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	<title type="text">John Paul Brammer | Vox</title>
	<subtitle type="text">Our world has too much noise and too little context. Vox helps you understand what matters.</subtitle>

	<updated>2017-12-14T16:43:24+00:00</updated>

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		<entry>
			
			<author>
				<name>John Paul Brammer</name>
			</author>
			
			<title type="html"><![CDATA[Native communities look toward the next battleground after the Dakota Access pipeline]]></title>
			<link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="https://www.vox.com/identities/2017/3/15/14727490/native-activism-standing-rock-dakota-access-pipeline-protests" />
			<id>https://www.vox.com/identities/2017/3/15/14727490/native-activism-standing-rock-dakota-access-pipeline-protests</id>
			<updated>2017-03-15T09:00:10-04:00</updated>
			<published>2017-03-15T09:00:02-04:00</published>
			<category scheme="https://www.vox.com" term="Science" />
							<summary type="html"><![CDATA[The last hundred people camped out for several months in protest of the Dakota Access pipeline&#8217;s construction marched out of the campground last month. A few dozen more stayed behind and were arrested for blocking continuation of the project. The Army Corps of Engineers told water protectors (or demonstrators) they had until February 22 to [&#8230;]]]></summary>
			
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<img alt="" data-caption="" data-portal-copyright="Photo by Stephen Yang/Getty Images" data-has-syndication-rights="1" src="https://platform.vox.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/chorus/uploads/chorus_asset/file/8040545/643811974.jpg?quality=90&#038;strip=all&#038;crop=0,0,100,100" />
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<p>The last hundred people camped out for several months in protest of the Dakota Access pipeline&rsquo;s construction marched out of the campground last month. A few dozen more stayed behind and were arrested for blocking continuation of the project.</p>

<p>The Army Corps of Engineers told water protectors (or demonstrators) they had until February 22 to leave the Cannon Ball, North Dakota, camp. It&rsquo;s where President Donald Trump approved Energy Transfer Partners to resume construction for the pipeline shortly after he took office.</p>

<p>The Standing Rock Sioux had protested the Obama administration for months to halt the construction of the oil pipeline, fearing that a leak could contaminate the tribe&rsquo;s main source of drinking water, Lake Oahe, and wreak havoc on sacred lands. While President Obama halted the project in December, Trump cleared Energy Transfer Partners to resume construction shortly after he took office the following month.</p>

<p>The move did not come as a surprise to those who have been fighting to have the pipeline stopped or diverted away from the lake. Few expected the Obama administration&rsquo;s reprieve would last. Trump had made it clear that <a href="https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/energy-environment/wp/2017/01/24/trump-gives-green-light-to-dakota-access-keystone-xl-oil-pipelines/?utm_term=.e01141686019">he supported</a> both the Dakota Access and Keystone XL pipelines. So now that the camp has cleared, what will come next for the Standing Rock Sioux, and Native Americans as a whole, with President Trump now in office?</p>

<p>Rosalyn LaPier is a visiting assistant professor of women&rsquo;s studies and environmental studies and Native American religion at Harvard Divinity School. She is an enrolled member of the Blackfeet Tribe in Montana and is also Red River M&eacute;tis.</p>

<p>&ldquo;There has continually been a contentious relationship between tribal communities and the US government,&rdquo; LaPier said of Trump&rsquo;s presidency. &ldquo;This is part of a long history that stretches all the way back to the 18th century.&rdquo;</p>

<p>LaPier spoke to Vox about what the future of the struggle against the Dakota Access pipeline will look like under Trump, his potential impact on the environment, and what non-Natives can do to help.</p>

<p>This interview has been lightly edited for length and clarity.</p>
<h3 class="wp-block-heading">John Paul Brammer</h3>
<p>Protests began under President Obama. What is the biggest thing that protectors think will change under Trump?</p>
<h3 class="wp-block-heading">Rosalyn LaPier</h3>
<p>I think it&rsquo;s the ability to change federal laws. Mostly, it&rsquo;s his Supreme Court. They have the ability to make decisions and change previous decisions that will deeply impact tribal communities.</p>
<h3 class="wp-block-heading">John Paul Brammer</h3>
<p>So what do you think the biggest difference will be between them?</p>
<h3 class="wp-block-heading">Rosalyn LaPier</h3>
<p>It&rsquo;s hard to say. The only time that Trump has dealt with Natives before was when he tried to open a casino in New Jersey, in Atlantic City. He <a href="https://njmonthly.com/articles/just-for-the-web/archives-trump-indians/">fought with a few tribes</a> in the northeast area over casinos. He saw them as business adversaries.</p>

<p>During that time, he used the same rhetoric he uses today, the way he talks about people who are different. He fought very hard to stop tribes from being able to operate casinos, which he lost.</p>
<h3 class="wp-block-heading">John Paul Brammer</h3>
<p>What are water protectors and Native communities concerned about right now?</p>
<h3 class="wp-block-heading">Rosalyn LaPier</h3>
<p>One is change of regulations. We don&rsquo;t know what he&rsquo;s going to change in the next four years. That&rsquo;s a big concern. We don&rsquo;t know about funding, another huge issue. Is he really going to dramatically cut back funding on the Environmental Protection Agency? Is he going to defund science and scientists?</p>

<p>It&rsquo;s through science that we&rsquo;re able to learn about the natural world, and they are the ones who support, for example, quality environmental impact statements, which we rely on.</p>

<p>Are those going to be defunded? We don&rsquo;t know yet. But those are major concerns.</p>
<h3 class="wp-block-heading">John Paul Brammer</h3>
<p>What is the future of Native sovereignty under Trump?</p>
<h3 class="wp-block-heading">Rosalyn LaPier</h3>
<p>He hasn&rsquo;t changed any laws yet. But historically, the way it&rsquo;s worked is Congress is the entity that sets up the relationship between tribal communities and the government. They have plenary power over tribal communities.</p>

<p>Usually Congress is creating laws and enacting laws, and then there&rsquo;s the Supreme Court that addresses legal actions and impacts Native communities.</p>

<p>It&rsquo;s pretty rare for a president to step in there, so the future depends on Trump&rsquo;s relationship with Congress. We&rsquo;ve seen executive orders coming from Trump, so I&rsquo;m not sure where we&rsquo;re headed.</p>
<h3 class="wp-block-heading">John Paul Brammer</h3>
<p>Where is Standing Rock finding hope right now?</p>
<h3 class="wp-block-heading">Rosalyn LaPier</h3>
<p>Hope has been evident in this entire last year with the protesting that&rsquo;s been going on.</p>

<p>It&rsquo;s shown that people will support you, and Native people will come together and support each other, and you can actually bring together a large number of allies to address these concerns.</p>

<p>That makes people feel much more hopeful about the ability to move forward. It tells us that Native people will be able to find support within our communities and from allies in the future.</p>
<h3 class="wp-block-heading">John Paul Brammer</h3>
<p>You are a visiting professor at Harvard Divinity School. What role has spirituality played in these protests?</p>
<h3 class="wp-block-heading">Rosalyn LaPier</h3>
<p>One thing we&rsquo;re seeing more and more of, especially with the younger generation, is viewing this type of action, viewing protest, as spiritual.</p>

<p>They call themselves protectors. There&rsquo;s an effort to see addressing the environment and harm to it as part of a spiritual practice. &nbsp;</p>

<p>Standing Rock initially started as a camp that people viewed as ceremonial, a place with daily prayers. Most of the young people doing these protests see it as participating in a process where they are protecting sacred land.</p>
<h3 class="wp-block-heading">John Paul Brammer</h3>
<p>In that context, there&rsquo;s a draft for a religious freedom executive order floating around. Does that have any impact on Standing Rock?</p>
<h3 class="wp-block-heading">Rosalyn LaPier</h3>
<p>Yes. For one, people in the US have a hard time wrapping their heads around the fact that different Native communities have different traditions and religions.</p>

<p>But what we&rsquo;ve seen [in the past month or so] is a push in the cultural idea that America is a Christian nation, that Christianity is our heritage and culture.</p>

<p>For those of us who are not Christian, and those of us who are historians, we know that&rsquo;s simply not true.</p>

<p>When we have these kinds of conflicts over land and landscape in Standing Rock, the major reason is because there&rsquo;s a conflict in religious ideas about the use of land. This will continue to be a conflict between Natives and the US.</p>

<p>[Trump] <a href="http://www.vox.com/policy-and-politics/2017/2/2/14484190/trump-lgbtq-religious-freedom-executive-order">hasn&rsquo;t signed the order yet</a>, so it&rsquo;s hard to react ahead of time. But the whole subtext of &ldquo;religious freedom&rdquo; in the US is Christianity. The subtext is not minority religions in America or Native religion or Islam or Buddhism. They&rsquo;re saying Christianity.</p>

<p>So, yes. Religion will be wrapped up in the Dakota Access Pipeline and in the Trump presidency.</p>
<h3 class="wp-block-heading">John Paul Brammer</h3>
<p>In the fight ahead, what can non-Natives do to help?</p>
<h3 class="wp-block-heading">Rosalyn LaPier</h3>
<p>Continue to be an ally. Educate yourself about what is going on. The president has stepped into the process by having two separate executive orders. He did one on DAPL, but he did another on environmental impact statements.</p>

<p>As long as allies stay educated, maybe even learning what an environmental impact statement is and why they matter, and then speaking to their local legislators about them.</p>

<p>Speak to the people making decisions and be watchful. Be out there on social media and make sure people know that when a process is supposed to occur, like an EIS, make sure it actually occurs. When needed, push back.</p>

<p>Finally, make sure to not speak on behalf of Native people. Allow Natives to be on the forefront on their issues and make sure they&rsquo;re the ones who are being heard.</p>

<p>You can stand side by side with people without being the one who is speaking out.</p>
						]]>
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			<entry>
			
			<author>
				<name>John Paul Brammer</name>
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			<title type="html"><![CDATA[What Trump&#8217;s presidency may mean for the Dakota Access Pipeline and the Standing Rock Sioux]]></title>
			<link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="https://www.vox.com/identities/2016/11/25/13719562/trump-dakota-access-pipeline-standing-rock-sioux" />
			<id>https://www.vox.com/identities/2016/11/25/13719562/trump-dakota-access-pipeline-standing-rock-sioux</id>
			<updated>2016-12-02T11:38:02-05:00</updated>
			<published>2016-11-25T08:00:01-05:00</published>
			<category scheme="https://www.vox.com" term="Politics" />
							<summary type="html"><![CDATA[Winter weather is descending upon Standing Rock, North Dakota, where thousands of indigenous people and allies have gathered to resist construction of the Dakota Access Pipeline. Undersupplied and facing the prospect of a Trump administration, the water protectors, as they call themselves, face a gloomy season ahead after seven months of protest. Energy Transfers Partners, [&#8230;]]]></summary>
			
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<img alt="" data-caption="Dennis Zotigh (R) and his father Ralph Zotigh (L) of the Kiowa, Dakota, and Pueblo Tribes sing during a rally against the Dakota Access Pipeline September 13, 2016 at Lafayette Square in Washington, DC | Getty Images" data-portal-copyright="Getty Images" data-has-syndication-rights="1" src="https://platform.vox.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/chorus/uploads/chorus_asset/file/7526689/GettyImages_604531340.jpg?quality=90&#038;strip=all&#038;crop=0,0,100,100" />
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	Dennis Zotigh (R) and his father Ralph Zotigh (L) of the Kiowa, Dakota, and Pueblo Tribes sing during a rally against the Dakota Access Pipeline September 13, 2016 at Lafayette Square in Washington, DC | Getty Images	</figcaption>
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<p>Winter weather is descending upon Standing Rock, North Dakota, where thousands of indigenous people and allies have gathered to resist construction of the <a href="http://www.vox.com/2016/9/9/12862958/dakota-access-pipeline-fight">Dakota Access Pipeline</a>.<strong> </strong>Undersupplied and facing the prospect of a Trump administration, the water protectors, as they call themselves, face a gloomy season ahead after seven months of protest.</p>

<p>Energy Transfers Partners, the developers of the pipeline, have met fierce resistance from the Standing Rock Sioux. The tribe says the pipeline, which comes quite close to their land, has the potential to burst or leak, therefore poisoning their water supply. The tribe also says construction runs through a few newly discovered sacred sites and burial places, which means building the pipeline would infringe upon the Standing Rock Sioux&rsquo;s tribal sovereignty. Meanwhile, the pipeline&rsquo;s developers say they are using technology to minimize the possibility of leaking or spills, Vox&rsquo;s Brad Plumer <a href="http://www.vox.com/2016/9/9/12862958/dakota-access-pipeline-fight">reports</a>.</p>

<p>Protesters have clashed several times with private security and local police in recent months, and the National Guard was called in last September. <a href="http://www.latimes.com/nation/la-na-north-dakota-protest-20161120-story.html">This past weekend</a> was no exception, as North Dakota law enforcement used water cannons and rubber bullets to push back protectors from a barricaded bridge leading to construction sites.</p>

<p>Despite the protests, construction of the pipeline is currently about 75 percent complete, with only the crossing at Lake Oahe left to be assembled. Natives, meanwhile, continue to pressure President Barack Obama to call off the pipeline&rsquo;s construction, as he <a href="https://www.whitehouse.gov/the-press-office/2015/11/06/statement-president-keystone-xl-pipeline">rejected the Keystone XL Pipeline.</a> But hope dwindles as Obama prepares to turn the White House keys over to President-elect Donald Trump.</p>

<p>So what does the administration change mean for the future of this movement?</p>

<p>Alli Moran is a member of the Cheyenne River Sioux Tribe who grew up near Standing Rock. &ldquo;Right now there is a lot of concern for what is going to happen within the next few months of Obama&rsquo;s presidency, and major concern about what will come when Trump does take office,&rdquo; says Moran, who has been involved in the fight against the pipeline&rsquo;s construction.</p>

<p>Trump has not officially made a statement on whether he would continue to push the Dakota Access Pipeline&rsquo;s construction after he&rsquo;s sworn in, though he has said he would reinstate construction on the Keystone XL Pipeline.</p>

<p>Beyond the pipeline though, Trump&rsquo;s presidency raises a concern for Moran and other advocates over <a href="http://www.vox.com/2016/9/9/12851168/dakota-access-pipeline-protest">tribal sovereignty</a>, or the right for tribes to govern themselves and the land on which they reside. In the case of the Standing Rock Sioux in the Dakotas, sovereignty is being challenged with the pipeline being built through what the tribe says are sacred sites. Instead of the US maintaining its <a href="http://www.bia.gov/FAQs/">government-to-government relationship</a> with the tribe, construction is being permitted without the tribe&rsquo;s consultation.</p>

<p>Moran spoke to Vox about the future of<strong> </strong>tribal sovereignty, the disappointment in the Obama administration for not stopping the pipeline, and Trump&rsquo;s potential impact on the environment.</p>

<p>This interview has been lightly edited for length and clarity.</p>
<h3 class="wp-block-heading">JP Brammer</h3>
<p>What are indigenous people most apprehensive about when it comes to President-elect Trump?</p>
<h3 class="wp-block-heading">Alli Moran</h3>
<p>A lot of the people I&rsquo;ve been talking to say one of the major concerns is what he will do to our tribal sovereignty. He very well could terminate it. We&rsquo;re apprehensive about our sovereign status because Trump has threatened it before.</p>
<h3 class="wp-block-heading">JP Brammer</h3>
<p>When?</p>
<h3 class="wp-block-heading">Alli Moran</h3>
<p>Trump <a href="https://www.culturalsurvival.org/ourpublications/csq/article/sovereignty-and-indian-gaming-united-states">targeted sovereignty in 1993</a> because he couldn&rsquo;t open up a casino. A tribe had their casino established and it was competitive. He was very biased against Indian gaming and said they had an unfair advantage over his casinos. He didn&rsquo;t believe we should have that right. He had tribal sovereignty on the chopping block back then, and if he had that impact back then, we can only imagine what he&rsquo;s planning on doing when he&rsquo;s president.</p>
<h3 class="wp-block-heading">JP Brammer</h3>
<p>Energy Transfer Partners CEO Kelcy Warren donated to the Trump campaign and Trump<a href="https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2016/oct/26/donald-trump-dakota-access-pipeline-investment-energy-transfer-partners"> has reportedly invested</a> in the company. Do you think Trump will do something to assure the pipeline&#8217;s completion?</p>
<h3 class="wp-block-heading">Alli Moran</h3>
<p>Definitely. Trump has his own financial interests in the pipeline. Just at the beginning of this year he was up in Bismarck, a half-hour away from Standing Rock. I went up to protest his rally and he was there, and he said <a href="http://www.nbcnews.com/storyline/dakota-pipeline-protests/what-will-trump-presidency-mean-dakota-access-pipeline-n682746">he would definitely pass the Keystone Pipeline</a> and [has signaled he would allow construction to continue on] the Dakota Access Pipeline.</p>

<p>A lot of people there have their own financial interests in the pipeline. That&rsquo;s how he <a href="http://www.nytimes.com/elections/results/north-dakota-president-clinton-trump">won</a> a lot of his votes in the <a href="http://www.nytimes.com/elections/results/south-dakota-president-clinton-trump">Dakotas</a>. It really struck fear into me. I was a Bernie Sanders delegate, and I realized then I had to get more people registered to vote.</p>

<p>He doesn&rsquo;t want our water protectors there. He definitely wants the pipeline to go through. That&rsquo;s more economic gain for himself. At the end of the day, he is a businessman. There&rsquo;s no doubt in my mind that he would pursue any legal action possible to complete it, even through executive action.</p>
<h3 class="wp-block-heading">JP Brammer</h3>
<p>Do you think Obama did enough for indigenous people, particularly in the context of the Dakota Access Pipeline?</p>
<h3 class="wp-block-heading">Alli Moran</h3>
<p>No. I don&rsquo;t. I was a huge advocate for Obama back in 2008 when he was running for president. He was the candidate of hope. I believed in a lot of his initiatives and thought he did a lot of great work for indigenous people. Overseas, <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gIMlc-iaxsk">in Malaysia,</a> however, he was asked about the Dakota Access Pipeline, and he responded exactly like a man with a Western mindset and avoided the question.</p>

<p>It broke my heart. He defended himself saying he&rsquo;s done a lot for Indian Country. That mentality, it broke my heart. I was so sad. He had been doing so great for us. <a href="https://www.whitehouse.gov/the-press-office/2014/06/13/remarks-president-cannon-ball-flag-day-celebration">He even came to Cannon Ball</a> and experienced that community. How can you not want to stop this?</p>
<h3 class="wp-block-heading">JP Brammer</h3>
<p>Bernie Sanders is pressuring Obama to turn Standing Rock into a <a href="http://www.usatoday.com/videos/news/2016/11/16/93946500/">national landmark.</a> Do you think that could work, and do you support that idea?</p>
<h3 class="wp-block-heading">Alli Moran</h3>
<p>I support that idea, and I do believe it will work. All around this country, you will find Indian Country. There are different cultural sites. If we were able to protect the cultural sites on Standing Rock as monuments, then that would give us some leverage in protecting the land and water.</p>
<h3 class="wp-block-heading">JP Brammer</h3>
<p>What does the future of Native sovereignty look like?</p>
<h3 class="wp-block-heading">Alli Moran</h3>
<p>That&rsquo;s the main thing, that it could be terminated. For our Tribal Nations, this is an opportunity for us to really come together and unify and really exercise sovereignty.</p>
<h3 class="wp-block-heading">JP Brammer</h3>
<p>How can non-Natives help Natives in this fight under President Trump?</p>
<h3 class="wp-block-heading">Alli Moran</h3>
<p>They could definitely send high-quality shelters to the camp, winter gear, and definitely some monetary donations for the legal team. That legal team is doing a lot of work for the protectors who have been thrown in jail. The legal team has been getting them back out.</p>
<h3 class="wp-block-heading">JP Brammer</h3>
<p>What do you think Trump will mean for <a href="http://www.vox.com/2016/11/9/13571318/donald-trump-disaster-climate">the environment and the planet</a>?</p>
<h3 class="wp-block-heading">Alli Moran</h3>
<p>I&rsquo;m really fearful for what will happen during the next four years. I read through his first 100 days in office and he <a href="http://www.vox.com/2016/11/10/13584390/donald-trump-first-100-days">plans to approve</a> the Keystone Pipeline.</p>

<p>I knew that was coming back to the table, and it was never really off the table. I just think the pipeline is on his agenda and we really have to gear up. Our tribes have to produce our own policies and procedures to meet these pipeline people head-on. If this pipeline leaks, we need to make it clear they owe us this amount of dollars in fines.</p>

<p>There&rsquo;s going to be so much that comes with the pipelines. Trump doesn&rsquo;t understand how much this is going to be a detriment to the Native people that live near these pipelines or the environment.</p>
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			<title type="html"><![CDATA[Why thousands of indigenous women have gone missing in Canada]]></title>
			<link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="https://www.vox.com/2016/7/5/12096898/missing-indigenous-women-canada" />
			<id>https://www.vox.com/2016/7/5/12096898/missing-indigenous-women-canada</id>
			<updated>2016-07-05T14:00:16-04:00</updated>
			<published>2016-07-05T14:00:03-04:00</published>
			<category scheme="https://www.vox.com" term="Criminal Justice" /><category scheme="https://www.vox.com" term="Policy" />
							<summary type="html"><![CDATA[Bridget Tolley simply wants justice for her mother. Her life changed on October 5, 2001, when her mother, Gladys, was struck by a police cruiser and killed. &#8220;I started asking for a public inquiry into her death,&#8221; Tolley, an Algonquin woman from the Kitigan Zibi reserve in Quebec, Canada, told Vox. &#8220;There was so much [&#8230;]]]></summary>
			
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<img alt="" data-caption="Melissa Skunk, Maryanne Panacheese and Mary Skunk from Mishkeegogamang First Nation near the site where the body of missing woman Rena Fox was found in 2015, in Thunder Bay, Ontario.  | Getty Images" data-portal-copyright="Getty Images" data-has-syndication-rights="1" src="https://platform.vox.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/chorus/uploads/chorus_asset/file/6744027/GettyImages-500562798.jpg?quality=90&#038;strip=all&#038;crop=0,0,100,100" />
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	Melissa Skunk, Maryanne Panacheese and Mary Skunk from Mishkeegogamang First Nation near the site where the body of missing woman Rena Fox was found in 2015, in Thunder Bay, Ontario.  | Getty Images	</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>Bridget Tolley simply wants justice for her mother.</p>

<p>Her life changed on October 5, 2001, when her mother, Gladys, was struck by a police cruiser and killed.</p>

<p>&ldquo;I started asking for a public inquiry into her death,&rdquo; Tolley, an Algonquin woman from the Kitigan Zibi reserve in Quebec, Canada, told Vox. &ldquo;There was so much wrong with the case. They didn&rsquo;t let the family identify the body. The brother of the cop that killed my mother was put in charge of the investigation.&rdquo;</p>

<p>She paused. &ldquo;Would you be okay with that?&rdquo;</p>

<p>Tolley, who grew up poor, said this sort of tragedy is a fact of life for many indigenous people in Canada &mdash; both those who live on reserves and those who move to urban areas. She said when she was a child, her father died after shooting himself in the heart. To cope, Tolley turned to drugs and alcohol, but she became sober after her mother&rsquo;s death. It was a necessary move, she said, because she was so angry with the police. They blamed her mother&rsquo;s death on alcohol.</p>

<p>Today, Tolley is a leader in Families of Sisters in Spirit, a grassroots group led by indigenous women dedicated to seeking justice for Canada&rsquo;s missing and murdered indigenous women. Though indigenous women make up just 4 percent of Canada&rsquo;s female population, they represent 16 percent of women murdered in the country.</p>

<p>A national inquiry into the missing women, a campaign promise from Prime Minister Justin Trudeau,<a href="http://globalnews.ca/news/2387213/trudeau-expected-to-address-assembly-of-first-nations/"> is finally underway</a>. But many questions remain.</p>
<h2 class="wp-block-heading">What does “missing” mean in these cases?</h2>
<p>Tolley said there are currently two women missing from her reserve. &ldquo;They went missing in 2008,&rdquo; she said. &ldquo;For me, they&rsquo;re missing. Not kidnapped. Not trafficked. Not until we know for sure.&rdquo;</p>

<p>Canada&rsquo;s government defines a missing person as &ldquo;anyone reported to police or by police as someone whose whereabouts are unknown,&rdquo; Annie Delisle, head of media relations for the Royal Canadian Mounted Police, told Vox. &ldquo;They are considered missing until located.&rdquo;</p>

<p>If the missing person is under 18, Delisle said, she is classified as a missing child and will be considered missing until returned to appropriate care and control.</p>

<p>However, Magen Cywink, an Ojibwe woman of the Whitefish River First Nation, told Vox that finding these missing women has been hindered by police undercounting them in the past or treating cases dismissively. The latter happened when the daughter of one of Cywink&rsquo;s friends went missing.</p>

<p>&ldquo;They told [Cywink&rsquo;s friend] she&rsquo;d be home soon,&rdquo; she said. &ldquo;&lsquo;She&rsquo;s a teenager. She&rsquo;s out drunk.&rsquo; It should be the families who decide who is missing. It should be whenever it&rsquo;s out of character for the woman to not be in contact.&rdquo;</p>

<p>Her own sister, Sonya Nadine Cywink, was found murdered at an Aboriginal historic site, Southwold Earthworks, nearly 22 years ago. She was pregnant at the time. The Ontario Provincial Police said she died of blunt force trauma, and no suspects were identified.</p>

<p>&ldquo;My sister&rsquo;s murder will probably never be solved,&rdquo; she told Vox. &ldquo;I&rsquo;m not angry. I&rsquo;m not vengeful. I can&rsquo;t be. I have to have a clear understanding of what needs to be done.&rdquo;</p>

<p>Because so many cases concerning missing indigenous women have fallen by the wayside, a need for a community-led database has risen to keep track of these women. Activist groups like It Starts With Us (with which Cywink is involved) and Sisters of Families in Spirit have stepped up to count the women police haven&rsquo;t identified as missing &mdash; women whose cases aren&rsquo;t being investigated or who go ignored.</p>

<p>When an indigenous woman disappears, the reason is not always immediately apparent. Cold cases abound. Some families have been waiting for more than 20 years and bodies still haven&rsquo;t turned up. &ldquo;Missing&rdquo; is an umbrella term that can encompass them all.</p>

<p>But Tolley said she prefers the term &ldquo;stolen.&rdquo;</p>

<p>&ldquo;They were taken from us,&rdquo; she said. &ldquo;They are stolen.&rdquo;</p>
<h2 class="wp-block-heading">The number of missing women is difficult to define</h2><img src="https://platform.vox.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/chorus/uploads/chorus_asset/file/6745179/GettyImages-470809134.jpg?quality=90&#038;strip=all&#038;crop=0,0,100,100" alt="Women protest then-Prime Minister Stephen Harper on International Women’s Day in Toronto in 2015" title="Women protest then-Prime Minister Stephen Harper on International Women’s Day in Toronto in 2015" data-has-syndication-rights="1" data-caption="Women protest then-Prime Minister Stephen Harper on International Women’s Day in Toronto in 2015." data-portal-copyright="" />
<p>A 2014 <a href="http://www.rcmp-grc.gc.ca/pubs/mmaw-faapd-eng.htm#sec1">study</a> by the Royal Canadian Mounted Police puts the number at nearly 1,200 murdered or missing indigenous women from 1980 to 2012. But indigenous rights groups dispute that claim.</p>

<p>Audrey Huntley is a paralegal working for indigenous rights in Canada. She is also the co-founder of No More Silence, a support network for activists, academics, and researchers working to stop the murders and disappearances of indigenous women. She said the RCMP&rsquo;s count is much too low.</p>

<p>Both No More Silence and Sisters of Families in Spirit were created after the Conservative government of former Prime Minister Stephen Harper cut funding to the Native Women&rsquo;s Association of Canada, a group that was documenting cases of missing and murdered indigenous women, in 2010.</p>

<p>&ldquo;A huge chunk of what we do is data collection,&rdquo; Huntley said. &ldquo;We have to. We look at every single case.&rdquo;</p>

<p>The organization has been working on a database in Ontario for about three years, Huntley said. &nbsp;</p>

<p>Another motive behind a community-led database is the lack of hard data on all fronts for indigenous people in Canada. Police crime records are scattershot, and police forces do not systematically collect ethnicity data. Police officers are not required to collect information on the race of suspects, and a <a href="http://news.nationalpost.com/news/canada/police-routinely-suppress-racial-data-in-canada-study-says">study</a> published in the <em>Canadian Journal of Law and Society</em> says Canadian law enforcement agencies suppress collection of racial data. Adding to this is the <a href="http://www.gov.nl.ca/vpi/facts/VAW_EN_Fact%20Sheet_VAW_in_Canada.pdf">underreporting of domestic abuse,</a> and <a href="http://vawlawinfo.ca/understanding-the-first-nation-metis-and-inuit-context/barriers-to-access-to-justice-for-first-nation-metis-and-inuit-women/">general mistrust</a> of police in indigenous communities.</p>

<p>Huntley also stresses that trans people, <a href="http://indiancountrytodaymedianetwork.com/2015/01/13/two-spirit-trials-and-tribulations-gender-identity-21st-century-158686">two-spirit people</a>, and sex workers are undercounted in these statistics.</p>

<p>So for a more accurate representation of the crisis, indigenous activists have turned inward toward their own communities before the police.</p>
<h2 class="wp-block-heading">Indigenous women are alarmingly vulnerable to attack</h2>
<p>There is no clear profile of a person who kills or kidnaps indigenous women &mdash; attackers run the range from sex traffickers to serial killers, rapists, and even family members. There is no &ldquo;typical&rdquo; scenario. Instead, both indigenous activists and police point to systemic vulnerability.</p>

<p>Indigenous women are vulnerable in all the ways other women in Canada are, only, to the extreme. &nbsp;</p>

<p>&ldquo;It&rsquo;s the socioeconomic conditions that colonization and genocidal institutions that have made them vulnerable,&rdquo; Huntley said. &ldquo;Perpetrators know who they&rsquo;re going to get away with killing or not.&rdquo;</p>

<p>Indigenous activists point to the legacy of colonialism in Canada for creating this environment &mdash; disenfranchisement from wealth, the push to put indigenous people on poor, isolated reserves, and the ongoing acts of cultural genocide against indigenous people.</p>

<p>The following are just some of the problems aboriginal people suffer from disproportionately:</p>
<ul class="wp-block-list"><li><strong>Incarceration rates: </strong>A 2014 <a href="https://s3.amazonaws.com/s3.documentcloud.org/documents/2110762/ps-sp-1483284-v1-corrections-and-conditional.pdf">report</a> says approximately half of aboriginal offenders enter the Canadian criminal justice system under the age of 30, compared with 36 percent of non-aboriginals. They also receive longer sentences and are more likely to be sent to high-security institutions.</li><li><strong>Suicide rates and mental health challenges: </strong>Aboriginal people are <a href="http://www.heretohelp.bc.ca/visions/aboriginal-people-vol5/aboriginal-mental-health-the-statistical-reality">much more likely</a> to die by suicide than non-aboriginals in Canada, with some communities suffering from a suicide “epidemic.”</li><li><strong>Substance abuse: </strong>Approximately 75 percent of residents in First Nation and Inuit communities say <a href="http://www.heretohelp.bc.ca/visions/aboriginal-people-vol5/aboriginal-mental-health-the-statistical-reality">alcoholism</a> is a problem in their communities. The myth that aboriginal people are more genetically susceptible to alcoholism has been <a href="http://www.theverge.com/2015/10/2/9428659/firewater-racist-myth-alcoholism-native-americans">debunked</a>, but systemic issues such as poverty, trauma, and lack of access to health care contribute to addiction.</li><li><strong>Poverty: </strong>Based on data from the 2006 census, <a href="http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/half-of-first-nations-children-live-in-poverty-1.1324232">half</a> of First Nation children lived in poverty. For some communities, like those in Manitoba and Saskatchewan, the rates rise to 62 and 64 percent, respectively, of children living below the poverty line.</li></ul>
<p>According<a href="http://www.rcmp-grc.gc.ca/pubs/mmaw-faapd-eng.htm"> to the RCMP</a>, a common thread among many of the cases is sex work.</p>

<p>&ldquo;The natives who move off isolated reserves,&rdquo; Cywink said, &ldquo;have trouble finding jobs. They are very poor. They get involved with sex work. They&rsquo;re the ones who are most vulnerable.&rdquo;</p>

<p>Cywink&rsquo;s sister Sonya turned to sex work after she moved to London, Ontario, from the reserve. She, like many women exploited by sex traffickers, faced sexual abuse early in life.</p>

<p>Aboriginal women also experience dramatically higher rates of violent victimization and sexual abuse in the home, with some 24 percent <a href="http://www.justice.gc.ca/eng/rp-pr/cj-jp/victim/rd3-rr3/p3.html">reporting</a> assault from a current or former spouse.</p>

<p>&ldquo;It seems like the women who get murdered on reserves are killed by domestic partners,&rdquo; Cywink said. &ldquo;Those are the murders that do get solved.&rdquo;</p>
<h2 class="wp-block-heading">This isn’t just a problem on indigenous reserves</h2>
<p>Where in Canada is this happening? The short answer: anywhere that indigenous women live, whether it&rsquo;s in a big city or on a far-off reserve.</p>

<p>&ldquo;If you&rsquo;re in a remote community and a woman goes missing, then it&rsquo;s likely someone from that community,&rdquo; Huntley said. &ldquo;But in the city, that&rsquo;s violence from strangers.&rdquo;</p>

<p>Huntley also noted the link between the presence of non-indigenous labor forces on indigenous land and higher instances of rape and murder.</p>

<p>&ldquo;It&rsquo;s about the land,&rdquo; she said. &ldquo;You tend to see a skyrocket in rapes and STDs and HIV where things are being built.&rdquo;</p>

<p>She points to the areas where a dam is being built in the Peace River Valley region in British Columbia, where many First Nation and M&eacute;tis people live, as a place of high activity of violence against indigenous women. <a href="http://www.amnesty.ca/our-work/issues/indigenous-peoples/indigenous-peoples-in-canada/resource-development-in-canada/site">Amnesty International</a> has also pointed to the site as a violation of the rights of indigenous people.</p>

<p>&ldquo;Where the land is violated, women are violated,&rdquo; Huntley said.</p>

<p>&ldquo;If you look at the big cities &mdash;&nbsp;at Vancouver or Winnipeg &mdash; there are urban Indians there,&rdquo; Cywink said. &ldquo;Murders happen more often in those cities. Poor natives move off reserves to live there, and they are at high risk.&rdquo;</p>

<p>The hacker group Anonymous <a href="http://indiancountrytodaymedianetwork.com/2013/02/06/anonymous-creates-map-turtle-islands-missing-and-murdered-aboriginal-women-147502">created a map</a> of the missing and murdered indigenous women in 2013 using police data.</p>
<img src="https://platform.vox.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/chorus/uploads/chorus_asset/file/6745153/missing_or_unsolved_murders_of_indigenous_women.jpg?quality=90&#038;strip=all&#038;crop=0,0,100,100" alt="Map of missing indigenous women as of 2013" title="Map of missing indigenous women as of 2013" data-has-syndication-rights="1" data-caption="" data-portal-copyright="" />
<p>Each case of a missing or murdered woman is represented with a red dot. Huntley notes that the police data is somewhat unreliable, but it does illustrate how dispersed the cases are throughout the country.</p>

<p>Dozens of indigenous women have also disappeared <a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2016/05/25/world/americas/canada-indigenous-women-highway-16.html?_r=0">along Highway 16, </a>which bisects British Columbia and passes many native reserves. Indigenous communities dubbed it the Highway of Tears because so many women have gone missing there. Signs warning against hitchhiking have been put up, as women hitchhikers are the most common target along the highway. It&rsquo;s gotten so bad that<a href="https://www.theguardian.com/world/2016/jun/17/canada-highway-of-tears-bus-service-murdered-indigenous-women"> a bus route is being planned</a> to address the needs of women traveling along the highway &mdash; 10 years after a bus route was initially proposed.</p>

<p>And how long has this been happening? &ldquo;Since 1492,&rdquo; Huntley said, referencing Christopher Columbus&rsquo;s arrival in the Americas.</p>

<p>Huntley and other indigenous activists point to Canada&rsquo;s legacy of anti-aboriginal institutions, particularly the traumatic history of residential schools. They were created for the forced assimilation of indigenous people into Euro-Canadian culture. They were also sites of frequent physical and emotional abuse; as Cywink put it, they were made to &ldquo;kill the Indian to save the man.&rdquo;</p>

<p>Human rights groups have called the residential schools &mdash; the last of which closed in 1996 &mdash; institutions of cultural genocide. As many as&nbsp;<a href="http://www.theguardian.com/world/2015/jun/06/canada-dark-of-history-residential-schools">6,000 indigenous children</a> have died there after generations of <a href="http://www.theguardian.com/world/2015/jun/06/canada-dark-of-history-residential-schools">rape</a>, abuse, and suicides.</p>

<p>Last year, Justice Murray Sinclair, the first aboriginal judge appointed in Manitoba province in Canada and the current chair of the Indian Residential Schools Truth and Reconciliation Commission, said in a <a href="http://www.theglobeandmail.com/news/national/report-links-residential-schools-with-missing-and-murdered-women/article24763624/">report</a> that these schools share a &ldquo;devastating link&rdquo; with large numbers of missing and murdered aboriginal women. One element at play was the systemic lack of attention for victims of abuse. &nbsp;</p>
<h2 class="wp-block-heading">Why is a national inquiry only happening now?</h2>
<p>A national inquiry into the missing and murdered indigenous women in Canada was a key campaign pledge from Prime Minister Trudeau, which he <a href="http://www.theguardian.com/world/video/2015/dec/09/justin-trudeau-announces-inquiry-into-missing-and-murdered-indigenous-women-video">fulfilled at the end of 2015</a>. He also promised to increase funding for programming and to review laws affecting aboriginal communities.</p>

<p>Last month, Trudeau met with indigenous leaders in Vancouver to discuss the much-anticipated inquiry. In June he became the first sitting prime minister to be<a href="http://aptn.ca/news/2016/06/07/the-power-of-words-can-indigenous-languages-reduce-youth-suicide-rates-2/"> interviewed by an aboriginal media network</a>, and he acknowledged the role of preserving indigenous culture in improving the mental health of indigenous people.</p>

<p>It&rsquo;s yet another small step forward for a government that has historically ignored the problems facing its indigenous peoples.</p>

<p>But if this has been happening to indigenous women since European colonialism began on the continent, then why now?</p>

<p>Part of it is increased media attention. In 2014, a particular case involving a murdered child made headlines across Canada.</p>

<p>The body of 15-year-old Tina Fontaine was pulled from the Red River near the Alexander Docks in Winnipeg. Her body was wrapped in a bag. For many Canadians, her death was their wake-up call. This, paired with the shift in government from Prime Minister Harper to the liberal Trudeau, opened the opportunity for an inquiry.</p>

<p>&ldquo;Harper &hellip; was never going to do this from the get-go, and he was in office for 12 years,&rdquo; Cywink said. &ldquo;They&rsquo;ve asked for an inquiry since the early &rsquo;90s. It&rsquo;s fallen on deaf ears.&rdquo;</p>

<p>It was after Fontaine&rsquo;s case that Harper made a statement on the missing and murdered indigenous women, saying he opposed a national inquiry and that the situation was best handled by police.</p>

<p>But ultimately, it was the tireless work of indigenous rights activists that finally brought the issue to light.</p>

<p>&ldquo;Over a quarter of a century, do you believe that?&rdquo; Cywink said. &ldquo;That&rsquo;s half of my life that I&rsquo;ve been marching. Why now? They should have done this a long time ago. We needed it 25 years ago.&rdquo;</p>

<p>The inquiry will commission research and testimony on the missing and murdered indigenous women in Canada. It&rsquo;s meant to yield recommendations on how to remedy the situation.</p>

<p>But while there was a hard push for the national inquiry and it received the support of most Canadians, most are cynical about its outcome.</p>

<p>According to a <a href="http://angusreid.org/missing-murdered-women-inquiry/">poll</a> conducted by the Angus Reid Institute, 79 percent of Canadians supported the inquiry, but 48 percent of those polled were pessimistic about the outcome of the inquiry; 35 percent called the problem &ldquo;basically unresolvable.&rdquo;</p>

<p>Cywink shares this skepticism. She attended an event in Winnipeg before the formal inquiry process kicked off. She described it as, &ldquo;basically a sham.&rdquo;</p>

<p>&ldquo;Not many families got to share their stories,&rdquo; she said. &ldquo;We were put at a table with a bunch of bureaucrats.&rdquo;</p>

<p>She says if the inquiry does not work closely with the families of the victims, the government might as well &ldquo;flush it down the toilet.&rdquo;</p>

<p>Meanwhile, the groups that rose up to continue the work &mdash; Families of Sisters in Spirit, It Starts With Us, and No More Silence &mdash;&nbsp;remain directly involved with the families of victims. Indigenous activists say it&rsquo;s the families, not the government, who will lead the way to addressing this problem.</p>

<p>Donations to these groups assist in much-needed data collection, paying legal fees of family members, and tracking new cases.</p>

<p>As the national inquiry inches forward, indigenous activists said they hope to be consulted on every part of the process. But recommendations from past inquiries on aboriginal communities have not been heeded, and so doubt remains.</p>

<p>A legacy of colonialism has ravaged Canada&rsquo;s aboriginal communities &mdash; yet they survive to this day. And the advocates involved say they maintain hope for answers.</p>

<p>&ldquo;If I didn&rsquo;t have that tiny bit of hope,&rdquo; Bridget Tolley said, &ldquo;I wouldn&rsquo;t be able to go on.&rdquo;</p>
						]]>
									</content>
			
					</entry>
			<entry>
			
			<author>
				<name>John Paul Brammer</name>
			</author>
			
			<title type="html"><![CDATA[I already had body dysmorphic disorder. Then my skin started changing color.]]></title>
			<link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="https://www.vox.com/2016/6/24/11956400/vitiligo" />
			<id>https://www.vox.com/2016/6/24/11956400/vitiligo</id>
			<updated>2017-12-14T11:43:24-05:00</updated>
			<published>2016-06-24T08:00:02-04:00</published>
			<category scheme="https://www.vox.com" term="Features" /><category scheme="https://www.vox.com" term="Life" /><category scheme="https://www.vox.com" term="Science" />
							<summary type="html"><![CDATA[I&#8217;d never given the white patch of skin on my groin much thought. It was just a birthmark, a natural feature of the landscape. But one night, as I casually undressed to take a shower, I paused in the mirror to take a closer look at it. There it was, same as always, a pale [&#8230;]]]></summary>
			
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<div class="chorus-snippet center"> <p dir="ltr"><span>I&#8217;d never given the white patch of skin on my groin much thought. It was just a birthmark, a natural feature of the landscape. But one night, as I casually undressed to take a shower, I paused in the mirror to take a closer look at it. There it was, same as always, a pale little island on my body. Only, wait, didn&#8217;t it seem a bit bigger this time?</span></p> <p dir="ltr">Meticulously checking my body in the mirror is nothing new to me. I&#8217;ve written about <a href="http://www.vox.com/2015/10/28/9617554/body-dysmorphic-disorder" target="_blank" rel="noopener">my struggle with body dysmorphia</a> here at Vox. My brain tends to obsess over perceived flaws in my appearance. But I had completely skipped over this.</p> <p dir="ltr">I spent the next 10 minutes inspecting it. I studied its borders and noticed new formations, new peninsulas and gulfs. Yes, it was getting bigger. No, it wasn&#8217;t a birthmark.</p> <div class="float-right s-sidebar"> <h4>More on chronic illness</h4> <p><img data-chorus-asset-id="4143592" alt="Woman in pain in an empty room" src="https://platform.vox.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/chorus/uploads/chorus_asset/file/4143592/shutterstock_103754687.0.jpg"></p> <p><a target="new" href="http://www.vox.com/2015/10/12/9488359/I-have-lupus" rel="noopener">I have lupus. Here are 8 things I wish people understood about my disease</a>.</p> <p><a target="new" href="http://www.vox.com/2015/8/24/9182519/alzheimers-caregiver-nurse" rel="noopener">I thought I could fix my Alzheimer&rsquo;s patients. I learned to help them instead.</a></p> <p><a target="new" href="http://www.vox.com/2015/1/8/7509715/depression-help" rel="noopener">The secrets of depression</a></p> </div> <p dir="ltr">The little patch of skin, so unimportant just moments before, was suddenly the center of my universe. I went rummaging through my past trying to find my first memory of it, the first time I knew it was there. I thought that if I went back far enough, if I could prove to myself that it had been there from the beginning, I could assuage my anxiety.</p> <p dir="ltr">I knew I&#8217;d had it since I was a little kid. Back then I thought it was a byproduct of being mixed race, as if the paint hadn&#8217;t quite blended properly. I thought there were parts of me that were brown and parts of me that were white, like my body was a map of my two heritages and they had set up camp in different areas.</p> <p dir="ltr">Turns out that&#8217;s not how genetics work. But much like an actual map, the white island on my body was encroaching on the brown territory, and it was spreading fast. Panicked, I did what any other sensible adult would do: I asked the internet what was wrong with me.</p> <p dir="ltr">After ruling out several rare forms of cancer, I landed on a plausible diagnosis: vitiligo, a condition wherein parts of the skin stop producing melanin. The body attacks its own melanocytes, the cells that produce melanin, resulting in white patches on the body.</p> <p dir="ltr">My mind instantly went to Michael Jackson, probably the most famous case. This was before I read more about his struggles with the condition, and before I knew anything about what vitiligo really looked like.</p> <p dir="ltr">In my ignorance, I thought I was going to turn completely white. I thought I would have to wear gloves and sunglasses and walk around with a parasol. I made an appointment with my doctor to have it checked out and quietly made plans to be an eccentric recluse the rest of my life.</p> <p dir="ltr">My doctor diagnosed me so quickly and so confidently that my first instinct was to run away and hide, lest he find more things wrong with me just by looking at me. I barely even had time to take my pants off.</p> <p dir="ltr">&#8220;Yep,&#8221; he said, already reaching for an information pamphlet, &#8220;that&#8217;s vitiligo.&#8221;</p> <p dir="ltr">And that was that. I had confirmation of my condition.</p> <p dir="ltr">I walked out to the parking lot in a daze, picked up my phone, called my sister, and cried. I cried because this seemed supremely unfair. I don&#8217;t believe in God, but I did that day because vitiligo felt like a condition that had been custom-made to torment me specifically.</p> <p dir="ltr">I am a person who struggles with being mixed race and not looking &#8220;brown enough.&#8221; I am a person with body dysmorphia, a person with a lot of anxiety when it comes to my appearances. So of course I would get vitiligo &mdash; a purely cosmetic condition that eats up my melanin. Who else but me?</p> <p dir="ltr">My brain was coming up with a thousand different scenarios, all of them grim, for when the vitiligo spread. I imagined taking the subway to work and people on the train staring at me, feeling sorry for me. I imagined people patronizing me, calling me &#8220;brave&#8221; or &#8220;inspirational&#8221; every time I so much as hinted at being confident in my body. That was going to suck.</p> <p dir="ltr">I imagined going out to the gay bars with my vitiligo. I imagined how I would be treated. Would anyone want me? Would people make fun of me? Would people use it against me if they were upset with me? &#8220;Who is going to love me?&#8221; I asked my sister on the phone. &#8220;Who is going to accept me?&#8221;</p> <p dir="ltr">I was indulging in melodrama at the time. But the fears were real. As the white patch became white patches, as they crept upward and downward across my body, I wrestled with the imminent reality of being a person who looked different from other people. It was hell on my anxiety. It was hell on my body dysmorphia. I felt powerless, like my body was betraying me and I could do nothing to stop it.</p> <p dir="ltr">After it was diagnosed, it spread even quicker, as if it had become emboldened after being named. It was terrifying. It was psychologically traumatizing, given how it was interacting with my mental illness.</p> <p dir="ltr">Today, though, I feel fine, and that&#8217;s something I&#8217;m proud to say, because I didn&#8217;t think I&#8217;d be saying it so soon after my diagnosis. Getting to this point wasn&#8217;t easy, and I had a lot to learn about vitiligo before I could go about the business of accepting it as part of me.</p> <h3>Anyone can get vitiligo.</h3> <p dir="ltr">When I first got my diagnosis, I thought it was because I wasn&#8217;t taking good enough care of myself. I thought that maybe my diet was lacking something or my body was too weak to protect itself. As I mentioned above, I also thought my race had something to do with it.</p> <p dir="ltr">This isn&#8217;t the case.</p> <p dir="ltr">Vitiligo affects 1 to 2 percent of the population, or approximately 50 million people worldwide. It occurs in people of all ages, races, and sexes, though it is most noticeable on people of color, particularly dark-skinned people. It is also more common in people with autoimmune diseases like lupus, overactive thyroids, and anemia.</p> <h3>Vitiligo can&#8217;t be cured</h3> <p dir="ltr">No one really knows what causes vitiligo, though it could be an autoimmune disease where the body mistakenly attacks itself. There are doctors who say vitiligo is purely genetic, while others say it could be tied to emotional distress or sunburn. But whatever the cause, we know that vitiligo can&#8217;t be cured at the moment.</p> <p dir="ltr">At first, knowing there was no cure made me feel even more helpless. I thought I would just have to watch as the white patches expanded across my body like cream in coffee.</p> <p dir="ltr">But in fact, it ended up making it easier for me to practice radical acceptance of my vitiligo. It wasn&#8217;t going anywhere anytime soon. Scientists are studying the condition, and it could be the case that a process to reverse its effects is on the horizon, but for now vitiligo will have to be a fact of my life.</p> <h3>Treatments are available</h3> <p dir="ltr">Vitiligo is a purely cosmetic condition, but some do not want to live with visible depigmentation. For those people, there are options available to mitigate the effects of vitiligo and to slow down the spreading process.</p> <p dir="ltr">Creams and corticosteroids can mask and return some color to depigmented patches of the skin. Excimer lasers, or light therapy, can also be effective in repigmentation, though the results may not be permanent.</p> <p dir="ltr">Tattooing and skin grafts are other options, though skin grafts, which are expensive and not an option for most, carry significant risks. Grafting pigmented skin to depigmented areas does not always work (the grafted skin may become depigmented), and even if it does, the vitiligo may spread beyond the repigmented area, resulting in a cobblestone appearance.</p> <p dir="ltr"><q class="center" aria-hidden="true">I&#8217;ve seen vitiligo referred to as &#8220;war paint.&#8221; I&#8217;ve seen people post pictures of themselves with it, and I was taken aback by how interesting and pretty their skin looked.</q></p> <p dir="ltr">Sunscreens and cosmetics are the most common option for people with vitiligo. Makeup can cover up depigmented areas, and sunscreen that protects from both UVA and UVB light is suggested for people with vitiligo.</p> <p dir="ltr">Any discussion on treatment of vitiligo would be incomplete without mentioning mental health.</p> <p dir="ltr">I had to take extra care to make sure my vitiligo did not negatively impact my mental health. Depression and anxiety are common side effects of vitiligo, and given my preexisting mental conditions I had to practice a lot of self-care to stay healthy. For me, that meant staying on schedule with my anxiety and depression medications and reading stories of people who found their vitiligo to be a positive experience.</p> <p dir="ltr">I want to stress that while most of the above is about lessening the visible effects of vitiligo, I personally do not consider it a disorder, an illness, or a disease. In fact, I&#8217;ve come to think of vitiligo as beautiful.</p> <h3>Vitiligo can be beautiful</h3> <p dir="ltr">Take a look at the gorgeous <a href="https://www.buzzfeed.com/floperry/this-model-has-vitiligo-and-is-the-face-of-two-major-fashion?utm_term=.om00Ew1yq#.phNoMJXNz">Winnie Harlow</a>, a black model with generalized vitiligo.</p> <p dir="ltr">&#8220;Growing up, it was a fake it &#8217;til you make it type thing,&#8221; she told <a href="http://www.people.com/article/americas-next-top-model-chantelle-brown-young-vitiligo-cycle-21-tyra-banks">People.</a> &#8220;I just decided, &lsquo;You know what? I&#8217;m going to keep telling myself I&#8217;m beautiful until I feel beautiful.&#8217; And it happened.&#8221;</p> <p dir="ltr"><a href="https://www.instagram.com/winnieharlow/"><img data-chorus-asset-id="6690943" alt="harlow" src="https://platform.vox.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/chorus/uploads/chorus_asset/file/6690943/Screen_Shot_2016-06-22_at_2.54.01_PM.0.png"></a></p> <p class="caption">Winnie Harlow, from her Instagram feed.</p> <p dir="ltr">Ever since my diagnosis, I can&#8217;t tell you how many people have told me they find vitiligo to be unique and beautiful. Maybe some people are just saying that, but honestly, it was a sentiment I shared before I knew I had it.</p> <p dir="ltr">I&#8217;ve seen vitiligo referred to as &#8220;war paint.&#8221; I&#8217;ve seen people post pictures of themselves with it, and I was taken aback by how interesting and pretty their skin looked. I consider these things edifying now, and they helped carry me through the difficult phase, the phase where I was scared and hating my skin.</p> <h3>We all struggle with our appearances.</h3> <p dir="ltr">Vitiligo has made me rethink how I process bodies. It has made me rethink beauty, and made me rethink what I consider to be a &#8220;disease&#8221; or a &#8220;disorder.&#8221;</p> <p dir="ltr">My vitiligo has helped me realize that I am not alone in struggling with body acceptance. It has helped me realize that I was looking at other people and processing their bodies through a lens that needlessly othered and judged them.</p> <div class="float-right s-sidebar"> <h4>More from First Person</h4> <p><img src="https://platform.vox.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/chorus/uploads/chorus_asset/file/3959262/ForgivingMyRapistIllo.0.jpg" alt="An illustration of open hands overlaid on closed fists " data-chorus-asset-id="3959262"></p> <p><a href="http://www.vox.com/2015/8/27/9073853/forgive-my-rapist" target="new" rel="noopener">How I came to forgive my rapist</a></p> <p><a href="http://www.vox.com/2015/7/16/8961799/housekeeper-job-clients" target="new" rel="noopener">I spent 2 years cleaning houses. What I saw makes me never want to be rich.</a></p> <p><a href="http://www.vox.com/2015/9/11/9301089/911-survivor-recovery" target="new" rel="noopener">I helped 9/11 survivors through recovery. Here&#8217;s what I learned.</a></p> </div> <p dir="ltr">Throughout our lives, we are programmed to accept constructs on which bodies we deem beautiful and which ones we consider unworthy. Most of us were taught that black skin is less beautiful than white skin. Most of us were taught that fat bodies cannot be considered attractive. Most of us were taught to strive for thinness or muscularity, depending on the gender norms.</p> <p dir="ltr">It didn&#8217;t matter if we were these things. If we were people of color or if we were fat. We received the same messages, and we internalized them.</p> <p dir="ltr">Before my vitiligo, I, albeit on a subconscious level, did everything in my power to abide by these restrictive body norms. I saw myself as a work in progress as opposed to a person. I only saw which parts of me made the cut and which parts didn&#8217;t, and I strove to change the parts that didn&#8217;t.</p> <p dir="ltr">Going about the work of dismantling this lens, difficult as it was, was the most therapeutic thing I could have done for myself. I didn&#8217;t just look up examples of people like Winnie Harlow. I looked up people of all different backgrounds embracing their bodies. I looked up albino people, people who use wheelchairs, other people of color, all loving who they are and loving being in their bodies.</p> <p dir="ltr">This looked like reading their essays and articles. This looked like showing their selfies some love. This looked like purposely, consciously changing the way I internally responded to the people I saw walking down the street every day. This looked like telling myself that I like the way I look, even if I didn&#8217;t believe it some days. I told myself and told myself until it became second nature to think it.</p> <p dir="ltr">When I did that, the possibility opened up. There was a way to love myself.</p> <h3>Vitiligo doesn&#8217;t have to be a bad thing</h3> <p dir="ltr">&#8220;I&#8217;m like a rapidly gentrifying neighborhood,&#8221; I told my friend the other day at dinner, and he threw his head back and laughed. I was proud of myself in that moment, because I never thought I&#8217;d reach the point where I could joke about it, where I would be so comfortable in myself that I could own it to that degree. But here I am, happy, even as my vitiligo continues to spread.</p> <p dir="ltr">Today, I am patiently waiting for the white patches to show up somewhere my clothes can&#8217;t hide them. I was told to check my hands, as that is where they&#8217;ll probably show up next. When they do, there will doubtless be people who stare. There will be people who feel sorry for me, people who think there is something wrong with me, and even people who think I&#8217;m ugly.</p> <p dir="ltr"><q class="center" aria-hidden="true">I saw myself as a work in progress as opposed to a person. I only saw which parts of me made the cut and which parts didn&#8217;t, and I strove to change the parts that didn&#8217;t.</q></p> <p dir="ltr">But my vitiligo has encouraged me to steal myself back from the eyes of others. It has emboldened me to consider my own opinion first, because my body, like all bodies, is a subjective truth, and I have agency to be the first to interpret it.</p> <p dir="ltr">There is nothing stopping me from considering my vitiligo beautiful. There is nothing stopping me from looking in the mirror at my skin and feeling not just okay with it but enchanted by it. If I were a flower, I&#8217;d be the one I&#8217;d pick. If I were a rock, I think I&#8217;d be a shiny one that I&#8217;d slip in my pocket and keep. I look interesting. I look different. That&#8217;s a good thing.</p> <p dir="ltr">Of course, it&#8217;s not always easy to access that state of mind. There are days when my body dysmorphia flares up. There are days when I wish my vitiligo would just go away. On those days, the words &#8220;disorder&#8221; and &#8220;condition&#8221; creep up, and they inspire a lump in my throat. They make me scared.</p> <p dir="ltr">But when that happens, I take comfort in the knowledge that there is a way to love my skin. There is a way to look at myself in the mirror and like what I see.</p> <p><em>John Paul Brammer is a writer and journalist based in Washington, DC. He covers LGBTQ, Latino, and mental health issues.</em></p> <hr> <p><a href="http://www.vox.com/first-person" target="new" rel="noopener">First Person</a> is Vox&#8217;s home for compelling, provocative narrative essays. Do you have a story to share? Read our <a href="http://www.vox.com/2015/6/12/8767221/vox-first-person-explained" target="new" rel="noopener">submission guidelines</a>, and pitch us at <a href="mailto:firstperson@vox.com">firstperson@vox.com</a>.</p> </div><p></p>
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			<author>
				<name>John Paul Brammer</name>
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			<title type="html"><![CDATA[I was so ashamed of my body that I locked myself in my apartment for days. Here’s why.]]></title>
			<link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="https://www.vox.com/2015/10/28/9617554/body-dysmorphic-disorder" />
			<id>https://www.vox.com/2015/10/28/9617554/body-dysmorphic-disorder</id>
			<updated>2017-12-14T11:40:56-05:00</updated>
			<published>2015-10-28T08:00:02-04:00</published>
			<category scheme="https://www.vox.com" term="Features" /><category scheme="https://www.vox.com" term="Health Care" /><category scheme="https://www.vox.com" term="Life" /><category scheme="https://www.vox.com" term="Policy" />
							<summary type="html"><![CDATA[On the third day of being locked in my apartment, it dawned on me that I would eventually have to step outside. I&#8217;d finished off a box of cornflakes the day before. I was officially out of food, and I felt a gnawing pain at the bottom of my gut. This was hunger, the real [&#8230;]]]></summary>
			
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<div class="chorus-snippet center"> <p>On the third day of being locked in my apartment, it dawned on me that I would eventually have to step outside.</p> <p>I&#8217;d finished off a box of cornflakes the day before. I was officially out of food, and I felt a gnawing pain at the bottom of my gut. This was hunger, the real kind, and I was left with little choice but to throw on a hoodie and head to the grocery store.</p> <div class="float-right s-sidebar"> <h4>More from First Person</h4> <p><img src="https://platform.vox.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/chorus/uploads/chorus_asset/file/3959262/ForgivingMyRapistIllo.0.jpg" alt="An illustration of open hands overlaid on closed fists " data-chorus-asset-id="3959262"></p> <p><a href="http://www.vox.com/2015/8/27/9073853/forgive-my-rapist" target="new" rel="noopener">How I came to forgive my rapist</a></p> <p><a href="http://www.vox.com/2015/7/16/8961799/housekeeper-job-clients" target="new" rel="noopener">I spent 2 years cleaning houses. What I saw makes me never want to be rich.</a></p> <p><a href="http://www.vox.com/2015/9/11/9301089/911-survivor-recovery" target="new" rel="noopener">I helped 9/11 survivors through recovery. Here&#8217;s what I learned.</a></p> </div> <p>I layered on as many clothes as I could, careful to avoid any mirrors. I shook as I got myself dressed, not from hunger or because I hadn&#8217;t slept the night before, but because I was afraid.</p> <p>I was going outside. People were going to see me.</p> <p>My condition has a name: body dysmorphic disorder. It means obsessive preoccupation with a perceived defect in physical appearance. But I wouldn&#8217;t learn that until later. When I locked myself in my apartment for three consecutive days, it had no name.</p> <p>It wasn&#8217;t, at that time, even a disorder. It was a series of concerns. It was squashing my ears against the sides of my head because I thought they stuck out and taking pictures of myself in profile to see how big my nose was. It was burning a dirt track around my parents&#8217; house because I had to run until I wasn&#8217;t fat anymore.</p> <p><a href="https://iocdf.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/BDD-Fact-Sheet.pdf">Research on the subject</a> is scarce, but BDD is a condition that some experts believe could affect at least one in every 200 people.</p> <p>Here are seven things that might help you understand it a little better.</p> <h3>1) Body dysmorphic disorder is an obsession with a flaw that may not even exist.</h3> <p>Why did I lock myself in my apartment? Because I thought my head was too big for my body.</p> <p>Not as in, &#8220;I can&#8217;t find a hat that fits, ha ha.&#8221; As in, I believed I looked like a bobblehead toy; that my head was so huge that people would laugh if they saw me.</p> <p>Somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew the facts of the situation. No one had ever made fun of me for having an oversize head. Even if the size of my head were an open secret, nobody had ever treated me differently because of it. But these facts didn&#8217;t matter: The moment I persuaded myself that I had a cartoon head, I became obsessed with it. It was the only fact that mattered.</p> <p>For a person with BDD, each perceived defect becomes the new center of the world. Everything in life is reduced to an opportunity to either confirm or deny his worst fears. For me, this looked like asking my friends, as casually I could muster, &#8220;So, do you think I have a big head?&#8221; A question that almost always elicited a, &#8220;What?&#8221; or an, &#8220;Excuse me?&#8221;</p> <p>I couldn&#8217;t help myself. I was obsessed. I was consumed. I knew how ridiculous I sounded, but the state of mind I was in compelled me to keep asking, even though I knew there was nothing anyone could say that would make me feel better.</p> <p>Yes, I knew that only I could see this flaw. But that didn&#8217;t make it any less real to me.</p> <h3>2) We use rituals to cope with overwhelming anxiety</h3> <p>Apart from BDD, I suffer from generalized anxiety disorder, but even with that baseline, BDD produces anxiety more painful than any other I&#8217;ve experienced.</p> <p>When my GAD leads to a panic attack, I can usually wait it out. If I can make it an hour, the feeling will pass.</p> <p>But the panic my BDD provokes can last for days. Sometimes it lasts for weeks. The anxiety feels more urgent than the general kind, more primal. The only thing that matters is that I fix this flaw. Until it&#8217;s fixed, I can&#8217;t go on living, no matter the costs.</p> <div class="float-left"><q>My friends and family just didn&#8217;t want to hurt my feelings, my anxiety told me, so they couldn&#8217;t be trusted</q></div> <p>Some BDD sufferers go as far as radical plastic surgery to assuage this panic. More common, however, is attempting to cover up the flaw and live normally with it hidden. For me, this involved wearing chunky sweaters, oversize hoodies &mdash; anything that bulked up my body to a size I thought was more appropriate to my head.</p> <p>The &#8220;covering&#8221; let me function, but barely. I felt like I was walking on knife&#8217;s edge. One slip-up, one stray glance into the wrong mirror, one plausibly negative comment, no matter how casual, would be enough to destroy the fragile peace of mind my clothing gave me.</p> <p>When I didn&#8217;t have to be out in public, I&#8217;d spend my time at home taking pictures. An embarrassing number of pictures. So many pictures that whenever I&#8217;d come down from an especially intense bout of anxiety, it would take me an hour to go through my phone and delete them all.</p> <p>Behaviors like these are what people with BDD call &#8220;rituals.&#8221; They exist out of necessity. The mind looks for ways to rid itself of the stress, for something it can tangibly do to get to a better place. Anyone who suffers from obsessive-compulsive disorder will likely recognize this need for rituals. BDD acts in much the same way.</p> <p><strong> </strong></p> <p>Without these rituals, there would be nothing to distract the mind from the pain of the persisting defect. In addition to spending several hours every day taking pictures, I also spent a considerable amount of time on my computer looking up ways to conceal my flaw. At the same time, I looked to confirm it: I sought out strangers online, people I thought would give me a frank answer. My friends and family just didn&#8217;t want to hurt my feelings, my anxiety told me, so they couldn&#8217;t be trusted. Internet strangers would tell me how big my head was, and then, somehow, I could fix it.</p> <h3>3) BDD goes hand in hand with eating disorders</h3> <p>I was overweight as a kid. I was biracial, too, and the combination left me with a body type that proved easy fodder for my middle school classmates. My ass was large, my chest was huge, my waist was small next to both of them, and so they would tease me for having the &#8220;body of a girl.&#8221; I learned to be ashamed of being seen, of taking up space, of looking the way I looked.</p> <p>My mind made sense of this treatment by making it rational, even deserved: You are being bullied because you look hideous. If you looked different, people would be nicer to you.</p> <p>I was 16 the first time I purged. I would run several miles a day, so often that I burned a dirt track around my parents&#8217; house with my feet. I starved myself. I got so thin that people were concerned. They asked if I was sick. They asked my mother if I was eating. They asked me if I was &#8220;manorexic.&#8221;</p> <p>I took it all as a compliment. I would rather be sickly thin than fat. Even when it became painful to sit down because I had nothing between my skin and my bones, I was happy because I wasn&#8217;t heavy anymore.</p> <p>But self-loathing is fickle, and one day it flipped the script. I realized that I didn&#8217;t want to be skinny, because skinny wasn&#8217;t &#8220;manly.&#8221; I wanted to be muscular. I wanted to be bigger.</p> <p>Before I could only see my body as fat: Even at my thinnest I wanted to be thinner. Then, suddenly, it was sickly. Disgusting. I was so thin that my head looked huge on my body.</p> <p>A new defect was born.</p> <h3>4) Pictures and videos are everywhere now &mdash; and that makes it so much worse</h3> <p>I can&#8217;t imagine that BDD has ever been easy, but I think it&#8217;s made harder by a world where Snapchat and selfies pervade.</p> <p>It seems like everyone wants to take a picture these days. Everyone wants to remember every moment in film. But film and photographs, like mirrors, are the enemies of anyone with BDD.</p> <p>It tends to go one of two ways: Either you completely avoid your own image, or you&#8217;re obsessed with it. You avoid the mirror, or you never stop looking in it. You take no pictures, or you take a thousand.</p> <div class="float-right s-sidebar"> <h4>More on chronic illness</h4> <p><img src="https://platform.vox.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/chorus/uploads/chorus_asset/file/4143592/shutterstock_103754687.0.jpg" alt="Woman in pain in an empty room" data-chorus-asset-id="4143592"></p> <p><a href="http://www.vox.com/2015/10/12/9488359/I-have-lupus" target="new" rel="noopener">I have lupus. Here are 8 things I wish people understood about my disease</a>.</p> <p><a href="http://www.vox.com/2015/8/24/9182519/alzheimers-caregiver-nurse" target="new" rel="noopener">I thought I could fix my Alzheimer&rsquo;s patients. I learned to help them instead.</a></p> <p><a href="http://www.vox.com/2015/1/8/7509715/depression-help" target="new" rel="noopener">The secrets of depression</a></p> </div> <p>If forced to confront their reflection, people with BDD are likely to spend enormous amounts of time looking at it, searching for the flaw they know is there, trying to determine if it&#8217;s real or imagined.</p> <p>The endless scrutiny offers no clarity. For all the time I&#8217;ve spent looking at myself, I do not know what I look like. Every mirror, every photo, every video presents a different version of me. Sometimes my flaw is proven real. Sometimes it is there but not as bad as I believed it to be. Yet even this validation doesn&#8217;t help; it only sends me seeking out more mirrors and more photos in order to confirm my relief, and this only brings me back to finding my flaw again &mdash; bad as ever.</p> <p>Despite, or perhaps due to, the obsession, I hate being photographed.</p> <p>&#8220;No, please, I don&#8217;t like photos,&#8221; I say when one of my friends takes out their phone for a picture. &#8220;Please.&#8221;</p> <p>If they take a picture anyway, I become incredibly hostile.</p> <p>&#8220;I said I don&#8217;t like pictures. What about that do you not understand? I said <em>no.&#8221;</em></p> <p>I am desperately trying to avoid a confrontation with my appearance.</p> <p>The last time I saw a video of myself, it was for work. I have a job in media, and I was asked to speak about an issue in front of a camera.</p> <p>I tried to push through. I didn&#8217;t want to be a bad employee. But in the end, when I had to watch and hear myself, it shattered me.</p> <p>I walked to the bathroom and stayed there for an hour. I cried. I spent time looking in the mirror, trying to rebuild an image of myself I could live with, looking for the flaws I hated so much. It wasn&#8217;t anyone&#8217;s fault. It&#8217;s living with BDD &mdash; I couldn&#8217;t stand to look at myself, but I needed to.</p> <p><strong> </strong></p> <h3>5) BDD is underresearched and underdiagnosed</h3> <p>BDD can have drastic consequences beyond the day-to-day pain of the condition. Some consider suicide. In the depths of one of my episodes, I told myself I couldn&#8217;t live like this the rest of my life, that if I had to feel this way, even occasionally, it wasn&#8217;t worth going on.</p> <p>But despite these risks, studies of BDD remain scarce, and information is difficult to find.</p> <p>Despite how common it&#8217;s now believed to be, <a href="http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1414653/">it often goes undiagnosed and underrecognized.</a></p> <p>What we do know is that most people with BDD suffer from other mental disorders simultaneously, the most common of which are depression and anxiety.</p> <p>When an official diagnosis made me more aware of my illness, I tried to seek out a community. But this proved difficult: The very nature of the disease makes people uncomfortable with being forthcoming. They worry it might draw attention to their perceived flaw. Doing so right now, even in a relatively lucid state of mind, is a challenge.</p> <p>The disease is also difficult to diagnose in men, who are far less likely to admit that they have an eating disorder or that they struggle with their appearances. That was a fear I had. According to all the societal messages I&#8217;d received, men weren&#8217;t supposed to have mental illnesses, and they certainly weren&#8217;t supposed to be worried about the way they look. At the height of my suffering, when I locked myself in my apartment for three days, I was still in the closet. I was terrified of being associated with anything people might see as feminine.</p> <p>But despite the &#8220;unmanliness&#8221; of worrying about one&#8217;s appearance, men still receive daily messages about what the ideal man is supposed to look like: tall, a head full of hair, muscular, and rugged. The result is a perfect storm. Men suffer from BDD, but don&#8217;t want to talk about it.</p> <p>That&#8217;s how it was for me.</p> <p>The limited research we do have, however, shows that men and women are about equally likely to have the disease. If we want more people to seek treatment, we must push for more research and examine how our society induces the terror of physical imperfection, then discourages its victims from seeking help.</p> <h3>6) Therapy and medication offer hope, but not a cure</h3> <p><strong> </strong></p> <p>I&#8217;ve painted a pretty grim portrait of BDD. But I must stress that there is hope.</p> <p>Serotonin reuptake inhibitors have been shown to be effective in treating BDD. I take Zoloft and a mood stabilizer. More research is required before we know the best drugs for this particular illness, but <a href="http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2705931/">studies show</a> that symptoms do improve after patients go on medication.</p> <div class="float-right"><q>It&#8217;s okay that I&#8217;m feeling this right now, but I know I don&#8217;t have to feel this way</q></div> <p>Therapy is also important.</p> <p>For me, the most effective form of therapy has been dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), a form of cognitive behavioral psychotherapy that focuses on mindfulness, distress tolerance, and emotional regulation.</p> <p>DBT has taught me how better to regulate the intense emotions that my dysmorphia can provoke. It has also taught me how I can acknowledge the pain I feel and the visceral reaction my body has to my BDD while also acknowledging the facts: I am having this reaction because of my illness. It&#8217;s okay that I&#8217;m feeling this right now, but I know I don&#8217;t have to feel this way. I know that it will pass.</p> <p>Mindfulness, the practice of being present in the moment, has also proved to be very useful in my fight with BDD. Exercises vary, but one I find helpful is picking out an object and listing facts about it. This table is made of wood. This table is brown. This table has four legs. This helps me anchor myself more firmly in reality and keeps me from straying too far into obsessive, abstract fears.</p> <p>Treatment hasn&#8217;t cured me. But it has helped me achieve a sort of agnosticism about my appearance. I have a body. My body is just fine. My body isn&#8217;t the most important part of me.</p> <h3>7) There are good ways to be there for someone with BDD &mdash; and bad ways</h3> <p><strong> </strong></p> <p>Don&#8217;t tell someone with BDD that her flaw doesn&#8217;t exist. We know. If we don&#8217;t, it&#8217;s because that flaw has become the most basic fact of our universe. Neither case is helped much by debate.</p> <p><strong> </strong></p> <p>But being there for a friend or loved one with the disorder isn&#8217;t impossible.</p> <p>I can&#8217;t tell you how many phone calls I&#8217;ve had with my mother while I was going through an episode. She didn&#8217;t tell me that my flaw wasn&#8217;t there &mdash; that wouldn&#8217;t have helped &mdash; but she did remind me that my pain stemmed from a mental illness. She helped me take my mind off the flaw and redirect my focus onto the facts of my situation. And that&#8217;s perhaps the best thing you can do for people with BDD: help take their mind off it.</p> <p>Do something else.</p> <p>The last time I had an episode, a friend asked if I wanted to take a walk. We went outside, away from my bathroom mirrors and to a place where I couldn&#8217;t take any photos, and we talked for a while.</p> <p>It can also be vital to take people with BDD away from their triggers, to ask them what might set them off and help them avoid it. If they don&#8217;t want their picture taken, if they don&#8217;t want one of their physical features discussed, if being in a certain kind of environment makes them uneasy, those requests should be respected.</p> <p>Communicating and respecting these requests might seem small to a person without BDD, but they could save a person with BDD from several hours of anxiety, pain, and wasted time.</p> <p>If a friend or loved one feels like she might have BDD, encourage her to seek help. As with any mental illness, self-diagnosis is not suggested. Once BDD is diagnosed, that person can move forward in seeking ways to treat it, and I speak from personal experience when I say that a little bit of treatment can go a long way.</p> <p>This is a poorly understood disease. It is discussed so rarely that it is often mistaken for something else entirely: vanity, or OCD.</p> <p>What we can all do right now is help start a dialogue about it.</p> <p>When I locked myself in my apartment for three days, nothing was more terrifying than the prospect of stepping outside where people could see me.</p> <p>Today, I am healthy enough to write about my illness, to discuss my perceived flaw where everyone can read it, and to do so without sacrificing my peace of mind.</p> <p>Progress is possible. Like most things, the first step is the hardest.</p> <p><em>John Paul Brammer is a writer and journalist based in Washington, DC. He covers LGBTQ, Latino, and mental health issues.</em></p> <hr> <p><a href="http://www.vox.com/first-person" target="new" rel="noopener">First Person</a> is Vox&#8217;s home for compelling, provocative narrative essays. Do you have a story to share? Read our <a href="http://www.vox.com/2015/6/12/8767221/vox-first-person-explained" target="new" rel="noopener">submission guidelines</a>, and pitch us at <a href="mailto:firstperson@vox.com">firstperson@vox.com</a>.</p> </div><ul class="m-related-links" data-analytics-placement="bottom"> <h3>Learn more</h3> <li class="related-links-item"><a data-analytics-link="related" class="related-links-link" href="http://www.vox.com/2015/10/19/9554583/doctor-good-death"><div class="related-links-item-image"></div> <div class="related-links-item-highlight"></div> <div class="related-links-item-headline">I&rsquo;m a doctor. Preparing you for death is as much a part of my job as saving lives.</div></a></li> <li class="related-links-item"><a data-analytics-link="related" class="related-links-link" href="http://www.vox.com/2015/10/14/9519855/a-little-life"><div class="related-links-item-image"></div> <div class="related-links-item-highlight"></div> <div class="related-links-item-headline">A Little Life is the best novel of the year. I wouldn&rsquo;t recommend it to anyone.</div></a></li> <li class="related-links-item"><a data-analytics-link="related" class="related-links-link" href="http://www.vox.com/2015/9/25/9393721/borderline-personality-disorder"><div class="related-links-item-image"></div> <div class="related-links-item-highlight"></div> <div class="related-links-item-headline">I have borderline personality disorder. Here are 6 things I wish people understood.</div></a></li> </ul><p></p>
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