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	<title type="text">Karie Fugett | Vox</title>
	<subtitle type="text">Our world has too much noise and too little context. Vox helps you understand what matters.</subtitle>

	<updated>2020-04-09T00:06:12+00:00</updated>

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		<entry>
			
			<author>
				<name>Karie Fugett</name>
			</author>
			
			<title type="html"><![CDATA[I live in rural America cut off from the internet. The pandemic has made me more isolated than ever.]]></title>
			<link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="https://www.vox.com/first-person/2020/4/9/21214105/coronavirus-internet-rural-america" />
			<id>https://www.vox.com/first-person/2020/4/9/21214105/coronavirus-internet-rural-america</id>
			<updated>2020-04-08T20:06:12-04:00</updated>
			<published>2020-04-09T09:40:00-04:00</published>
			<category scheme="https://www.vox.com" term="Covid-19" /><category scheme="https://www.vox.com" term="Health" />
							<summary type="html"><![CDATA[I am writing this from my car, which is parked in a Taco Bell parking lot. I have been here for hours now, and I have lost count of the times employees have looked out the glass front doors to see if I&#8217;ve left yet. Every time I notice them, I sink a little lower [&#8230;]]]></summary>
			
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<img alt="" data-caption="Karie Fugett’s camper trailer in Drain, Oregon. | Courtesy of Karie Fugett" data-portal-copyright="Courtesy of Karie Fugett" data-has-syndication-rights="1" src="https://platform.vox.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/chorus/uploads/chorus_asset/file/19885486/20200408_090413.jpg?quality=90&#038;strip=all&#038;crop=0,0,100,100" />
	<figcaption>
	Karie Fugett’s camper trailer in Drain, Oregon. | Courtesy of Karie Fugett	</figcaption>
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<p>I am writing this from my car, which is parked in a Taco Bell parking lot. I have been here for hours now, and I have lost count of the times employees have looked out the glass front doors to see if I&rsquo;ve left yet. Every time I notice them, I sink a little lower in my seat. I don&rsquo;t want to be here. I&rsquo;m embarrassed. But I don&rsquo;t have internet in my home, and without public wifi, I can&rsquo;t work.&nbsp;</p>

<p>When I moved to Drain, Oregon, population 1,169, I did so because it was my dream to buy a small farm and land is cheaper here than in larger towns. What I didn&rsquo;t realize was that in rural America, internet options are often limited.</p>

<p>Drain, for example, has satellite, hot spot, and fiber optics. I have tried a satellite and a hot spot, but the Douglas fir forest that surrounds my property blocks the signal. Ideally, I would have fiber optics, the most reliable source available to me, but my property is located behind railroad tracks. That means I have to pay a nonrefundable $1,500 application fee to the internet company to find out from the railroad company how much they will charge me to have a fiber optics line installed over the tracks. The internet company will not give me an estimate other than to say &ldquo;it is very expensive,&rdquo; and I cannot afford to gamble $1,500.&nbsp;</p>

<p>I am not alone &mdash; <a href="https://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2019/04/22/some-americans-dont-use-the-internet-who-are-they/">33 million people in America live without internet,</a> including 15 percent of folks living in rural areas. Though 34 percent of those without it simply don&rsquo;t want it, 32 percent say they find the internet &ldquo;too difficult to use,&rdquo; and 19 percent are like me and cannot afford it.&nbsp;</p>
<figure class="wp-block-gallery has-nested-images columns-1 wp-block-gallery-1 is-layout-flex wp-block-gallery-is-layout-flex"><img src="https://platform.vox.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/chorus/uploads/chorus_asset/file/19885488/20200408_090511.jpg?quality=90&#038;strip=all&#038;crop=0,0,100,100" alt="" title="" data-has-syndication-rights="1" data-caption="When Fugett moved to Drain to own a small farm, she didn’t realize her internet options would be limited. | Courtesy of Karie Fugett" data-portal-copyright="Courtesy of Karie Fugett" />
<img src="https://platform.vox.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/chorus/uploads/chorus_asset/file/19885489/20200408_090535.jpg?quality=90&#038;strip=all&#038;crop=0,0,100,100" alt="" title="" data-has-syndication-rights="1" data-caption="A photo of Fugett’s boyfriend and animals, taken through a window of their camper. | Courtesy of Karie Fugett" data-portal-copyright="Courtesy of Karie Fugett" />
</figure>
<p>JB Brown, 40, is a military veteran and business owner who lives in a small town of 537 people called Mineral, Virginia. He, too, lives without home internet access. He says he, his wife, and four children have gone without it for three years because the satellite service available is &ldquo;very spotty&rdquo; and &ldquo;if you go over a certain amount of gigabytes they slow your internet down unless you purchase more at a crazy cost.&rdquo; While he says the cost is not worth the unreliable service, the lack of internet has cost his business money. &ldquo;I use an online platform for all of my bidding and contracts,&rdquo; he told me. &ldquo;I&rsquo;m willing to bet I have lost well over $20,000 of business because bids have to get done in a timely manner.&rdquo;&nbsp;</p>

<p>Before the <a href="https://www.vox.com/coronavirus-covid19">coronavirus</a> pandemic, as many others watched Netflix and worked from home and ordered groceries online, those without the internet learned to adapt to a slightly different lifestyle. For me, it was DVDs and chill, it was work-from-library freelance writer, it was cruising the produce aisle myself, old-school style. JB&rsquo;s wife, Vanessa, completed the majority of her master&rsquo;s degree from her phone. We make it work.&nbsp;</p>

<p>I&rsquo;d gotten used to my internet routine pre-pandemic. On days I needed to work, I would drive 15 minutes to the Cottage Grove library because the internet there is more reliable than the one in Drain. If I was lucky, I&rsquo;d get my favorite seat at the corner table next to the window and an outlet. Sometimes, if I had to work before or after business hours to make a deadline, I would spend nights and early mornings working in parking lots that had wifi. It was uncomfortable and the internet was never reliable, so I typically avoided writing projects with a quick turnaround. As with JB, it has cost me money.&nbsp;</p>

<p>But now that the libraries and businesses I used to rely on for internet have closed, the threads of connection I clung to before have been taken away. I cannot rent DVDs. I cannot go to the library to work. Even cruising grocery store aisles is a bad idea.</p>

<p>The irony is that because most places are closed, people without internet access need it to survive more than ever. If an employee isn&rsquo;t considered essential and can&rsquo;t work online, they lose their income. Students without internet cannot join their classmates on Zoom, setting them back in the school year. Workouts are going online. Therapy is going online. Online shopping has been deemed the safest option.</p>
<figure class="wp-block-pullquote alignleft"><blockquote><p>“When I am able to get online, I am amazed to read about the ways people are coming together virtually in the pandemic.”</p></blockquote></figure>
<p>But those in rural communities &mdash; as well as low-income communities &mdash; are being left behind. Kids who live in shelters may now have access to school-mandated devices, but they still <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2020/03/26/nyregion/new-york-homeless-students-coronavirus.html">lack internet access to do their schoolwork</a>. Athena Lathos, 25, who is a library assistant at Albany Public Library in Albany, Oregon, says 20 percent of the people living in her county do not have internet and rely on their library for service. &ldquo;The closing of our library has had an immediate impact on low-income and marginalized members of our community,&rdquo; she told me. Since the pandemic began, &ldquo;we have people parking along our perimeter for free wifi. Those who don&rsquo;t have the ability to park like that, they have no recourse right now.&rdquo;</p>

<p>The recent <a href="https://www.vox.com/2020/3/27/21196202/house-passes-2-trillion-coronavirus-stimulus-package">stimulus bill</a> does include approximately $100 million &ldquo;for grants to cover the construction, improvement, or acquisition of facilities and equipment needed to provide broadband service in eligible rural areas.&rdquo; But it is unclear if this will help individuals like me and JB who cannot access preexisting services.</p>

<p>When I am able to get online, I am amazed to read about the ways people are coming together virtually in the pandemic. People are singing to each other, reading poetry, offering free yoga classes, and more. Humans are so resilient and creative and determined to connect. It&rsquo;s inspiring. I just wish I could participate.</p>

<p>This pandemic has exposed, more than ever, just how necessary access to the internet is. My hope is that our government will do more in the future to remove barriers and ensure easy access to every American. Until then, I&rsquo;ll be here in rural Oregon, lurking in fast-food parking lots in search of a few wifi bars and wondering, &ldquo;What even is a <a href="http://vox.com/culture/2020/3/20/21187519/tiger-king-netflix-review">Tiger King</a>?&rdquo;&nbsp;</p>

<p><em>Karie Fugett is a contributing writer for the Economic Hardship Reporting Project. Her memoir, </em>Alive Day,<em> is forthcoming with Dial Press.&nbsp;</em></p>
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					</entry>
			<entry>
			
			<author>
				<name>Karie Fugett</name>
			</author>
			
			<title type="html"><![CDATA[My husband was a veteran living in shame. He died from an opioid addiction.]]></title>
			<link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="https://www.vox.com/first-person/2019/11/11/20955190/veterans-opioid-addiction-shame" />
			<id>https://www.vox.com/first-person/2019/11/11/20955190/veterans-opioid-addiction-shame</id>
			<updated>2019-11-11T10:17:24-05:00</updated>
			<published>2019-11-11T10:18:14-05:00</published>
			<category scheme="https://www.vox.com" term="archives" />
							<summary type="html"><![CDATA[In November 2008, I found my husband Cleve in bed next to me as usual. What was unusual was that he was turning purple and suffocating on his own vomit. I will never forget how heavy his limp 225-pound body was as I attempted to get him to the ground, only to drop him on [&#8230;]]]></summary>
			
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<img alt="" data-caption="A soldier places American flags on headstones in Arlington National Cemetery in Virginia on May 24, 2018. | Elizabeth Fraser/Arlington National Cemetery Getty Images" data-portal-copyright="Elizabeth Fraser/Arlington National Cemetery Getty Images" data-has-syndication-rights="1" src="https://platform.vox.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/chorus/uploads/chorus_asset/file/19359824/GettyImages_982841738.jpg?quality=90&#038;strip=all&#038;crop=0,0,100,100" />
	<figcaption>
	A soldier places American flags on headstones in Arlington National Cemetery in Virginia on May 24, 2018. | Elizabeth Fraser/Arlington National Cemetery Getty Images	</figcaption>
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<p>In November 2008, I found my husband Cleve in bed next to me as usual. What was unusual was that he was turning purple and suffocating on his own vomit. I will never forget how heavy his limp 225-pound body was as I attempted to get him to the ground, only to drop him on his head and frantically straighten him out. I performed CPR through vomit and sobs. When the paramedics came, they gave him a shot of naloxone to the heart. He lived. He was lucky that I was there to find him.&nbsp;</p>

<p>Cleve became addicted to prescription opioids after being wounded during his second deployment to Iraq in April 2006, only three months after we eloped. Cleve&rsquo;s Humvee was hit by an IED, leaving him with an amputated leg, PTSD, and traumatic brain injury. At 21, he had survived war, but in his pain he wound up on prescription opioids. Four years later, he would overdose for a final time while at an inpatient facility for veterans with PTSD called Camp Victory. He died ashamed and afraid of losing his military status.&nbsp;</p>
<img src="https://platform.vox.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/chorus/uploads/chorus_asset/file/19359844/FB_IMG_1573226780592.jpg?quality=90&#038;strip=all&#038;crop=0,0,100,100" alt="" title="" data-has-syndication-rights="1" data-caption="Karie Fugett’s husband Cleve became addicted to opioids after being wounded in Iraq in 2006. | Courtesy of Karie Fugett" data-portal-copyright="Courtesy of Karie Fugett" />
<p>Cleve is not an anomaly. Many vets struggle with both addiction and the fear of losing their benefits as a result of it. Studies by the Congressional Research Service show that <a href="https://fas.org/sgp/crs/natsec/IF10899.pdf">14 percent of accidental deaths unrelated to a Secretary of Defense-designated military operation were related to substance abuse</a>. The lingering pain of their various injuries on top of the stress of returning from war is what often leads veterans to opioids. After all, studies have found that <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4596634/">44 percent of veterans who go to war return home with chronic pain</a> and between <a href="https://www.ptsd.va.gov/understand/common/common_veterans.asp">11 percent and 20 percent of veterans who served in the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan returned home with PTSD</a>. Often, veterans come home with a combination of both.&nbsp;</p>

<p>Until the military publicly ensures no veteran&rsquo;s job, rank, or benefits will be taken away for substance abuse, service members and veterans will continue dying from overdoses. Our country has to do the deeper work of ensuring traumatized veterans keep their jobs and benefits despite addiction. And Cleve sure needed those benefits. He chose the military partially for them because he had few other options.&nbsp;</p>
<h2 class="wp-block-heading">Veterans need resources for addiction, trauma, and shame</h2>
<p>Cleve was born into a poor family. When we were 13 and 14 in Alabama, we both struggled but also had our joys: sneaking out in the night, smoking cigarettes behind the Calvary Baptist Church, or kissing for the first time behind the bleachers of the football field of our middle school. College was never an option for us. But, as the oldest son, he wanted to make a better life for himself and his family. The military came with insurance, decent pay, and free college.&nbsp;</p>

<p>When Cleve returned from Ramadi, Iraq, he was in pain. He was greeted with much fanfare on the surface &mdash; parades and medals &mdash; and his physical wounds, including his amputated leg, were treated with care. &ldquo;Hero,&rdquo; they called him. But his suffering continued nonetheless and he became addicted to his pain medications.&nbsp;</p>

<p>The Marine Corps was very clear when he joined: There would be random drug tests and he would be in trouble if anything showed up in his urine. He didn&rsquo;t know how that applied to him once he was wounded so he did his best to hide the problem. His biggest fear was losing his rank or, worse, getting booted from the military. When he sought help, doctors were unsure how to treat him, though they did their best. Ultimately, he was so ashamed of his addiction that he isolated himself.&nbsp;</p>
<img src="https://platform.vox.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/chorus/uploads/chorus_asset/file/19359842/FB_IMG_1573227009797.jpg?quality=90&#038;strip=all&#038;crop=0,0,100,100" alt="" title="" data-has-syndication-rights="1" data-caption="Karie Fugett with her husband Cleve, before he passed away from an overdose in 2010. | Courtesy of Karie Fugett" data-portal-copyright="Courtesy of Karie Fugett" />
<p>As Cleve&rsquo;s addiction grew, his dreams of a better life began to fade. His symptoms had become the butt of jokes with his friends. He had burn holes in all of his shorts from passing out with cigarettes in his hand and carried a towel in his back pocket to wipe the constant sweat from his face. &ldquo;I don&rsquo;t like who I&rsquo;ve become,&rdquo; he told me once after a big fight where he&rsquo;d punched me in the chest, something he&rsquo;d never done before. &ldquo;This isn&rsquo;t who my daddy raised me to be.&rdquo; After he medically retired, when we discussed him going to rehab, he told me he was afraid. &ldquo;What if I lose everything?&rdquo; he asked, both of us in tears.</p>

<p>Since he died, I&rsquo;ve heard a similar sense of shame and fear from other veterans suffering from addiction.</p>

<p>Amanda Brooker, 32, a vet now in recovery from opioid addiction, spent years hiding her addiction from her family and refused to get treatment from the VA. &ldquo;I was afraid of being labeled a junkie,&rdquo; she said. She also feared losing her rank and benefits.&nbsp;</p>

<p>Today, I wonder if Cleve&rsquo;s life could have been saved had more resources been readily available to him. Because of the severity of his injuries, <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2019/02/09/opinion/sunday/pain-opioids.html">prescription opioids were likely the most humane option</a> when he was initially wounded. But what if he had had alternative treatments to recover? As it was, it took him overdosing the first time to finally admit he had a problem at all. Even then, he struggled to ask for help. &ldquo;I&rsquo;m better than this,&rdquo; he said once. &ldquo;I should be able to handle stuff like this.&rdquo;</p>

<p>To be sure, there is some hope on the horizon. The national emergency of overdoses across the country is finally getting the attention of policymakers. Medical centers, including Tomah&rsquo;s VA Medical Center (once dubbed &ldquo;Candy Land&rdquo; for dispensing drugs first and asking questions later), are increasingly including new therapies, from acupuncture to whole-health coaching, looking beyond opioids for the treatment of pain and stress in veterans. In the White River Junction VA in Vermont, pool therapy is offered. And additional research into their trauma may help as well, like the <a href="https://news.yale.edu/2019/03/21/yale-researchers-awarded-40-million-study-opioid-addiction-treatments">$40 million the VA awarded to Yale for treatment research</a> for veterans.</p>

<p class="has-end-mark">Shame and isolation killed Cleve as much as the Fentanyl. If the VA and the Trump administration want to help veterans, it will be just as important to address the stigma surrounding addiction and invest in more policies and programs that not only help them with pain but secure their futures even if they do have addictions or are in recovery. Only then will struggling service members feel really welcomed home.</p>

<p><em>This article was supported by the </em><a href="http://economichardship.org/"><em>Economic Hardship Reporting Project</em></a><em>, a journalism nonprofit.</em></p>

<p><strong>Correction: </strong>This article originally misstated the medication paramedics gave to Cleve after his overdose. It was naloxone.</p>
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