &ldquo;The war on drugs is a boogeyman. These are things that people can pinpoint and identify and connect to things they&rsquo;re concerned about morally.&rdquo;&nbsp;</p>

<p>&ldquo;There&rsquo;s recent studies around Facebook and Instagram and their impact on young girls&rsquo; perceptions of their bodies. That&rsquo;s real and observable. Black girls and the disproportionate care roles they&rsquo;ve been taking on during the pandemic. But for most folks, it&rsquo;s harder to wrap their brains around things that are happening every day that we should probably be paying a little more attention to as a society,&rdquo; says Conley.</p>

<p>Today, the dystopic reality of our lives is scarier than a few creeps who lurk in our dreams. And that&rsquo;s definitely not for kids.</p>

<p><em>Chris Chafin covers the business of culture for publications including Rolling Stone, Vulture, and the BBC. He also hosts&nbsp;</em><a href="https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/abc-movies/id1451462594"><em>a movie podcast</em></a><em>.</em></p>
<div class="wp-block-vox-media-highlight vox-media-highlight">
<p><a href="https://www.vox.com/e/22500449">More from the Horror Issue</a></p>
<img src="https://platform.vox.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/chorus/uploads/chorus_asset/file/22941807/AmericanHorror_crop3000px.jpg?quality=90&#038;strip=all&#038;crop=0,0,100,100" alt="A gray outline of the United States sits in the center of the image as drips of navy blood slide down the nation." title="A gray outline of the United States sits in the center of the image as drips of navy blood slide down the nation." data-has-syndication-rights="1" data-caption="" data-portal-copyright="Doug Chayka for Vox" /></div>
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			<title type="html"><![CDATA[What “baby bust”? New and soon-to-be parents on choosing to have kids in dark times.]]></title>
			<link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="https://www.vox.com/the-highlight/22231370/covid-coronavirus-pandemic-pregnancy-babies" />
			<id>https://www.vox.com/the-highlight/22231370/covid-coronavirus-pandemic-pregnancy-babies</id>
			<updated>2021-02-12T10:41:06-05:00</updated>
			<published>2021-02-01T11:00:00-05:00</published>
			<category scheme="https://www.vox.com" term="The Highlight" />
							<summary type="html"><![CDATA[Part of&#160;The &#8220;New&#8221; Issue&#160;of&#160;The Highlight, our home for ambitious stories that explain our world. It&#8217;s easy to look around at the absolute disaster of the past year &#8212; the coronavirus upending society, millions unemployed, a looming climate catastrophe, the continued success of The Masked Singer &#8212; and decide that no additional people should have to [&#8230;]]]></summary>
			
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<img alt="" data-caption="Despite predictions of a pandemic “baby bust” — meaning 300,000 to 500,00 fewer births this year — some are forging ahead with pregnancy, and finding Covid-19 has changed what it means to bear children now. | Ben Edwards/Getty Images" data-portal-copyright="Ben Edwards/Getty Images" data-has-syndication-rights="1" src="https://platform.vox.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/chorus/uploads/chorus_asset/file/22245280/GettyImages_78392851.jpg?quality=90&#038;strip=all&#038;crop=0,0,100,100" />
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	Despite predictions of a pandemic “baby bust” — meaning 300,000 to 500,00 fewer births this year — some are forging ahead with pregnancy, and finding Covid-19 has changed what it means to bear children now. | Ben Edwards/Getty Images	</figcaption>
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<img src="https://platform.vox.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/chorus/uploads/chorus_asset/file/21899595/VOX_The_Highlight_Box_Logo_Horizontal.png?quality=90&#038;strip=all&#038;crop=0,0,100,100" alt="" title="" data-has-syndication-rights="1" data-caption="" data-portal-copyright="" />
<p>Part of&nbsp;<a href="https://www.vox.com/e/22014742"><strong>The &ldquo;New&rdquo; Issue</strong></a>&nbsp;of&nbsp;<a href="https://www.vox.com/the-highlight"><strong>The Highlight</strong></a>, our home for ambitious stories that explain our world.</p>
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<p>It&rsquo;s easy to look around at the absolute disaster of the past year &mdash; the coronavirus upending society, millions unemployed, a looming climate catastrophe, the continued success of <em>The Masked Singer</em> &mdash; and decide that no additional people should have to suffer through existence.</p>

<p>So it made intuitive sense when researchers at the Brookings Institution published <a href="https://www.brookings.edu/research/half-a-million-fewer-children-the-coming-covid-baby-bust/">a study</a> predicting a &ldquo;COVID baby bust,&rdquo; arguing that the instability the virus has inflicted on our lives would dramatically lower the birth rate. Extrapolating from data around the 1918 influenza pandemic and the more recent Great Recession that began in 2007, the authors concluded the US would see 300,000 to 500,000 fewer births in 2021. The prediction immediately <a href="https://www.wsj.com/articles/a-covid-baby-bust-is-bad-news-for-these-businesses-11605522600">made</a> <a href="https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2020/11/covid-19-pandemic-births-baby-bust/617149/">headlines</a>.</p>

<p>Even before the pandemic, the US birthrate was already at the <a href="https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/nvsr/nvsr68/nvsr68_13-508.pdf">lowest point in American history</a>, with just 59.1 births per 1,000 women ages 15 to 44 in 2018, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. For many years, millennials&rsquo; strangled careers and high student debt helped them drive this decline, though the CDC report shows <a href="https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/nvsr/nvsr68/nvsr68_13-508.pdf">some signs</a> that they&rsquo;re belatedly coming around to parenthood. In 2018, the birthrate among women ages 30 to 34 was higher than the rate for women ages 25 to 29 for only the third time in almost 80 years. However, the pandemic, with its <a href="https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/need-extra-precautions/pregnancy-breastfeeding.html">increased risks to pregnant women</a>, seems poised to derail these trends.</p>

<p>But even if these baby bust predictions are accurate (for example, left unmentioned in the Brookings study are the millions of Americans who were off fighting in World War I for the first nine months of the 1918 flu pandemic, which surely had its own impact on the birthrate), a decline of half a million births would still mean, using <a href="https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/vsrr/vsrr-8-508.pdf">2019&rsquo;s numbers</a> as an estimate, more than 3 million babies would be born in the US in 2021. Plenty of soon-to-be and would-be parents are pregnant or trying to get pregnant despite these stressful circumstances.</p>

<p>So we decided to speak to several of them, some of whom sheepishly admitted their good fortune in a time of widespread loss, managing to keep their jobs and stay with their partners. Others felt as though the window of their lives wherein they&rsquo;re able to have a child was rapidly closing, and there wasn&rsquo;t a lot of reason to wait. Over and over again,&nbsp;we heard a sense of&nbsp;optimism for the future &mdash; even if these expectant parents admitted it was, quite possibly, irrational.</p>

<p>But having a child always involves an element of irrational optimism. &ldquo;We&rsquo;re generally optimistic people!&rdquo; one of the parents, Elisa, told us. Universally, the parents we spoke to were looking past the pandemic and imagining the world on the other side, seeing themselves there with their new children. For them, the pandemic was no match for this prenatal magical thinking, much to the relief of the future of humanity.</p>
<h2 class="wp-block-heading">Scott (47), baby born in December 2020</h2>
<p>We found out we were pregnant right at the strike of the lockdown in California. Coronavirus wasn&rsquo;t a really huge worry just yet. It was like something far off &mdash; we heard rumors it was coming. But the idea of things being locked down, that danger felt immediate, and all of a sudden we were very worried about everything. We were like, &ldquo;What does this mean? What does this mean about doctors?&rdquo; We heard rumors that maybe dads were not going to be able to be in delivery rooms. We heard all these things about extra dangers. Just layers and layers of new stresses on top of what was there already. Plus, this is our first baby. We had no idea about all this stuff.</p>

<p>Throughout the entire pregnancy, we would go to see her OB, and I would wait in the parking lot and they would FaceTime me. I saw the ultrasound on FaceTime. I tried to hear the heartbeats and stuff, but &hellip; that was one thing I couldn&rsquo;t share with her. But also, we had nothing to compare it to, you know?</p>

<p>In the beginning, we were scared. But it did kind of help having to stay at home, especially for Meaghan, not having to go into work. She couldn&rsquo;t believe how people do it, how women are able to go in and just function at a job, especially when they&rsquo;re having to keep it a secret, probably, for the first three months. She couldn&rsquo;t imagine the hassle of riding the subway while she was pregnant, and if we were in New York, that&rsquo;s what she would have had to be doing. That&rsquo;s just the normal thing.</p>

<p>We had the advantage of having to stay at home. Lockdown was perfectly designed for the nesting that we were getting ready to do, you know? To be forced to be here was actually a very wonderful thing.</p>

<p>Having a baby is the most welcome, wonderful distraction throughout this entire lockdown. Having that to look forward to and that to focus on, it&rsquo;s like more so than anything else, more than any other time we are nesting, forced to nest together in this little house. We&rsquo;re not seeing people, so why not have this baby join us? We&rsquo;re able to truly focus on a baby in a way that maybe we wouldn&rsquo;t have been able to if we weren&rsquo;t in lockdown.</p>

<p>And it&rsquo;s not going to last forever, the Covid thing. We&rsquo;ll come out of it, and it will be great and back to a new normal of some sort. But growing with [our daughter] like this and experiencing her in the beginning like this is actually a pretty pleasant way to experience lockdown.</p>
<h2 class="wp-block-heading">Emily (33), 33 weeks pregnant (also has an 18-month-old son)</h2>
<p>It was unexpected. We didn&rsquo;t really consider terminating it, per se, because I&rsquo;m not in my 20s anymore. And the timing is not <em>so</em> bad &mdash; I mean, the fact that there is a pandemic was not enough of a deterrent for me.&nbsp;This is not a <em>Walking Dead </em>situation. Though even then, they still had the baby in that show.</p>

<p>Finding out I was pregnant was pretty much a total shock. I mean, honestly, I thought that maybe there was some other medical reason for getting a positive pregnancy test, because we were just so not expecting it. But then I had my appointments, and it was confirmed.</p>

<p>It was a very strange time. At that point, people were still adjusting to lockdown. We were taking a lot of precautions. I wear the mask and the face shield sometimes, when I&rsquo;m feeling more nervous. I&rsquo;m that person. But also, we did the food delivery. We were wiping everything down. And, of course, wearing the masks, not really seeing anyone.</p>

<p>I remember reading some comments on different postings for pregnant women that were like, &ldquo;It&rsquo;s selfish to have a baby right now. It&rsquo;s wrong to bring a baby into this kind of environment.&rdquo; I didn&rsquo;t really see it as wrong, I guess.</p>
<div class="wp-block-vox-media-highlight vox-media-highlight"><h2 class="wp-block-heading">More from the “New” Issue</h2><img src="https://platform.vox.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/chorus/uploads/chorus_asset/file/22261943/jan_2021_highlight_cover.jpg?quality=90&#038;strip=all&#038;crop=0,0,100,100" alt="" title="" data-has-syndication-rights="1" data-caption="" data-portal-copyright="" /></div>
<p>I&rsquo;m still under 35, so it&rsquo;s not like I&rsquo;m at a point where there were major red flags for me to be able to get pregnant again. But at the same time, I do still see it as something that&rsquo;s a real gift. And I didn&rsquo;t feel like it was something I could let the environment of the pandemic control. I felt like it&rsquo;s within my hands to try to make this baby that I&rsquo;m pregnant with &mdash; and then, of course, my son &mdash; as safe as possible. So I didn&rsquo;t feel like there was no hope, sort of. There was never a point where I felt like this is going to just totally be the end of New York or anything. It just felt like we would be able to overcome this.</p>

<p>I am a little nervous about [giving birth] because, I mean, wearing a mask and pushing could be really hard, or just being in the hospital as the infection rate&rsquo;s going up is pretty scary to me. So I&rsquo;ve definitely had moments when I really think about that, and that just really does scare me. Hopefully, it will be fine.</p>
<h2 class="wp-block-heading">Meghann (36), 31 weeks pregnant</h2>
<p>For me, even though everything is crazy, this is the best time. I run a business that&rsquo;s going well, and my husband&rsquo;s home. We just extended our lease. So I&rsquo;m like, &ldquo;Everything&rsquo;s balanced for me, so I feel ready to have a child.&rdquo; I&rsquo;m lucky. I feel really blessed that I feel stable now, when a lot of my friends and family are not, so there just didn&rsquo;t seem to be a reason to wait.</p>

<p>I&rsquo;m a born-and-raised New Yorker and still live here. I have felt really grateful for that this year. I don&rsquo;t live in a small town. I&rsquo;m half-black, so my kid&rsquo;s going to be biracial. I think about raising a biracial child in America, and I don&rsquo;t have to worry about that as much, I feel like, here in New York. But I know that would definitely have been a factor if I lived out in the middle of nowhere, or in Trump country.</p>

<p>One of the hardest parts is that [my husband] is not allowed at any of my regular doctor&rsquo;s appointments because of Covid restrictions. [At one appointment], they found an abnormality, and it was horrible because I was by myself. I had to hear that. That has been difficult, but he just comes and waits outside, and then I show him the pictures.</p>

<p>At first, I was really mad because I was, like, &ldquo;How come all these people get to go to brunch and you can&rsquo;t come in and look at the baby?&rdquo; I found that really frustrating. It has made me very angry at people that I know, how they&rsquo;re treating it. It seems very selfish. Then I started to think about people who just, in general, need assistance at medical facilities, who can&rsquo;t have anybody with them helping them, ever. I think that aspect of it is really upsetting. That&rsquo;s been the worst part of it, I think.</p>

<p>I haven&rsquo;t been feeling really well, and I don&rsquo;t feel like myself. I feel like I can&rsquo;t do normal things. I don&rsquo;t have the energy. I don&rsquo;t feel well all the time. Then there&rsquo;s this added thing of, when I do have energy, I can&rsquo;t go out and run my errands. I can&rsquo;t go out and just get a bunch of stuff done. So I think sometimes that does get to me, and I do get very upset. I&rsquo;m usually very energetic. I don&rsquo;t ask my husband to help me with anything, and now I&rsquo;m asking him to get stuff down for me; I can&rsquo;t get on the stepladder. It&rsquo;s just a lot of relying on someone else that I usually don&rsquo;t do.</p>

<p>Still, I feel optimistic about having a baby now, because no matter what is happening in the world, I know he will be loved and cared for by my husband and I, as well as his extended family. The last year has brought lots into perspective. Everything is fragile and can change at any time. Knowing that on another level now will make my son even more loved, somehow. I am optimistic that I am in the best possible headspace to care for my baby and make him my number one priority.</p>
<h2 class="wp-block-heading">Elisa (33), 34 weeks pregnant (also has a 3-year-old son)</h2>
<p>We knew we wanted to have another kid, and with my son it took longer than we expected. [At the beginning of the pandemic], we were like, &ldquo;I&rsquo;m sure it&rsquo;ll take a while, so we might as well start trying. By the time we actually get pregnant, the pandemic will probably be over.&rdquo; I think we were optimistic.</p>

<p>I really, honestly didn&rsquo;t think I would get pregnant so fast. Last time around, we&rsquo;d had some help from a fertility clinic. Both of us were cognizant that it could work without any additional help; we knew it was a possibility. But there was some element that, if it happens, it&rsquo;s such an awesome thing that it happens with zero outside help. It would be almost like a sign, and we&rsquo;d be so happy for it that it&rsquo;d be fine. And it did; it just happened very quickly.</p>

<p>Maybe it&rsquo;s like a psychological trick to make yourself feel better, but I don&rsquo;t regret it. But it&rsquo;s definitely been a challenge to be pregnant and &mdash; soon &mdash; to be delivering in a pandemic.</p>

<p>I would say we were always very careful about Covid, but relative to people around us we were maybe on the less neurotically careful side. We always wore our masks, and we washed our hands, and we didn&rsquo;t hang out with people, but I don&rsquo;t feel like myself or my husband were, like, super-anxious about getting sick and, like, sanitizing the Amazon packages. We knew people who were that extreme. And to each their comfort levels!</p>

<p>I think the scariest part was when New York was really bad in the early spring. That felt very scary. Just like the vibe was very sad, and it was just overwhelming to think about how many people were impacted. Honestly, even then, we knew we were lucky enough to be working from home in our little bubble. We kept our jobs; we just didn&rsquo;t feel as exposed as I think a lot of communities did. And maybe that made us more grateful and less worried.</p>

<p>For the first pregnancy, it&rsquo;s just so many doctor&rsquo;s appointments. This time, I basically didn&rsquo;t have a doctor&rsquo;s appointment between month four and week, like, 30. Two months where all I had was a televisit &mdash; they make you take your own blood pressure at home. I had to buy this, like, blood-pressure cuff. I feel like, for kid one, that would have freaked me out, but for kid two I was like, cool, I know what feels normal, and I love avoiding doctor&rsquo;s appointments.</p>

<p>If I take a deep breath and I&rsquo;m in a good place, I have zero regrets. And if anything, I feel such excitement about getting to bring this little human into the world and having this positive thing to look forward to. I mean, we&rsquo;re in a bubble anyway &mdash; when you have a newborn, you&rsquo;re not really doing much.</p>

<p>But then we definitely have these moments where we&rsquo;re like, oh, my god. It feels a little bit like we&rsquo;re making some compromises we wouldn&rsquo;t have had to make if we&rsquo;d waited. In those moments, I think,&nbsp;I hope we did the right thing. Even when they told me I had low amniotic fluid, and I hadn&rsquo;t been to the doctor in two and a half months, I thought, how long has this been the case and I didn&rsquo;t know? Would they have caught it earlier? You get in your head about how this could have played out differently if I&rsquo;d waited. In those moments, there&rsquo;s some doubt and angst. But at the same time, you never know how long this is going to last, and there&rsquo;s never a good time.</p>

<p>We&rsquo;re generally optimistic people! Maybe that is a determining factor in having a child in a pandemic. In some ways it&rsquo;s scary, but in other ways it&rsquo;s like, it will get better. In the grand scheme of my child&rsquo;s life, this is a blip.</p>

<p><em>Chris Chafin covers the business of culture for publications including Rolling Stone, Vulture, and the BBC, and previously wrote for the Highlight about </em><a href="https://www.vox.com/the-highlight/2020/6/12/21286792/fathers-covid-19-coronavirus-dads-work-from-home"><em>fatherhood</em></a><em> during the pandemic. He also hosts&nbsp;</em><a href="https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/30-years-later/id1516204907"><em>a movie podcast</em></a><em>.</em></p>
<hr class="wp-block-separator" /><div class="wp-block-vox-media-highlight vox-media-highlight"><h2 class="wp-block-heading"><a href="https://www.vox.com/e/22014742">More from the “New” Issue</a></h2><img src="https://platform.vox.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/chorus/uploads/chorus_asset/file/22261923/jan_issue_cover_still.jpg?quality=90&#038;strip=all&#038;crop=0,0,100,100" alt="An illustration of flowers growing over buildings, with the word “new” in balloon letters in the sky above them." title="An illustration of flowers growing over buildings, with the word “new” in balloon letters in the sky above them." data-has-syndication-rights="1" data-caption="" data-portal-copyright="Shreya Gupta for Vox" /></div>
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			<title type="html"><![CDATA[Fights, naps, chaos, and cuddles: 4 dads on how the pandemic transformed their notion of fatherhood]]></title>
			<link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="https://www.vox.com/the-highlight/2020/6/12/21286792/fathers-covid-19-coronavirus-dads-work-from-home" />
			<id>https://www.vox.com/the-highlight/2020/6/12/21286792/fathers-covid-19-coronavirus-dads-work-from-home</id>
			<updated>2020-06-19T09:02:59-04:00</updated>
			<published>2020-06-19T09:00:00-04:00</published>
			<category scheme="https://www.vox.com" term="Features" /><category scheme="https://www.vox.com" term="Gender" /><category scheme="https://www.vox.com" term="Life" /><category scheme="https://www.vox.com" term="The Highlight" />
							<summary type="html"><![CDATA[Like most of America&#8217;s 37 million families with children under 18, I&#8217;ve been at home with my child all day, every day since the start of widespread coronavirus lockdowns. There is no escape from parenting &#8212; no bar, no office, no work event I absolutely can&#8217;t miss. It&#8217;s a stereotype to say all fathers are [&#8230;]]]></summary>
			
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<p>Like most of America&rsquo;s 37 million families with children under 18, I&rsquo;ve been at home with my child all day, every day since the start of widespread coronavirus lockdowns. There is no escape from parenting &mdash; no bar, no office, no work event I absolutely can&rsquo;t miss. It&rsquo;s a stereotype to say all fathers are absent to some degree, but for my part, I&rsquo;ll say I never imagined spending months on end sitting on the couch playing with my baby.&nbsp;</p>

<p>Even before lockdown, American dads were putting in more time parenting and helping around the house than ever before. According to <a href="https://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2019/06/12/fathers-day-facts/">Pew Research data</a>, the average dad today spends almost three times as much of his week on child care and housework as his predecessor did in 1965 &mdash; now 8 and 10 hours per week, respectively &mdash; though moms continue to contribute almost twice that. Dads are also more likely to stay home to look after their kids, though the numbers are still low. Only 7 percent of fathers are stay-at-home, accounting for just 17 percent of all stay-at-home parents, though it&rsquo;s a dramatic upswing from the number who stayed home in 1989.&nbsp;But perhaps most importantly, more&nbsp;than half of American fathers now report thinking parenting is central to their identity.</p>

<p>So this if this was where fathers were <em>before</em> coronavirus, how has being suddenly and involuntarily confined with their families challenged them? Have they realized they are happy to be home and don&rsquo;t actually need validation from work? Or are they going quietly off the walls, desperate to get back to a &ldquo;normal&rdquo; life?&nbsp;</p>

<p>Vox spoke with fathers in different walks of life,&nbsp;to see who we are now that we&rsquo;re all stay-at-home dads.</p>
<hr class="wp-block-separator" /><h2 class="wp-block-heading">“I felt really out of my strong suit”</h2>
<p><strong>Jason Kart, </strong><em>physical therapist, Chicago, Illinois</em></p>

<p><em>Three children: 4.5, 2.5, 8 months</em></p>

<p>Long story short, business pretty much collapsed. When the stay at home order was issued, downtown Chicago completely emptied out. In two weeks, I went from seeing 13 or 14 patients a day to sitting at lunch watching <em>The Price Is Right</em>. It has actually picked up a little, and I&rsquo;ve been allowed to keep treating patients because I&rsquo;m an essential worker.&nbsp;</p>

<p>My wife quit her job. She&rsquo;s a physical therapist at a hospital, but she had her hours cut by 66 percent, which you never see happen with in-patient physical therapists. We were looking at it, and she didn&rsquo;t have set hours, and I still had patients, and one of us had to be home with the kids. She was unhappy with the workplace anyway, but she decided that was the breaking point. I didn&rsquo;t like the job, and I thought she could do better. It&rsquo;s like, they weren&rsquo;t doing anything for her, so why should she go in and increase her risk? The hospitals are where the sick people are. So that was really the final straw.&nbsp;</p>

<p>Before my wife quit her job, I was working set hours Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. I was watching the kids Tuesdays and Thursdays. My wife&rsquo;s aunt, who&rsquo;s a schoolteacher, would also come up and watch them for a little bit.&nbsp;</p>

<p>I had to do a lot of adjusting. I didn&rsquo;t typically have to do all-day care with the kids prior to this, although when my wife had to work a weekend or holiday I did, and that was always a big challenge for me. I&rsquo;m not as naturally gifted in the child care department. I&rsquo;m not as creative; I have less patience with them. I felt really out of my strong suit. There were a lot of things I had to learn in order to direct three little people and keep them alive from when my wife left to when she came home, and retain some sanity. So the actual full day, keep them entertained, get them fed, make sure snack time&rsquo;s there, put them down for their naps &mdash; I really had to shift gears, in a time where I had almost no mental bandwidth.&nbsp;</p>

<p>I definitely grew a new appreciation for my wife and her ability to do this, because she&rsquo;s been the one that&rsquo;s keeping us all together, keeping the kids sane, keeping me sane.&nbsp;My work is my creativity, and once that started to peter out, I felt rudderless. So I threw more energy into trying to help around the house and up my dad skills.&nbsp;</p>

<p>Some days were phenomenal, if everyone was in a good mood. We got to play, no stress. But other days, we were potty training and we&rsquo;d have an accident, or someone won&rsquo;t go down for a nap, or someone is mad they can&rsquo;t watch more TV because we&rsquo;re trying to limit their screen time. It really depended on the day. The hard part for me was just maintaining mental bandwidth, because I&rsquo;m getting stressed about what I&rsquo;m doing here at the office versus what I need to do at home, and there&rsquo;s things I need to do there I can&rsquo;t do because I&rsquo;m here, and a lot of stressful decisions to make.&nbsp;</p>

<p>It wasn&rsquo;t easy, but it helped to develop a plan and get a little more creative. We ironed it out, and I&rsquo;m finding I appreciate it more. Every morning, the kids come in the room and we get to snuggle for five or 10 minutes. Who gets to do that on a Tuesday? That&rsquo;s the stuff I&rsquo;m kind of clinging to, because that&rsquo;s the stuff you don&rsquo;t get back.&nbsp;</p>
<hr class="wp-block-separator" /><h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong>“</strong>This is the most time I’ve spent with my kids, ever”</h2>
<p><strong>Zach Pollakoff</strong>, <em>music producer, temporarily relocated to Vermont from Brooklyn</em></p>

<p><em>Two children: 3, 9 months</em></p>

<p>We don&rsquo;t have garbage pickup here, and I started taking garbage to the dump in the first week, and that&rsquo;s sort of my responsibility now. I put a big sign on the refrigerator that says &ldquo;Hump day is dump day,&rdquo; and I go every Wednesday.&nbsp;</p>

<p>I think, without question, this is the most time I&rsquo;ve spent with my kids, ever. I&rsquo;ve spoken to a lot of parents, and [being on lockdown] is significantly more challenging than we thought it would be. I now understand why we&rsquo;ve as a culture arranged our days to get a break from our home life, and our work life. I think the physical act of being in another place sort of creates a mental container around those spaces. And I think that is really beneficial for your mental health.&nbsp;</p>

<p>What I had that I&rsquo;m lacking now is just alone time. Today, my wife worked most of the morning, and I scheduled a chunk of meetings &mdash; a 3 o&rsquo;clock, a 4 o&rsquo;clock, and a 5 o&rsquo;clock &mdash; so it would be an easy trade. That&rsquo;s my alone time for today. Other days, I really relish my short drive to the dump and back, when I can roll down the windows and blast some music, just for a little period of time.&nbsp;</p>

<p>We really aim to have an equitable relationship in regard to parenting. It&rsquo;s a lot of fucking work. I don&rsquo;t think that our roles have changed. Sort of different than [before the pandemic]: We&rsquo;re also looking out for each other. A lot of the time we&rsquo;re parenting [under normal circumstances], we&rsquo;re together. One parent can watch one kid while the other watches the other kid. Now we&rsquo;re mostly parenting alone, with the exception maybe of dinner, bath, and bed, where we can kind of tag-team a little bit. One thing I&rsquo;m really grateful for is my wife just being aware. She keeps doing this thing where she sees me losing my patience and says, &ldquo;Hey, let&rsquo;s switch. You take the other kid, and I&rsquo;ll take who you&rsquo;ve got.&rdquo; That is a tiny gift that she can give every once in a while.&nbsp;</p>
<hr class="wp-block-separator" /><h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong>“</strong>Once I got in the flow, my mental health got better than it’s been in 10 years”</h2>
<p><strong>Juan Comas</strong>, <em>art fabricator, Tallahassee, Florida</em></p>

<p><em>Two children: 10, 8</em></p>

<p>The two weeks before we went into quarantine, I&rsquo;d just moved from full time to two days a week [at my job]. My wife&rsquo;s job is really intense and has a lot of travel. She makes three times as much money as me, so her job is far more important than mine. I was ready to be home and get some stuff done.&nbsp;</p>

<p>It was when school started that it got intense. You have an 8- and a 10-year-old getting their full course load sent home every day. My wife has to work nonstop; she&rsquo;s on Zoom all day, so I was helping with school.&nbsp;&nbsp;</p>

<p>The first two weeks were infuriating. I tried to not get too pissed at the schools and the teachers, because it&rsquo;s not like this is something they were prepared for. But they send out the work and there&rsquo;s, like, 10 different websites and Google Pages links and places to upload work, and everything has to go to its separate place.&nbsp;</p>

<p>The websites weren&rsquo;t made to handle the traffic they were getting; they were all super buggy. We had thought one kid could use the computer and the other could use the iPad, but we found out real quick that, no, none of this stuff works on the iPad. Then it became, okay, my son has to do this work from this time to this time on the computer, and my daughter has to do this stuff, and that changes from day to day.&nbsp;</p>

<p>After two weeks, I was like, I&rsquo;m getting serious. We&rsquo;re going to do a full schedule, and we&rsquo;re going to do everything by alarms, and without that, I would not have survived.&nbsp;</p>

<p>My kids hated each other at the beginning. They wanted to murder each other, constantly fighting.</p>

<p>[Before quarantine,] we saw each other for half an hour a day, which is basically how families are. Two parents that work and two kids that stay at school as long as they can doing stuff, you get home from all of the shit, you&rsquo;re racing to make dinner, and then it&rsquo;s time to go to sleep. You feel like you&rsquo;re at another job where everyone&rsquo;s racing around, and you&rsquo;re shouting, &ldquo;Go there! Go there! Now shut up and go to sleep, and I&rsquo;ll see you tomorrow!&rdquo;&nbsp;</p>

<p>And now it&rsquo;s like Little House on the Prairie. It&rsquo;s a complete turnaround, but I&rsquo;ll tell you I kind of love it.&nbsp;</p>

<p>If I can make a meal and fix an appliance and teach the kids something, I&rsquo;ve always gotten way more out of that than being at work. So I&rsquo;ve always kind of wanted this &mdash; I just didn&rsquo;t know that I did this much, or how it would be when it happened.&nbsp;</p>

<p>At first, it was crazy and I was like, I don&rsquo;t know if I can handle this. But once I got in the flow, my mental health got better than it&rsquo;s been in 10 years. You&rsquo;re getting a taste of something more fulfilling, which is something we&rsquo;ve kind of ditched as a society. For many people, it&rsquo;s like, &ldquo;Now I have kids, and now I need a nanny, and I&rsquo;ll see them in a week.&rdquo; I&rsquo;ve gotten a lot out of it.&nbsp;</p>

<p>At its worst, I still feel like it&rsquo;s better than it was when everyone had a bad day separately and then came home and were all angry. I&rsquo;ve learned to defuse any situation before it happens. I can see all these little clues I didn&rsquo;t have time to see before.&nbsp;</p>
<hr class="wp-block-separator" /><h2 class="wp-block-heading">“After a while, it was really clear that we needed to find some other approach”  </h2>
<p><strong>Erik Botsford</strong>, <em>New York government worker temporarily in Florida</em></p>

<p><em>Two children: twins, 12&nbsp;</em></p>

<p>We&rsquo;re here with my mother, in my mother&rsquo;s house.&nbsp;</p>

<p>One of my sons loves this and said he never wants to go back to the old way. Today, he told me he had a nightmare where he was back in school. That was it; that was the entire nightmare. My other son is doing fine, but I think he&rsquo;s really missing the in-person social aspect of school and is really feeling it. It&rsquo;s a tough thing to get them connected with their friends. We&rsquo;re working at it.&nbsp;</p>

<p>I&rsquo;ve been reading a lot of parenting advice online. A lot of it said, let things slide, this is extraordinary for everybody, it&rsquo;s really a pick-your-battles moment, and this isn&rsquo;t one you want to pick. So we did that for a while: Whatever, you&rsquo;re on the computer from 9 am to 6 pm basically nonstop, you know, no biggie. But after a while, it was really clear that we needed to find some other approach.&nbsp;</p>

<p>I mean, we haven&rsquo;t hit on it yet. That goes for me and my husband, too. We&rsquo;re both working full time from home, on video calls all day, and it&rsquo;s exhausting. It&rsquo;s way different than in-person working. Having to kind of do that full time while also, in the back of my mind, at 2 in the afternoon when I usually wouldn&rsquo;t have to worry about too much because my kids are in school and their day is planned out, I&rsquo;d be like, now I gotta go figure out if they&rsquo;re gonna do their exercise today. That creates an added layer of complexity and stress and all this.&nbsp;</p>

<p>I have a lot of colleagues who have young children, and having been there and been a stay-at-home parent, that&rsquo;s the real struggle. I&rsquo;m not in a bad boat. When I was at home with twins, there were big stretches where it was just me, at home, in the apartment, in the middle of winter. This is nothing compared to that. That was way harder.</p>

<p>When it came time to decide who would stay at home, it was a financial decision.</p>

<p>But I really wanted to do the primary caregiving. It was something I&rsquo;d been looking forward to, and I wanted that level of control over the care of my children. I was excited to be able to take them around the city and do activities with them. I wouldn&rsquo;t trade that for anything in the world, but it doesn&rsquo;t mean it wasn&rsquo;t hard sometimes, and exhausting and isolating.&nbsp;</p>

<p>Now, not to say it&rsquo;s not stressful because of everything happening in the world that causes so much stress for everyone, but we&rsquo;re all here together. My husband is here, my mother is here, we&rsquo;re all in the same house together, so labor is spread across a whole bunch of additional people.&nbsp;</p>

<p>It has been a really good thing to be able to spend so much time together with my husband and my kids, and my mother. But it&rsquo;s hard to talk about things like this in a pandemic, and the pandemic is the reason for it.&nbsp;Because it&rsquo;s not something you&rsquo;d want to prolong in any way. But there are aspects of it that are so &hellip; unique. You have to find in it things that are positive for you and your family.&nbsp;</p>

<p><em>Chris Chafin covers the business of culture for publications including Rolling Stone, Vulture, and the BBC. He also hosts&nbsp;</em><a href="https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/abc-movies/id1451462594"><em><strong>a movie podcast</strong></em></a><em>.</em></p>
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			<title type="html"><![CDATA[Gender-neutral baby clothes: a quietly radical movement]]></title>
			<link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="https://www.vox.com/the-highlight/2020/2/12/21078915/gender-neutral-clothing-baby-clothes-target-gap" />
			<id>https://www.vox.com/the-highlight/2020/2/12/21078915/gender-neutral-clothing-baby-clothes-target-gap</id>
			<updated>2020-02-21T21:19:22-05:00</updated>
			<published>2020-02-19T06:50:00-05:00</published>
			<category scheme="https://www.vox.com" term="Gender" /><category scheme="https://www.vox.com" term="Life" /><category scheme="https://www.vox.com" term="Money" /><category scheme="https://www.vox.com" term="The Highlight" />
							<summary type="html"><![CDATA[Part of the Gender Issue of The Highlight, our home for ambitious stories that explain our world. When Laura Hunter wanted to buy a gift for a coworker&#8217;s baby shower, she did what a lot of people who need baby gifts in a hurry do: She drove to a big-box retailer, in this case Buy [&#8230;]]]></summary>
			
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<p><em>Part of the </em><a href="https://vox.com/2020/2/19/21122727/gender-issue-february"><em>Gender Issue</em></a><em> of </em><a href="https://www.vox.com/the-highlight"><em>The Highlight</em></a><em>, our home for ambitious stories that explain our world.</em></p>
<hr class="wp-block-separator" />
<p>When Laura Hunter wanted to buy a gift for a coworker&rsquo;s baby shower, she did what a lot of people who need baby gifts in a hurry do: She drove to a big-box retailer, in this case Buy Buy Baby. Looking for a particular swaddle &mdash; a long strip of fabric that is wrapped around a newborn to comfort them to sleep &mdash; she flagged down a sales associate.&nbsp;</p>

<p>As they twisted and turned through the aisles, the associate stopped short to ask Hunter an important question: Was this swaddle for a girl baby or a boy baby?&nbsp;</p>

<p>&ldquo;It took me aback,&rdquo; says Hunter, an attorney living in Washington, DC. &ldquo;It&rsquo;s a swaddle for a baby. It&rsquo;s just a baby. It&rsquo;s a blanket!&rdquo;&nbsp;</p>

<p>Jennifer Marmor, a podcast producer in Los Angeles, told her family and friends she didn&rsquo;t know the sex of her child when she was pregnant because she thought it was the simplest and least confrontational way to make sure she got gender-neutral clothes (in fact, she knew she was having a boy).</p>

<p>Shopping on her own, she was constantly surprised by how aggressively gendered everything was. Browsing in Target, she says, she&rsquo;d find a cute onesie, notice she was in the girls&rsquo; section, and think, &ldquo;Well, this doesn&rsquo;t <em>scream </em>girl,&rdquo; before noticing an overt and (to her) pointless feminine detail, like &ldquo;ruffles on the butt.&rdquo;</p>

<p>Americans are obsessed with the sex of their newborns. Expectant parents are so seized with gender-reveal mania that they&rsquo;re accidentally <a href="https://tucson.com/news/local/video-shows-explosion-at-border-agent-s-gender-reveal-party/article_8bdd526a-f1bc-11e8-ae15-73c74c343664.html">setting wildfires</a>, <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2019/11/08/us/gender-reveal-plane-crash.html">crashing planes</a>, and even <a href="https://www.cnn.com/2019/10/27/us/gender-reveal-death-intl-hnk-scli/index.html">killing people</a> in ever-wilder stunts. Visit <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Baby-Clothing-Shoes/b?ie=UTF8&amp;node=7147444011">Amazon</a> for baby clothes and you&rsquo;re asked to pick a sex before you can see any merchandise. Retailers such as <a href="https://www.gap.com/browse/category.do?cid=14249#pageId=0&amp;department=166&amp;mlink=1137869,7924390,DP_VCN_1_BABY_G27656_IMAGE">the Gap</a>, <a href="https://www.gerberchildrenswear.com/">Gerber</a>, and Walmart all sort newborn clothing into boy and girl categories by default &mdash; indeed, this is the most common way to encounter baby clothes.&nbsp;</p>

<p>This isn&rsquo;t limited to children. Finding clothes that match your gender identity is fraught, even when an adult is making a decision about their own clothes for their own body. But how do you navigate sartorial choices for someone else, especially when that person hasn&rsquo;t made any determination about their identity, or hasn&rsquo;t even been born yet?</p>

<p>Marmor would freeze, not knowing what to do. On the one hand, who cares? But on the other, she says, buying an explicitly, pointedly gendered piece of clothing for a baby of the opposite sex &ldquo;feels like a statement that I don&rsquo;t necessarily want to make, either: &lsquo;I&rsquo;m going to put my boy in clothes clearly for a girl!&rsquo;&rdquo;&nbsp;</p>

<p>Hunter had similar problems. &ldquo;I brought home a cute pair of overalls with a striped yellow tee underneath them,&rdquo; for her infant son, she says. &ldquo;Someone told me, &lsquo;Oh, no, that&rsquo;s for girls. See the frilled collar and ruffled bottom?&rsquo; Like, he&rsquo;s 5 months old. Why can&rsquo;t it just be a cute pair of overalls with a onesie?&rdquo;&nbsp;</p>

<p>Hunter and Marmor are among a group of new parents fueling a backlash to the hypergendered world of newborns. Parents give lots of reasons for rejecting the options currently on the market: wanting to reuse infant clothes for future children who could be of either sex; not wanting to advertise a love of trucks their infant almost certainly doesn&rsquo;t have; being surprised at the tastelessness of so many infant clothes; or, yes, feeling uncomfortable enforcing gender norms. While there are some gender-neutral items on the market, they can require a huge amount of expert online shopping to find. An expectant or new parent casually visiting the site of a big retailer could easily miss them.&nbsp;</p>

<p>Yet<strong> </strong>every well-meaning parent is terrified of unintentionally doing damage to their child, whether that means feeding them food that turns out to be unsafe, buying a crib that&rsquo;s later recalled for some ghastly hazard, or a million other accidental disasters. And with the recent increase in<strong> </strong>support for transgender people (a 2019 <a href="https://www.prri.org/research/americas-growing-support-for-transgender-rights/">study</a> from the nonpartisan Public Religion Research Institute found that 62 percent of Americans said they have become more supportive toward transgender rights over the past five years), some parents are worried about forcing a gender identity on a child.</p>

<p>But above all, many new parents like Hunter and Marmor are asking themselves, isn&rsquo;t a baby &hellip; just a baby?&nbsp;</p>
<hr class="wp-block-separator" />
<p><strong>Wind back the clock just over 100 years</strong> and you&rsquo;d be hard-pressed to tell an infant boy from an infant girl, says Jo Paoletti, a professor emeritus at the University of Maryland and the author of several books on the history of the gendering of children&rsquo;s clothing, including 2012&rsquo;s <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Pink-Blue-Telling-Girls-America/dp/025300117X"><em>Pink and Blue: Telling the Boys From the Girls in America</em></a>.</p>

<p>How we ended up in a culture so obsessed with the gender identity of infants turns out to be a complicated, century-long tale involving everything from Sigmund Freud to 1980s advances in medical technology.&nbsp;</p>

<p>For most of the history of the Western world, Paoletti says, infants were considered almost a different class of human being, sexless and dressed more or less the same regardless of gender. In Europe &mdash; and, later, the United States &mdash; all babies typically wore swaddles, then dresses until they were as old as 7 (though, to be fair, there were boys&rsquo; and girls&rsquo; dresses of slightly different cuts). Just look at a painting from mid-1700s&nbsp;Connecticut, <a href="https://chs.org/online-exhibition/collection-highlights/made-connecticut/boys-garden/"><em>Boys in a Garden</em></a>, which shows two young boys, the older one in breeches and a frock coat (&ldquo;boy clothes&rdquo;), the younger one in an elaborate gown not uncommon for his age.&nbsp;</p>

<p>Throughout the past two millennia, babies in art were depicted nude, in gowns, or in <a href="https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Steen_Celebrating_the_Birth.jpg">swaddles</a> of various types. Consider Jesus. He is perhaps the most famous baby of all time, but good luck finding a sculpture of him in a tiny pair of pants.</p>

<p>There are many reasons for this. In some parts of Europe, wealthy parents preferred long gowns that prevented their children from crawling, which they considered base and animalistic. Practically, of course, a loose gown is also easy to change, and in later times,&nbsp;white gowns were easy to bleach.&nbsp;</p>

<p>But there were philosophical reasons for the gender-neutral treatment of young children, as well. Victorians, especially, were concerned with thinking of children as pure, pre-sexed beings for as much of their lives as possible. Parenting convention at the time held that &ldquo;draw[ing] attention to children&rsquo;s sex prematurely is to risk all kinds of deviation,&rdquo; explains Paoletti. &ldquo;They&rsquo;ll become sexually precocious. The boys will be homosexual. They&rsquo;ll masturbate too much.&rdquo; Any gender attribution to a young child was frowned upon, she says; even something as relatively benign as calling a male child &ldquo;such a little man&rdquo; had &ldquo;a kind of creepiness to it from the 19th-century point of view.&rdquo; Giving babies gendered qualities was, simply, gross.</p>
<hr class="wp-block-separator" />
<p><strong>The way we dress babies began to change with Sigmund Freud&rsquo;s 1905 publication</strong> of &ldquo;<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Three-Essays-Theory-Sexuality-1905/dp/1784783587/ref=sr_1_2?keywords=Three+Essays+on+the+Theory+of+Sexuality&amp;qid=1580757130&amp;s=books&amp;sr=1-2">Three Essays on the Theory of Sexuality</a>,&rdquo; which held not only that sexual characteristics were innate, but also that our experiences as children could influence us for the rest of our lives.&nbsp;</p>

<p>Freud&rsquo;s theory of identification was particularly influential in the early 20th century. It held that at a certain point, children must identify with one or the other parent and adopt their characteristics; a boy identifying with his mother was supposedly the root of a whole host of mental disorders.</p>

<p>This belief merged with several others, notably those of psychologist G. Stanley Hall, who studied the sexuality of adolescents, to create a period in the 1910s and &rsquo;20s focused on establishing ever-younger children as proper men. (This focus was almost entirely on men).</p>

<p>&ldquo;How do we toughen up our boys and make them more manly?&rdquo; was a common concern throughout that period, which was addressed in various ways, says Paoletti, including the 1910 founding of the Boy Scouts of America. Dresses for boys older than infants went out of fashion, along with the idea that early gendering would somehow harm a child&rsquo;s psychological and sexual development. Dresses for infants, however, existed at least into the 1950s.</p>

<p>The next major touchpoint &mdash; in many ways the one that began our modern gendered world &mdash;&nbsp;is the rise of amniocentesis in the 1980s. This test, originally given to pregnant women to check for birth abnormalities (principally the chromosomal markers for Down syndrome), had the side effect of being the first reliable assessment to accurately determine sex before birth. Hunger for both of these results helped amnio explode in popularity.&nbsp;</p>

<p>&ldquo;&lsquo;Do you know if it&rsquo;s a boy or a girl,&rsquo; a very modern query to someone still obviously expectant,&rdquo; Patricia A. Nelson of Albuquerque, New Mexico, wrote to the New York Times in response to a column on amnio in summer 1988. According to the Times, about 3,000 women each year were having the procedure in 1975; by 1990, it was 250,000.</p>

<p>Parents now knew the sex of their baby before birth, which helped spark a kind of mania for gendered dolls, frilly onesies, tiny <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fVYFJeevs7M">cars</a>, and pink and blue things of basically every size and shape, according to Paoletti. New parents were almost irresistibly compelled to buy as many gender-specific things as they could.&nbsp;</p>

<p>&ldquo;Now what we have is that the children are just like mini adults from almost the point they appear in the world and are<strong> </strong>dressed accordingly,&rdquo; said Hazel Clark, a professor of design studies and fashion studies at the Parsons School of Design. Retailers have been engaged in an escalating gendered arms race in children&rsquo;s clothing ever since.</p>
<hr class="wp-block-separator" />
<p><strong>There is evidence that the wave of hypergendered clothing</strong> may be cresting, at least among older children and teens. According to a 2016 study from trend forecasting agency&nbsp;<a href="https://www.jwtintelligence.com/the-innovation-group/"><strong>J. Walter Thompson Innovation Group</strong></a>, a full 56 percent of Americans ages 13 to 20 shopped outside of their chosen gender, the same percentage said they knew someone who went by gender-neutral pronouns, and 81 percent said a person shouldn&rsquo;t be defined by their gender. The same year, a UCLA study estimated that 1.4 million transgender people live in the United States.</p>

<p>&ldquo;People who don&rsquo;t want to feel restricted &#8230; to what&rsquo;s historically been male or female? That&rsquo;s not going anywhere. That&rsquo;s only going to expand,&rdquo; said Christina Zervanos, the head of public relations at Phluid, a Manhattan boutique that exclusively sells nongendered clothing. She sees a general softening of strict gender norms across society and believes it will continue to have ripple effects beyond those who identify as trans &mdash; maybe even to new parents.</p>

<p>And gender-neutral doesn&rsquo;t have to mean some kind of massive, boring tan sack that we pour our infants into, like a bundle of potatoes. Indeed, every parent interviewed for&nbsp;this story talked about being frustrated that retailers seem to think &ldquo;unisex&rdquo; means &ldquo;gray.&rdquo; They want vibrant colors &mdash; yellows, greens, reds, patterns, drawings &mdash; just not things that are restrictively gendered.&nbsp;</p>

<p>&ldquo;People assume that if you&rsquo;re going to have something that&rsquo;s gender-neutral, then it&rsquo;s going to be oversized &#8230; or drapery,&rdquo; says Zervanos. &ldquo;We celebrate color. If you walk into the store, there&rsquo;s a lot of color and a lot of print.&rdquo;</p>

<p>If retailers were quick to catch on to and promote the rise of gendered baby clothes, says Clark, they should also reflect this change in society.</p>

<p>&ldquo;The convention of having the boys&rsquo; and the girls&rsquo; section, [and] the way of sort of directing the consumer, and making assumptions about where the consumer will be going to find the clothes has got to be rethought by the retailer,&rdquo; she says.&nbsp;</p>

<p>Some have already made strides. COS and its parent brand, H&amp;M, for example, exclusively offer unisex or gender-free infant clothes. The Gap recently launched a hub for gender-neutral baby clothes, <a href="https://www.gap.com/browse/category.do?cid=1123994&amp;ak_t=1EE923478A0642265169706F03C3F6B617C07C1C917E0000F8CEE65D5B7D8B4F#pageId=0&amp;department=166&amp;mlink=5058,,flyout_baby_Newborn0to24m_The_Neutral_Shop_&amp;clink=15682852">the Neutral Shop</a>, which has been steadily growing in popularity, though it isn&rsquo;t particularly easy to find when poking around the Gap&rsquo;s website (it&rsquo;s effectively hidden under the heading &ldquo;Newborn 0 to 24m&rdquo;).&nbsp;</p>

<p>But making moves is easier than staking out a position. Vox contacted Amazon, Walmart, Target, Buy Buy Baby, Carter&rsquo;s, the Gap, H&amp;M, COS, Old Navy, and the boutique infant brand Mac &amp; Moon for this story; Target was the only brand to offer a comment on the record, via email. This is that comment in its entirety:</p>
<blockquote class="wp-block-quote has-text-align-none is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow">
<p>We organize clothing by gender in stores and on&nbsp;Target.com. We understand parents don&rsquo;t always know whether they are having a boy or a girl, so we intentionally create products that span a variety of colors, prints, and patterns, including offering a number of more neutral aesthetics. We also organize baby clothing on&nbsp;Target.com in a unisex baby clothing category to make it easy for our guests to find.</p>
</blockquote><hr class="wp-block-separator" />
<p><strong>For most of my life, the sartorial choices of infants </strong>weren&rsquo;t, shall we say, top of mind.&nbsp;But this past fall, my wife gave birth to our first child, a girl. When shopping, I was surprised at how early and how often I was required to make choices about my daughter&rsquo;s likes and dislikes and her presentation to the world.&nbsp;</p>

<p>Of course, all those choices aren&rsquo;t really about my daughter; they&rsquo;re about me. Parents use our children to signal things about ourselves to other people. For parents, there&rsquo;s lots we want to say: We like the Ramones, we shop responsibly, and we care about the environment. For the past few decades, the sex of our babies &mdash; and all the gendered characteristics that supposedly go with it &mdash; was high on that list. From birth, we wanted people to know about our sweet<em> </em>girls and our tough boys so much that when all else fails,&nbsp;we strapped pink bows on their heads so it&rsquo;s utterly impossible for anyone to mistake a girl for a boy.&nbsp;</p>

<p>Now, we wonder, are some tasteful, colorful, attractive gender-neutral options too much to ask? My wife and I bought a lot of stripes and polka-dots, and an adorable sweater with cartoon bears that the retailer told us was for boys.</p>

<p>The gender fixation is a historical anomaly, a perfect storm of technology, psychology, and anxiety about a changing world. But the world is changing, inexorably. And many new parents agree with the Victorians: There is something creepy in waxing lyrical about the gender characteristics of your infant. There&rsquo;s something sensible in this 19th-century way of treating an infant as something of a blank slate, not daddy&rsquo;s little girl or mommy&rsquo;s little hellraiser, but, you know, just potential &mdash; a beautiful, lovable human that could become almost anything.</p>
<hr class="wp-block-separator" />
<p><em>Chris Chafin covers the business of culture for publications including Rolling Stone, Vulture, and the BBC. He also hosts&nbsp;</em><a href="https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/abc-movies/id1451462594"><em>a movie podcast</em></a><em>. </em></p>
<div class="wp-block-vox-media-highlight vox-media-highlight"><h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong>More from this issue of The Highlight</strong></h2><img src="https://platform.vox.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/chorus/uploads/chorus_asset/file/19652767/nonbinary_annietritt_012.jpg?quality=90&#038;strip=all&#038;crop=0,0,100,100" alt="" title="" data-has-syndication-rights="1" data-caption="" data-portal-copyright="" /><ul class="wp-block-list"><li><a href="https://www.vox.com/the-highlight/2020/2/19/21124189/nonbinary-gender-fluid-adults">Life in between: Nonbinary adults, in portrait</a></li><li><a href="https://www.vox.com/the-highlight/2020/2/12/21075683/trans-coming-out-cost-of-womanhood-pink-tax">The Assimilationist, or: On the unexpected cost of passing as a trans woman</a></li><li><a href="https://www.vox.com/the-highlight/2020/2/12/21122543/axe-body-spray-teenage-boys-ads">The pungent legacy of Axe Body Spray</a></li><li><a href="https://www.vox.com/the-highlight/2020/2/12/21121379/rape-kits-aliza-shvarts-safe-kits-anthem-exhibit">Opening a Pandora’s box of truths about rape kits</a></li></ul></div>
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