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	<title type="text">Lux Alptraum | Vox</title>
	<subtitle type="text">Our world has too much noise and too little context. Vox helps you understand what matters.</subtitle>

	<updated>2024-03-19T22:14:00+00:00</updated>

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			<author>
				<name>Lux Alptraum</name>
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			<title type="html"><![CDATA[Banning sex work will be considered unthinkable 50 years from now]]></title>
			<link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="https://www.vox.com/2019/3/27/18175672/sex-worker-criminalization" />
			<id>https://www.vox.com/2019/3/27/18175672/sex-worker-criminalization</id>
			<updated>2019-05-06T14:38:33-04:00</updated>
			<published>2019-04-03T09:26:58-04:00</published>
			<category scheme="https://www.vox.com" term="Gender" /><category scheme="https://www.vox.com" term="Life" /><category scheme="https://www.vox.com" term="Politics" /><category scheme="https://www.vox.com" term="The Highlight" />
							<summary type="html"><![CDATA[Part of&#160;Hindsight 2070: We asked 15 experts, &#8220;What do we do now that will be considered unthinkable in 50 years?&#8221; Here&#8217;s what they told us. Lux Alptraum is the author of&#160;Faking It: The Lies Women Tell About Sex &#8212; And the Truths They Reveal. In spring 2016, the human rights advocacy organization Amnesty International took [&#8230;]]]></summary>
			
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<p>Part of&nbsp;<strong>Hindsight 2070: We asked 15 experts, &ldquo;What do we do now that will be considered unthinkable in 50 years?&rdquo; Here&rsquo;s what they told us.</strong><br></p>
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<p><em>Lux Alptraum is the author of&nbsp;</em><a href="https://go.redirectingat.com/?id=66960X1516588&amp;xs=1&amp;url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.amazon.com%2FFaking-Women-Sex-Truths-Reveal%2Fdp%2F1580057659">Faking It: The Lies Women Tell About Sex &mdash; And the Truths They Reveal</a>.</p>

<p>In spring 2016, the human rights advocacy organization Amnesty International took a bold step: It <a href="https://www.amnestyusa.org/press-releases/amnesty-international-publishes-policy-and-research-on-protection-of-sex-workers-rights/">officially endorsed</a> sex work decriminalization as the most effective and humane political response to sex work. The decision was controversial &mdash; the summer before the policy paper&rsquo;s release, a number of prominent feminist activists, including Gloria Steinem, signed <a href="http://catwinternational.org/Content/Images/Article/617/attachment.pdf">an open letter</a> warning the organization that if it supported decriminalization, its reputation would be &ldquo;severely and irreparably tarnished.&rdquo;</p>

<p>Yet there is good reason to believe that decades from now, we&rsquo;ll see this time period as the beginning of the end of a long chapter of oppression, abuse, and the vilification of a highly misunderstood profession.</p>

<p>In many circles, sex work is seen as a social ill. For moralizers, the exchange of sex for money poses a threat to &ldquo;family values&rdquo; that emphasize the importance of sex within marriage and promote modesty among women. For some feminists, sex work amplifies the oppression of women, both by presenting female bodies and sexuality as commodities available for sale and through the exploitation of women sex workers, who are presumed to despise their jobs and only do them under duress.</p>

<p>But for many sex workers &mdash; in particular, the transgender, nonwhite, and other marginalized sex workers who often find themselves shut out of other employment opportunities &mdash; sex work is simply a job, and one that pays well enough to cover their bills while offering a flexible enough structure to accommodate caregiving duties, chronic illness, and other issues that might pose a problem at a typical 9-to-5 office job.</p>

<p>The decriminalization of sex work is not an endorsement of sex trafficking or any exploitation or abuse that sex workers experience on the job. To the contrary, decriminalization merely gives adults the freedom to choose this line of work, and makes it vastly easier for those who are victims of trafficking, or experiencing abuse within the workplace, to seek assistance without fear of being thrown into jail.</p>

<p>&ldquo;Decriminalizing sex work [makes] people who are selling sex, right now and tomorrow, safer while they are doing what they need to do in order to survive,&rdquo; write sex workers and activists Molly Smith and Juno Mac in their book <em>Revolting Prostitutes.</em></p>

<p>In New Zealand, where sex work is decriminalized, one of the major impacts has been an improved relationship between sex workers and the police. When sex work itself is no longer a crime, sex workers experience reduced harassment from law enforcement; equally importantly, they&rsquo;re more willing to go to the police when they are the victims of crimes like rape and robbery.</p>

<p>Sex work decriminalization remains a fringe stance within American politics. Only a handful of politicians &mdash; including <a href="https://www.nydailynews.com/opinion/ny-oped-decriminalize-sex-work-in-ny-20190221-story.html">New York state Sen. Julia Salazar</a> and <a href="https://www.huffingtonpost.com/alison-bass/ready-to-decriminalize-sex-work_b_8929730.html">New Hampshire state Rep. Elizabeth Edwards</a> &mdash; have officially endorsed the policy. And anti-sex work policies like Stop Enabling Sex Traffickers Act still receive broad, bipartisan support in Congress.</p>

<p>Yet announcements like Amnesty International&rsquo;s &mdash; which is one of several major human rights advocacy organizations to endorse decriminalization &mdash; along with a news media that&rsquo;s increasingly friendly to sex workers&rsquo; rights suggest that it won&rsquo;t be long before discussions of sex work decriminalization move into the mainstream.</p>

<p>When they do, we&rsquo;ll be forced to reckon with how much harm the legacy of sex work criminalization has done to women, trans people, people of color, and other marginalized groups &mdash; the very people whom anti-sex work activists claim to want to protect.</p>
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			<title type="html"><![CDATA[Porn actress August Ames’s death was a lost chance to talk about sex workers and mental health]]></title>
			<link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="https://www.vox.com/identities/2019/1/29/18200642/august-ames-death-last-days-mental-health-sex-workers" />
			<id>https://www.vox.com/identities/2019/1/29/18200642/august-ames-death-last-days-mental-health-sex-workers</id>
			<updated>2024-03-19T18:14:00-04:00</updated>
			<published>2019-01-29T10:30:00-05:00</published>
			<category scheme="https://www.vox.com" term="Culture" />
							<summary type="html"><![CDATA[The popular porn actress August Ames died by suicide a little over a year ago. She&#8217;d been a target of online attacks after suggesting that male performers who work in the gay industry are at an increased risk of getting HIV. Her death shocked the porn and larger sex work industry and sparked a conversation [&#8230;]]]></summary>
			
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<img alt="" data-caption="Porn actress August Ames and porn producer Kevin Moore attend the 2016 Adult Video News Awards in January 2016 in Las Vegas. | Ethan Miller/Getty Images" data-portal-copyright="Ethan Miller/Getty Images" data-has-syndication-rights="1" src="https://platform.vox.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/chorus/uploads/chorus_asset/file/13721839/GettyImages_506579792.jpg?quality=90&#038;strip=all&#038;crop=0,0,100,100" />
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	Porn actress August Ames and porn producer Kevin Moore attend the 2016 Adult Video News Awards in January 2016 in Las Vegas. | Ethan Miller/Getty Images	</figcaption>
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<p>The popular porn actress August Ames died by suicide a little over a year ago. She&rsquo;d been a target of online attacks after suggesting that male performers who work in the gay industry are at an increased risk of getting HIV. Her death shocked the porn and larger sex work industry and sparked a conversation about mental health and cyberbullying.</p>

<p>Now Ames&rsquo;s death is the subject of a podcast series released earlier this month by journalist Jon Ronson, who&rsquo;d previously profiled the porn industry in his limited-series podcast <em>The Butterfly Effect. </em>This new series, <em>The Last Day of August, </em>unpacks Ames&rsquo;s story, including the narrative that cyberbullying is what triggered her suicide.&nbsp;Instead, Ronson suggests, her story was far more complex, &ldquo;something mysterious and unexpected and terrible.&rdquo;</p>

<p>Ames was vocal about her battles with mental health and the stigma she faced trying to seek care as a sex worker. &ldquo;I would get in contact with [therapists] and then I would feel badly because they&rsquo;d be like, &lsquo;What&rsquo;s your profession,&rsquo; and I&rsquo;d be like, &lsquo;Oh, I&rsquo;m in the adult industry,&rsquo; and then I&rsquo;d feel like they&rsquo;re like, &lsquo;Oh, that&rsquo;s the whole reason that you are the way you are,&rsquo; and then I&rsquo;d get turned off,&rdquo; she said in a <a href="https://www.ibtimes.co.in/august-ames-suicide-note-found-did-jaxton-wheeler-really-lead-her-death-752510">podcast interview from 2017</a>.</p>

<p>And she was not a unique outlier. Ames was <a href="https://www.news.com.au/lifestyle/real-life/news-life/porn-industry-reeling-after-five-deaths-in-only-three-months/news-story/e779587b387f0ad2b3ae71ec45f0c631">one of five porn performers to die by suicide or drug overdose in just three months</a> in the winter of 2017-&rsquo;18. She has become the very public face of a crisis within the porn industry that&rsquo;s often overlooked and rarely taken seriously. But the podcast, which spends six episodes exploring the specific details of Ames&rsquo;s death, misses the opportunity to examine the larger story of suicide in the porn industry &mdash; and the steps the community is taking to ensure that porn performers and other sex workers are getting access to the mental health care they need.</p>

<p>Sex work and mental health can be thorny topics to navigate. Research has repeatedly shown a higher incidence of depression and other mental illness among sex workers when compared to other populations. A <a href="https://ps.psychiatryonline.org/doi/abs/10.1176/ps.62.6.pss6206_0639">2011 study</a> that compared the mental health of female porn performers with that of other young women in California found that porn performers were significantly more likely to meet the criteria for depression than their peers who were not involved in sex work; a <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/j.1600-0447.2009.01533.x">2010 study</a> of sex workers in Zurich found that &ldquo;sex workers displayed high rates of mental disorders.&rdquo;</p>

<p>To those outside the industry, these elevated rates of mental illness are presumed to signify an inherent problem with the sex industry. Porn performers and other sex workers come to the work with significant issues, the theory goes, because only &ldquo;broken dolls&rdquo; would even consider pursuing sex as a career. Furthermore, the industry itself is assumed to be so exploitative and abusive that anyone involved is just setting themselves up for trauma and PTSD. &ldquo;Sex work is a major public health problem,&rdquo; explains<a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/j.1600-0447.2009.01533.x"> a study from Acta Psychiatrica Scandinavica</a>, concluding that the &ldquo;ill mental health of sex workers is primarily related to different forms of violence.&rdquo;</p>

<p>Yet the sex workers I&rsquo;ve spoken with challenge that read as overly simplistic. Yes, <a href="https://ps.psychiatryonline.org/doi/full/10.1176/ps.62.6.pss6206_0639">researchers may be finding elevated rates of mental illness within these industries</a>, but part of that stems from the fact that the high pay and flexible hours of porn and sex work make these jobs appealing to people whose mental health issues make committing to a 9-to-5 office job difficult.</p>

<p>&ldquo;I started out with doing online sex work as a camgirl in 2016,&rdquo; says Jane, who requested to be identified by first name only and notes that between her depression and her schoolwork, she didn&rsquo;t have the energy for most of the jobs that were available to her. &ldquo;With sex work, I was able to spend my energy much more carefully,&rdquo; setting a schedule that allowed to her to take time off on days when she felt overwhelmed, a luxury she wouldn&rsquo;t have had in most jobs.</p>

<p>Another woman, who&rsquo;s worked as a porn performer, stripper, and full-service sex worker in addition to more mainstream work in the health care industry, told me that &ldquo;since returning solely to sex work, I am able to pay attention to what my body and my brain needs, in terms of sleep and kindness, and then give that to myself&rdquo; &mdash; an essential tool for managing mental illness.</p>

<p>While working in the industry can exacerbate mental health issues, the many conversations I&rsquo;ve had with sex workers suggest that it&rsquo;s less because sex work itself is inherently traumatic, and more because the stigma of being a sex worker isolates people and prevents them from finding competent mental health care. &ldquo;I&rsquo;ve heard some horrendous stories about therapists refusing to treat sex workers,&rdquo; says Leya Tanit, the founder of <a href="https://pineapplesupport.com">Pineapple Support</a>, an organization that helps connect sex workers to mental health care services.</p>

<p>According to Tanit, many sex workers who seek out mental health care find that disclosing their line of work often provokes unwanted and unsolicited opinions &mdash; &ldquo;[Your mental illness is] because you&rsquo;re in the industry, you shouldn&rsquo;t be doing this, it&rsquo;s contributing to your illness,&rdquo; Tanit sums up. Yet staying mum about work can compromise their care in other ways: If you can&rsquo;t tell your therapist about the struggles you&rsquo;re dealing with on the job, or how sex work stigma exacerbates your stress, your therapy might feel somewhat superficial.</p>

<p>Tanit hopes that Pineapple Support can help bridge the gap between sex workers and mental health care. The organization, which launched in April, offers porn performers access to a database of vetted, sex worker&ndash;friendly therapists; for those in immediate crisis, there&rsquo;s a 24/7 online emotional support service staffed by volunteers who&rsquo;ve been trained to address the needs of members in the porn industry. At this week&rsquo;s Adult Entertainment Expo, Pineapple Support will run a booth staffed by therapists, offering trade show attendees the opportunity to engage in some drop-in therapy sessions.</p>

<p>The screening and training that Pineapple Support provides its clients is a much-needed resource, as the majority of therapists either aren&rsquo;t aware of the particular issues faced by sex workers or come to these sessions with inaccurate, stereotypical ideas about sex workers. &ldquo;Amidst a nationwide campaign about human trafficking, many therapists grow concerned that a patient involved in sex work has been subjected to human trafficking,&rdquo; therapist Dr. David Ley writes in <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/women-who-stray/201712/sex-work-and-therapy">an essay on therapy and sex work</a>, noting that this assumption can alienate sex-working clients and damage their relationship with their therapist. When reached for comment for this piece, a representative of the American Psychological Association noted that &ldquo;we do not have any written guidance for treatment of sex workers or porn performers.&rdquo;</p>

<p>Pineapple Support isn&rsquo;t the only project hoping to help porn performers in crisis. This month, porn performer and producer Trenton Ducati will launch a collaboration with the <a href="https://www.desertaidsproject.org">Desert AIDS Project</a> (DAP) &mdash; one he hopes will help connect performers to therapy, suicide prevention services, and substance abuse counseling, as well as HIV pre- and post-exposure prophylaxis (also known as PEP and PrEP).</p>

<p>Like Pineapple Support, Ducati&rsquo;s program connects porn performers to sex worker&ndash;friendly mental health care services; the primary difference is that rather than waiting for performers to reach out for help, Ducati will encourage producers to broach the topic first with the help of a questionnaire designed by DAP. &ldquo;The producer is a very important point of contact,&rdquo; he tells me. &ldquo;We can really check in with the models&rdquo; &mdash; and, if they need help, connect them to resources that&rsquo;ll keep them healthy.</p>

<p>Getting quality mental health care is never a simple endeavor, and dismantling the barriers to access faced by porn performers and other sex workers will be a long-term project. But if we want to build a world where sex workers are getting support when they need it the most, we have to spend more time dismantling the stigmas associated with mental illness and sex work &mdash; and less time analyzing the grisly details of individual sex workers&rsquo; deaths.</p>

<p><em>Lux Alptraum is a writer whose work has been featured in the New York Times, Men&rsquo;s Health, Cosmopolitan, Hustler, and more. Her first book,&nbsp;</em><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Faking-Women-Sex-Truths-Reveal/dp/1580057659">Faking It: The Lies Women Tell About Sex &mdash; And the Truths They Reveal</a>, <em>is out.</em></p>
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<p><a href="http://www.vox.com/first-person"><strong>First Person</strong></a> is Vox&rsquo;s home for compelling, provocative narrative essays. Do you have a story to share? Read our <a href="http://www.vox.com/2015/6/12/8767221/vox-first-person-explained"><strong>submission guidelines</strong></a>, and pitch us at <a href="mailto:firstperson@vox.com"><strong>firstperson@vox.com</strong></a>.</p>
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			<title type="html"><![CDATA[Young people are having less sex. Who cares?]]></title>
			<link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="https://www.vox.com/first-person/2018/12/13/18137906/sex-recession-atlantic" />
			<id>https://www.vox.com/first-person/2018/12/13/18137906/sex-recession-atlantic</id>
			<updated>2018-12-13T12:52:44-05:00</updated>
			<published>2018-12-13T12:30:06-05:00</published>
			<category scheme="https://www.vox.com" term="Culture" />
							<summary type="html"><![CDATA[&#8220;These should be boom times for sex,&#8221; Kate Julian muses in the opener to the cover story for the Atlantic&#8217;s December 2018 issue. And yet she notes, with a nod to data from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, General Social Survey, and Match.com, as well as other sources, the reverse seems to be [&#8230;]]]></summary>
			
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<p>&ldquo;These should be boom times for sex,&rdquo; Kate Julian muses in the opener to <a href="https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2018/12/the-sex-recession/573949/">the cover story for the Atlantic&rsquo;s December 2018 issue</a>. And yet she notes, with a nod to data from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, General Social Survey, and Match.com, as well as other sources, the reverse seems to be true. People &mdash; and particularly young people &mdash; are having less sex than in previous generations.</p>

<p>It&rsquo;s a state of affairs that Julian likens to a &ldquo;sex recession,&rdquo; one she sees as having potentially dire consequences. &ldquo;A fulfilling sex life is not necessary for a good life, of course, but lots of research confirms that it contributes to one,&rdquo; she argues after running through the many reasons, both positive and negative, why sex might be on the decline. &ldquo;Having sex is associated not only with happiness, but with a slew of other health benefits&rdquo; &mdash; and if sex is on the decline, our health and happiness could be too, she suggests.</p>

<p>The &ldquo;sex recession&rdquo; quickly became part of the popular discourse, with <a href="https://www.today.com/video/sex-recession-why-young-adults-are-having-fewer-intimate-relationships-1370346563631">Julian appearing on the <em>Today</em> show to discuss her findings</a>, and publications around the globe penning a wide variety of responses to the assertion that young people are more anxious, more detached, and far less likely to fall into bed with one another. Atlantic<em> </em>contributor Caitlin Flanagan summed up the general reaction to the article with <a href="https://twitter.com/CaitlinPacific/status/1062387183779102720">a pithy tweet</a> declaring, &ldquo;As I suspected. They&rsquo;re doing it wrong.&rdquo;</p>

<p>On paper, the world that Julian describes &mdash; one where people in their early 20s are two and a half times more likely to be abstinent than Gen X-ers were at that age, and where a full 15 percent haven&rsquo;t had any sex at all by the time they reach adulthood &mdash; does sound like a bit of a drab, sexless wasteland.</p>

<p>But as I &mdash; a young woman seemingly the right age to be affected by this recession &mdash; read through the essay, I found myself wondering what exactly this &ldquo;recession&rdquo; had to do with me.</p>
<h2 class="wp-block-heading">We are bombarded with messaging that we are doing sex wrong and it’s making us unhappy</h2>
<p>As mediocre as American sex education continues to be, there&rsquo;s one message about sex we are all imbued with from a very early age: Sex is incredibly important. More than that, it&rsquo;s especially important to do &ldquo;correctly.&rdquo;</p>

<p>Whether we&rsquo;re reading trend stories like Julian&rsquo;s or breathy tips that fill the pages of lad and lady mags, letters penned by advice columnists, or sexual self-help manuals, the message we get is that with the &ldquo;right&rdquo; sexual experiences, we&rsquo;ll be set up for a healthy, happy, and better life &mdash; and without it, we&rsquo;ll be doomed to a depressing and meaningless existence, a point driven home by articles like this from WebMD that insist <a href="https://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/features/sex-and-happiness">sex is the key to unlocking happiness</a>.</p>

<p>Yet for all the importance we place on sex, we&rsquo;re rather reticent to be honest with one another about what our own experiences are. As individuals, we&rsquo;re certainly aware of what goes on in our bedrooms, but we&rsquo;re left wondering about those of our friends, colleagues, and crushes &mdash; people who, we inevitably assume, are almost definitely doing it more or who&rsquo;ve figured out the secret to being 100 percent satisfied with their sex life, a secret that still manages to elude us. Studies have shown <a href="http://theconversation.com/other-people-are-having-way-way-less-sex-than-you-think-they-are-101153">we routinely overestimate how much sex other people are having</a>; we likely overestimate how much fun they&rsquo;re having doing it, too.</p>

<p>And this is why Americans are so drawn to pieces like Julian&rsquo;s examination of the &ldquo;sex recession,&rdquo; which promises to untangle some of our confusion with the help of exhaustive research, data, and scientific analysis. Although much of the piece is focused on determining why sex today looks the way it does, there&rsquo;s an underlying promise that this analysis might be used to help us get back on the right track.</p>

<p>&ldquo;In time, maybe, we will rethink some things,&rdquo; Julian muses, going on to offer a list of social factors that are potentially contributing to young people having less sex, ranging from bad sex education to an overdependence on technology and, of course, overprotective parents.</p>

<p>It&rsquo;s a proposition that, while tempting, is ultimately damaging. The truth is, however much information we may collect about broad patterns of American, or even global, sexual behavior, the only expert who can offer an accurate assessment of whether we, personally, are doing sex &ldquo;right&rdquo; is us.</p>

<p>Throughout the article, Julian nods to the past, a time during which, she seems to suggest, sex and dating were better. &ldquo;I mentioned to several of the people I interviewed for this piece that I&rsquo;d met my husband in an elevator, in 2001. &hellip; I was fascinated by the extent to which this prompted other women to sigh and say that they&rsquo;d just love to meet someone that way,&rdquo; she writes, as if to suggest that, however happy we might think ourselves, we have no sense of how good things used to be. &ldquo;Sex seems more fraught now,&rdquo; Julian concludes.</p>

<p>She does acknowledge potentially positive explanations for the downturn in sex. But she quickly pivots them toward a more negative narrative. Masturbation is on the rise, yet Julian paints it as a nasty side effect of online pornography, ignoring young women for whom masturbation might offer a welcome alternative to an act historically associated with ignoring female pleasure.</p>

<p>When sex researcher Debby Herbenick offers that the downturn in sex might be the result of women becoming empowered to say no to unwanted sex, Julian transitions into talking about how porn has presumably made sex scarier and more necessary to refuse &mdash; as though women were more enthusiastic about the sex on offer in a pre-internet period (an assertion feminists like Andrea Dworkin, who declared in her 1987 book <em>Intercourse</em> that &ldquo;violation is a synonym for intercourse,&rdquo; could easily put the lie to).</p>

<p>The most likely culprit for the so-called &ldquo;sex recession&rdquo; &mdash; the fact that people are getting married and cohabiting at older ages than in the past &mdash; has some obvious positives, including giving people (and, in particular, straight women) more time to focus on their careers and decreasing the frequency of divorce. But Julian chooses to end the article by casting the millennial generation as lonely rather than focusing on the upside of this trend.</p>
<h2 class="wp-block-heading">There is no “right” way to have sex</h2>
<p>The Atlantic is not alone in promoting this narrative about sex and dating, of suggesting that the key to unlocking our sexual happiness (or at least better identifying our sexual failures) lies in other people&rsquo;s experiences, desires, and ideas of health and happiness rather than our own.</p>

<p>While writing my book, <a href="https://www.sealpress.com/titles/lux-alptraum/faking-it/9781580057653/"><em>Faking It: The Lies Women Tell About Sex &mdash; And the Truths They Reveal</em></a>, I encountered numerous examples of sex research used not to enlighten us about the broad and beautiful diversity of human sexual experience, but instead to codify a limited idea of &ldquo;normal,&rdquo; one that few of us, if any, can actually live up to.</p>

<p>Whether that&rsquo;s sex therapist Ian Kerner insisting that in the ideal heterosexual experience, &ldquo;she comes first,&rdquo; or whether that&rsquo;s research that purports to determine the number of sexual partners that&rsquo;ll maximize our happiness, the idea that there is a universal way to do sex &ldquo;right&rdquo; primarily serves to instill a permanent sense of anxiety among us all &mdash; especially among women, whose sex lives are most often the objects of discussion (and policing).</p>

<p>However happy you may feel about what you&rsquo;re getting up to, there is always some &ldquo;expert&rdquo; ready to sow the seeds of doubt. They insist that, however fulfilled we may feel, we could be so much happier if only we tried this position or popped this pill or had more sex or tamped down the promiscuity or just, some way, ceased to be ourselves.</p>

<p>Yet external experts will never be able to offer the path to pleasure that we can achieve by just sitting down, getting to know our own bodies, and having a nonjudgmental, honest conversation with ourselves or our partners about our needs, desires, and vision of a satisfying sex life. And yes, maybe that means less sex for some &mdash; but that&rsquo;s not necessarily a bad thing.</p>

<p>Because whatever the data says about broad trends and patterns &mdash; about who is having more sex than whom, about how many orgasms are being had when and where, about what sexual activity is the most popular of all &mdash; the only reliable source of answers we have for what our sex life &ldquo;should&rdquo; look like is our own libido, desire, and fantasies, and the honest conversations we have with our partners about what feels good for all of us.</p>

<p>A sex &ldquo;recession&rdquo; does not matter if your own sex life feels rich and fulfilling. And that fulfillment isn&rsquo;t something you can measure by comparing yourself to historical statistics or information about what your friends and neighbors are or aren&rsquo;t doing in their bedrooms. It&rsquo;s something you have to figure out for yourself, by yourself &mdash; which may explain why so many of us are so scared to do it.</p>

<p><em>Lux Alptraum is the author of </em>Faking It: The Lies Women Tell About Sex &mdash; And the Truths They Reveal.<em> Find her on Twitter </em><a href="https://twitter.com/luxalptraum?lang=en"><em>@LuxAlptraum</em></a><em>.&nbsp;</em></p>
<hr class="wp-block-separator" />
<p><a href="http://www.vox.com/first-person"><strong>First Person</strong></a> is Vox&rsquo;s home for compelling, provocative narrative essays. Do you have a story to share? Read our <a href="http://www.vox.com/2015/6/12/8767221/vox-first-person-explained"><strong>submission guidelines</strong></a>, and pitch us at <a href="mailto:firstperson@vox.com"><strong>firstperson@vox.com</strong></a>.</p>
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			<title type="html"><![CDATA[Walmart now carries sex toys]]></title>
			<link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="https://www.vox.com/the-goods/2018/10/25/18015246/sex-toys-walmart-plusone-vibrators" />
			<id>https://www.vox.com/the-goods/2018/10/25/18015246/sex-toys-walmart-plusone-vibrators</id>
			<updated>2018-10-26T16:18:26-04:00</updated>
			<published>2018-10-25T07:00:02-04:00</published>
			<category scheme="https://www.vox.com" term="Money" />
							<summary type="html"><![CDATA[In 1998, the cast of Sex and the City went vibrator shopping. The scene &#8212; shot at New York City&#8217;s Pleasure Chest &#8212; gave viewers a window into the experience of visiting one of New York&#8217;s women-friendly sex shops, a nice, brightly lit alternative to the scuzzy porn shops where many vibrators were sold. Yet [&#8230;]]]></summary>
			
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	A family at checkout inside a Walmart in Miami. | Jeffrey Greenberg/UIG via Getty Images	</figcaption>
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<p>In 1998, the cast of <em>Sex and the City</em> went vibrator shopping. The scene &mdash; shot at New York City&rsquo;s Pleasure Chest &mdash; gave viewers a window into the experience of visiting one of New York&rsquo;s women-friendly sex shops, a nice, brightly lit alternative to the scuzzy porn shops where many vibrators were sold.</p>

<p>Yet upscale as it was, the excursion clearly took place in a sex shop. In the background of the opening shot are stacks of boxes decorated with scantily clad porn actors&rsquo; bodies; another wall of the store is covered in floggers and bondage gear. For many real-life Charlottes, that kind of shopping trip still seemed a bit threatening; something destined to remain fantasy rather than become a part of real life.</p>

<p>Twenty years later, anxious women eager to acquire their first sex toy don&rsquo;t have to venture to a porn shop, or even a brightly lit feminist sex toy boutique in a fashionable area of town. For the past decade, sex toys have been popping up in more and more venues. The endless shelf space and discretion provided by online shopping made big retail brands like Amazon and Walmart more comfortable stocking adult products on their sites, and over the past decade, cheap, battery-operated cock rings have started popping up in drugstore condom aisles.</p>

<p>And in a major development, we&rsquo;ve reached a point where mainstream retailers feel completely comfortable stocking quality vibrators, not just in their digital warehouses but on the shelves of their brick-and-mortar stores. Just this month, <a href="https://myplusone.com/">PlusOne, a new line of premium sex toys,</a> debuted at Walmart stores around the country, marking the first time that the retailer has carried high quality, rechargeable vibrators on the shelves of its brick-and-mortar stores. (Walmart did not respond to requests to comment for this article.)</p>
<img src="https://platform.vox.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/chorus/uploads/chorus_asset/file/13321749/6703_Open_Box.jpg?quality=90&#038;strip=all&#038;crop=0,0,100,100" alt="" title="" data-has-syndication-rights="1" data-caption="A PlusOne personal massager. | PlusOne" data-portal-copyright="PlusOne" />
<p>How did sex toys get from the Pleasure Chest to the shelves of Walmart, a store so conservative it <a href="https://www.usatoday.com/story/life/2018/03/27/walmart-remove-cosmopolitan-magazine-checkout-lines-amid-me-too-movement/462328002/">banned Cosmopolitan from its checkout aisles</a> for being too risqu&eacute;? That <em>Sex and the City</em> trip certainly helped push sex toys out of the shadows and into the mainstream, kicking off a run of media appearances for pleasure products, with not just <em>50 Shades of Grey</em> but also shows like <em>Girls</em>, <em>Transparent</em>, and <em>Sense8</em> all featuring sex toys within their storylines. <em>Broad City</em>, in some ways a quirky, millennial successor to <em>Sex and the City</em>, even has <a href="https://www.lovehoney.com/brands/broad-city/">its very own line of sex toys</a>.</p>

<p>Feminist activism, improved sex education, and the liberalizing effect that internet has had on discourse have also helped &mdash; it&rsquo;s all a part of what Carol Queen, a staff sexologist at the sex toy boutique <a href="https://www.goodvibes.com/s/">Good Vibrations</a>, refers to as &ldquo;an increasingly sex-comfortable environment that let sexual diversity, pleasure, and toys take their place in the discourse.&rdquo;</p>

<p>And as the culture has warmed to sex toys, mainstream stores have responded to that demand. Initially, online retailers and drugstores were the major entry points for sex toys. <a href="https://www.ft.com/content/fb475884-18af-11da-8fe9-00000e2511c8">Amazon began stocking erotic products in 2005</a>; that same year, Scotland&rsquo;s Superdrug began carrying the Durex Play vibrating ring (or, to be more straightforward, cock ring). Sainsbury, Tesco, Duane Reade, and Walgreens soon followed Superdrug&rsquo;s lead, while online, major retailers like Target.com and, yes, Walmart.com got a little more open-minded in order to compete with Amazon.</p>

<p>Online retailers and brick-and-mortar stores displayed wildly different attitudes toward what sorts of products their clientele might be comfortable with. Online, pretty much anything was allowed: Many major retailers opened their platforms to third-party distributors, allowing a wide variety of risqu&eacute; products to be sold under a mainstream brand name &mdash; Walmart&rsquo;s website currently stocks a <a href="https://www.walmart.com/ip/Kink-Jacked-Up-Extender-with-Ball-Strap-6-Inch-Sheer-Thin/860350394">penis extender</a>, a <a href="https://www.walmart.com/ip/SI-9In-Thick-Cock-w-Balls-Suction-Flesh/217968947">hyperrealistic dildo</a> (complete with balls) capable of suctioning to whatever surface you wish, and a <a href="https://www.walmart.com/ip/Good-Boy-Wireless-Vibe-Remote-Puppy-Dog/942247968">vibrating butt plug designed to look like a puppy tail</a>, all products that will, presumably, never see the inside of a Walmart brick-and-mortar store.</p>

<p>In brick-and-mortar stores, where staff feared alienating customers who didn&rsquo;t want to be surprised by a dildo while doing their shopping, things were much more chaste. Trojan and Durex have long been the favored sex toy brands of mainstream retailers, with the sexual health connection lending the products an air of respectability. And the products themselves tended not to get too creative. Vibrating cock rings were often the first item to appear on store shelves.</p>

<p>&ldquo;One of the reasons that was socially acceptable, I think, was that it was still a device worn by a man to pleasure a woman,&rdquo; says Hallie Lieberman, author of <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Buzz-Stimulating-History-Sex-Toy/dp/1681775433"><em>Buzz: The Stimulating History of the Sex Toy</em></a>, explaining that a device that could be packaged as a &ldquo;couples toy&rdquo; was far less scandalous than something explicitly sold for masturbation.</p>
<img src="https://platform.vox.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/chorus/uploads/chorus_asset/file/13321771/6701_Box_Open.jpg?quality=90&#038;strip=all&#038;crop=0,0,100,100" alt="" title="" data-has-syndication-rights="1" data-caption="A PlusOne vibrating ring. | PlusOne" data-portal-copyright="PlusOne" />
<p>PlusOne offers customers an entirely different option. A dedicated pleasure brand, it makes no bones about the purpose of its products &mdash; yet its design is far classier than, say, that suction cup dildo on Walmart&rsquo;s website. And with waterproof silicone exteriors and rechargeable batteries, it&rsquo;s a step up in quality from the Trojan products currently stocked in store, all while been sold at a significantly lower price point than either the Trojan products or the more luxe offerings available at a store like Babeland. <a href="https://www.walmart.com/ip/plusOne-Vibrating-Bullet/782525983">PlusOne&rsquo;s rechargeable bullet offering</a> retails for less than $10; in contrast, a battery-powered <a href="https://www.walgreens.com/store/c/trojan-vibrating-bullet/ID=prod6345396-product">Trojan bullet vibrator</a> for a little over $30, and the <a href="https://www.babeland.com/sex-toys/p/BL27872/new-york-toy-collective-/nytc-rechargeable-bullet-vibrator?lref=Srch%7Crechargeable%2Bbullet%7Ca%7C1%7Cc%7C0%7C-relevance%7Csearch_page%7C0">NYTC rechargeable bullet vibe</a> is available at Babeland for just shy of $25.</p>

<p>PlusOne&rsquo;s origin story is, in some ways, the natural endpoint of our increasing comfort with erotic products. The brand is a subsidiary of <a href="https://cliocorporate.com/">Clio</a>, a Massachusetts-based personal care company known for devices like the <a href="https://cliostyle.com/product/beautytrim-3901/">beautytrim</a> hair trimmer and <a href="https://cliostyle.com/product/palmperfect-3801/">Palmperfect</a> electric shaver.</p>

<p>About eight months ago, the powers that be at Walmart reached out to the Clio staff to let them know they were interested in investing in a high-quality, low-cost sex toy line that could comfortably fit in on the shelves of Walmart, one that would give them a competitive edge over retailers like Amazon. Clio worked hand in hand with Walmart&rsquo;s higher-ups to develop a line that would feel sexier and more female-friendly than some of Trojan toys, while still being entry-level products that wouldn&rsquo;t offend anyone&rsquo;s sensibilities &mdash; and from there, PlusOne was born.</p>

<p>Jamie Leventhal, president and CEO of Clio, envisions a future where Walmart shoppers can stop by the store to do their grocery shopping, grab a PlusOne vibe off the shelf, and go through discreet self-checkout, getting access to quality pleasure products without ever stepping out of your comfort zone. It&rsquo;s a wildly different mode of buying sex toys than the trip that the <em>Sex and the City </em>girls took 20 years ago &mdash; and it&rsquo;s a future that could bring sexual pleasure to a much broader audience than ever envisioned before.</p>

<p>&ldquo;It&rsquo;s amazing how quickly the consumers are saying yes&rdquo; to PlusOne, Leventhal says, noting that in just a few weeks, the brand&rsquo;s sales have approached what many of their competitors might sell in a year. It&rsquo;s taken decades to get to the point where a vibrator at Walmart is met with excitement rather than outrage. But now that we&rsquo;ve gotten there, big-box stores are excited to cash in.</p>

<p><em>Want more stories from The Goods by Vox? </em><a href="http://vox.com/goods-newsletter"><em>Sign up for our newsletter here.</em></a><em>&nbsp;</em></p>
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			<title type="html"><![CDATA[Kanye West and the damaging way we talk about celebrities and mental health]]></title>
			<link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="https://www.vox.com/first-person/2018/7/16/17536616/kanye-west-donald-trump-white-house-mental-illness-celebrities" />
			<id>https://www.vox.com/first-person/2018/7/16/17536616/kanye-west-donald-trump-white-house-mental-illness-celebrities</id>
			<updated>2018-10-11T16:57:59-04:00</updated>
			<published>2018-10-11T15:14:07-04:00</published>
			<category scheme="https://www.vox.com" term="Celebrity Culture" /><category scheme="https://www.vox.com" term="Culture" /><category scheme="https://www.vox.com" term="Science" />
							<summary type="html"><![CDATA[The conversation surrounding Kanye West&#8217;s mental health during his visit to the White House raises issues of how the public scrutinizes celebrities with mental illnesses. The following essay was first published earlier in 2018. A Twitter user known as @cakefacedcutie tweeted out a photo in late June of Saturday Night Life star Pete Davidson arm [&#8230;]]]></summary>
			
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<p><em>The </em><a href="https://theintercept.com/2018/10/11/mental-health-professionals-denounce-cnn-and-don-lemons-show-for-mocking-and-stigmatizing-kanye-wests-hospitalization/"><em>conversation</em></a><em> surrounding Kanye West&rsquo;s mental health during his </em><a href="https://www.vox.com/2018/10/11/17964558/kanye-west-donald-trump-white-house-13th-amendment"><em>visit to the White House</em></a><em> raises issues of how the public scrutinizes celebrities with mental illnesses. The following essay was first published earlier in 2018.</em></p>

<p>A Twitter user known as @cakefacedcutie tweeted out <a href="https://twitter.com/cakefacedcutie/status/1010387746156773376">a photo</a> in late June of <em>Saturday Night Life </em>star Pete Davidson arm in arm with his new girlfriend, the pop star Ariana Grande. Davidson&rsquo;s face is obscured from the camera by the hood of his plaid jacket; Grande, licking a lollipop, gazes at him with adoration. Printed over Davidson&rsquo;s face are the words &ldquo;Men that need therapists&rdquo;; Grande is annotated with the word &ldquo;Me.&rdquo;</p>

<p>The photo struck a nerve, rapidly racking up more than 30,000 retweets. It wasn&rsquo;t hard to see why. Davidson, who has been open about being diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, and Grande spent the month of June in the news as their relationship progressed from new romance to cohabitation and engagement. Given that Davidson is open about living with borderline personality disorder, many found it easy to interpret his whirlwind romance as the product of mental illness.</p>

<p>Davidson isn&rsquo;t the only celebrity with a mental illness who&rsquo;s been in the media spotlight of late. A few weeks before Davidson and Grande got together, the openly bipolar Kanye West drew attention for a frenzied burst of Twitter activity and some shocking political statements. And in early June, Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain, two celebrities who suffered from depression, died by suicide within a few days of each other.</p>

<p>As someone who lives with mental illness (specifically, a well-managed case of obsessive-compulsive disorder, or OCD), it&rsquo;s frustrating to watch when the behavior of celebrities grappling with their mental health is treated as fodder for the celebrity gossip mill. Few outlets show any consideration for how their coverage contributes to misunderstandings and misinformation about mental illness, let alone how it affects the lives of the people who are the subjects of the articles. &nbsp;</p>
<h2 class="wp-block-heading">The stigma of mental illness has led to bad media habits</h2>
<p>Covering mental illness will always be a fraught endeavor. Most of us are more familiar with the stereotypes about mental illness than the facts, and people who live with mental illness deal with a stigma that positions them as unfixable, untrustworthy, and totally broken. As a result, coverage of mental health is often problematic.</p>

<p>But so long as celebrities&rsquo; personal lives are considered newsworthy, it&rsquo;s a challenge we&rsquo;ll have to deal with. So how do we in the general public and in the media talk about the mental health of celebrities in a way that&rsquo;s respectful and thoughtful, and, above all, doesn&rsquo;t actively harm both celebrities and everyday people dealing with mental illness?</p>

<p>When their antics are deemed entertaining, they&rsquo;re egged on and encouraged; when they turn self-destructive, they&rsquo;re chided for not taking better care of themselves. Mental illness most frequently enters the conversation in the wake of violence or suicide, reinforcing a bleak, simplistic portrayal of what is often a complex collection of conditions.</p>

<p>Frustratingly, most of the public demonstrates only the most superficial, sensationalistic understanding of what mental illnesses even are, one that&rsquo;s frequently informed more by stereotype than by fact. (I may have OCD, but I&rsquo;m not, as many believe, obsessed with counting or cleanliness &mdash; my OCD manifests as obsessive violent thoughts and worrying about social situations.) Because so many Americans follow celebrity news closely, these depictions are crucial in shaping how we all view mental illness generally.</p>
<h2 class="wp-block-heading">We need to tread carefully when attributing people’s behavior to mental illness</h2>
<p>It&rsquo;s not hard to imagine that there must be a better way to write about these issues. But what might that look like?</p>

<p>Jenn Brandel, a social worker, thinks that a little bit of media training could go a long way. In media coverage of celebrity antics, it&rsquo;s not uncommon for terms like &ldquo;<a href="https://www.esquire.com/news-politics/politics/a21563809/inspector-general-report-james-comey-trump-foundation/">manic episode</a>&rdquo; or &ldquo;borderline&rdquo; to get thrown around as a shorthand for bad judgment and wild behavior, reinforcing negative stereotypes. Taking the time to define these terms, as they are used in a clinical context, can help chip away at this stigma.</p>

<p>Brandel also advises against presuming that every unconventional decision a person with mental illness makes is automatically connected to their diagnosis. Is Davidson&rsquo;s whirlwind romance driven by some borderline personality disorder&ndash;influenced impulsivity, or Kanye&rsquo;s Twitter meltdown an indication of a manic episode? Perhaps. But you don&rsquo;t have to have a mental illness to engage in impulsive behavior, and plenty of people living with mental illness are thoughtful, kind, and well-behaved.</p>

<p>Treating someone&rsquo;s mental illness as their primary decision-maker is reductive, and fuels the notion that people are defined by, and incapable of overcoming, their diagnosis &mdash; when it&rsquo;s just one part of a multifaceted identity.</p>

<p>Because of this, it&rsquo;s wrong to assume that someone is living with a mental illness just because you think they&rsquo;re acting oddly. Casual armchair diagnoses of &ldquo;bipolar&rdquo; or &ldquo;OCD&rdquo; may seem harmless, but they rely on stereotypes that reinforce the stigma around mental illness.</p>

<p>People with mental illnesses are not curiosities to be observed and studied.&nbsp;Giving them &mdash; especially celebrities who have a large platform &mdash; the chance to share their perspective can offer much-needed nuance to our discussions of mental health.</p>

<p>Beyond the discussion of mental health, there&rsquo;s a larger question of why we love to turn celebrities&rsquo; darkest moments into entertainment. It&rsquo;s possible that writing off these public &ldquo;meltdowns&rdquo; as the byproduct of mental illness allows us to feel superior to the people who seem to have it all, that dismissing the powerful and wealthy as &ldquo;crazy&rdquo; helps us feel more secure in our own lives.</p>

<p>But that kind of attitude comes at a cost to our empathy &mdash;&nbsp;and our understanding of mental health in general. Perhaps it would be better if we stopped treating celebrities&rsquo; personal lives like a reality show, obsessing over every detail of their potentially unhealthy antics. You don&rsquo;t have to have a mental illness to go on a Twitter rampage or make rash decisions about your romantic life, but if you do have such an illness, having those behaviors amped up by the media isn&rsquo;t going to help.</p>

<p>It&rsquo;s probably best for celebrities&rsquo; mental health if we stop treating them as an essential part of the 24-hour news cycle.&nbsp;It would also be better for the mental health of readers for whom that bit of celebrity gossip hits a little too close to home.</p>

<p><em>Lux Alptraum is a writer whose work has been featured in the New York Times, Men&rsquo;s Health, Cosmopolitan, Hustler, and more. Her first book,&nbsp;</em>Faking It: The Lies Women Tell About Sex &mdash; And The Truths They Reveal<em>, comes out this November.</em></p>
<hr class="wp-block-separator" />
<p><a href="http://www.vox.com/first-person"><strong>First Person</strong></a> is Vox&rsquo;s home for compelling, provocative narrative essays. Do you have a story to share? Read our <a href="http://www.vox.com/2015/6/12/8767221/vox-first-person-explained"><strong>submission guidelines</strong></a>, and pitch us at <a href="mailto:firstperson@vox.com"><strong>firstperson@vox.com</strong></a>.</p>
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			<title type="html"><![CDATA[Will we ever pay for porn again?]]></title>
			<link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="https://www.vox.com/the-goods/2018/10/10/17943580/porn-free-pay-youporn-pornhub" />
			<id>https://www.vox.com/the-goods/2018/10/10/17943580/porn-free-pay-youporn-pornhub</id>
			<updated>2018-10-12T10:09:17-04:00</updated>
			<published>2018-10-10T09:00:02-04:00</published>
			<category scheme="https://www.vox.com" term="Money" />
							<summary type="html"><![CDATA[In the early aughts, when the internet was still new, pornography was a pretty easy way to make a comfortable living. If you were okay with sacrificing a bit of respectability and dealing with the headaches and stress of working within a stigmatized and confusingly structured industry, it wasn&#8217;t that hard to make a comfortable [&#8230;]]]></summary>
			
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<p>In the early aughts, when the internet was still new, pornography was a pretty easy way to make a comfortable living. If you were okay with sacrificing a bit of respectability and dealing with the headaches and stress of working within a stigmatized and confusingly structured industry, it wasn&rsquo;t that hard to make a comfortable living &mdash; or, in many cases, to get rich, and do so pretty quickly.</p>

<p>College kids were able to turn access to a camera and a love of porn into a thriving career, founding companies like Burning Angel and Bang Bros. You didn&rsquo;t even have to create original content to tap into the flow of cash. Even people who just bought packs of thousands of photos and set up their own curated collection of smut could make a decent salary off of XXX content. Because at the time, people loved paying money for porn.</p>

<p>But a little over a decade after the founding of free porn sites like Pornhub and Youporn, the economics of the adult industry look quite a bit different. Porn consumption may be more popular, and more normalized, than ever, but even the most avid of porn fans are often unwilling to pay for the videos they enjoy &mdash; a significant change from an earlier era when people paid a premium for porn DVDs, often shelling out two to four times the cost of a non-porn DVD for the chance to enjoy four or five scenes.</p>

<p>Although porn companies are private and revenues aren&rsquo;t publicly shared (a reality that makes it difficult to track how hard companies have been hit, financially), the past few decades have seen companies shutter, performer pay rates plummet, and major trade shows shrink in size &mdash; all indicators that suggest the money isn&rsquo;t flowing in like it used to.</p>

<p>Porn isn&rsquo;t the only media industry that&rsquo;s suffered from this precipitous drop in revenue. As the internet has transformed consumption habits and enabled easy piracy, other industries have had to adapt to a shift in consumer expectations.</p>

<p>In the early aughts, Napster rocked the music industry by making it possible for consumers to freely share and distribute MP3s with one another, a shift that depressed the market for CDs and left the industry scrambling to figure out ways to attract more consumer dollars.</p>

<p>Film and TV suffered a similar fate once internet connections became fast enough to make pirating video a breeze &mdash; and the journalism industry is still in the process of figuring out how to make money if no one&rsquo;s paying for print. (You are, notably, reading this piece for free on a website.)</p>
<figure class="wp-block-pullquote alignleft"><blockquote><p>Porn — which, as a pioneer in online commerce, was paygating its content long before the Wall Street Journal decided to — has yet to recover from the expectation that its content should be free</p></blockquote></figure>
<p>Yet even with the monetization challenges they&rsquo;ve faced, and continue to face, other industries have largely begun to rebound, pushing back against the expectation that their content be free with subscription services like Spotify and Netflix, and paygates for publications like the New York Times and Washington Post.</p>

<p>Yet porn &mdash; which, as a pioneer in online commerce, was paygating its content long before the Wall Street Journal decided to &mdash; has yet to recover from the expectation that its content should be free. Will the pendulum ever swing back in favor of paying for porn?</p>

<p>When I put out an ask for stories from people who&rsquo;d gone from regularly pirating music and movies to paying for their content through services like Spotify, Netflix, iTunes, and Google Play, I heard a few common themes. People made the switch from piracy to paid services because legally consuming content suddenly became the easier option: As crackdowns on piracy killed off popular file-sharing services, leaving increasingly sketchy and difficult to navigate services as the primary option, paid services were becoming much simpler and easier to use. Paying a small fee to get access to high-quality content was a more appealing option than sifting through the dreck to illegally download a file of dubious quantity.</p>

<p>Others noted that a sense of responsibility to artists and content creators pushed them to start paying again. Ripping off a faceless corporation might be one thing, but when your theft starts to feel like it&rsquo;s taking money out of the pockets of artists you adore, it doesn&rsquo;t feel quite as justified.</p>

<p>But while some of these arguments can also be used to encourage people to pay for their smut, there&rsquo;s a major factor that separates pornography from all other forms of media &mdash; and it&rsquo;s one that pushes the odds heavily against the possibility of paying for porn becoming de rigeur any time soon.</p>

<p>Unlike listening to Drake or watching <em>Game of Thrones</em>, porn consumption and the porn industry are still heavily stigmatized, a reality that hampers people&rsquo;s willingness to pay for XXX media. If you already feel uncomfortable with your interest in porn, actually taking out your credit card and paying for it can feel like a bridge too far.</p>
<figure class="wp-block-pullquote alignleft"><blockquote><p>If you already feel uncomfortable with your interest in porn, actually taking out your credit card and paying for it can feel like a bridge too far</p></blockquote></figure>
<p>That stigma can be a major deterrent for potential paying customers. In one conversation, a woman who&rsquo;d once considered (and then decided against) launching a porn site noted this kind of shame as a primary reason that women in particular are reluctant to pay. In her preliminary research, she found that many of the women she&rsquo;d spoken to dealt with &ldquo;extreme denial over accessing [porn],&rdquo; and were likely to keep &ldquo;porn habits a dirty little secret or something they wanted to access passively&rdquo; &mdash; a habit that&rsquo;s far easier to uphold when you&rsquo;re covertly watching porn for free.</p>

<p>Another person cited their discomfort with some of the tropes they find arousing as a reason for not paying, telling me over DM that, &ldquo;it may get me off but immediately after I&rsquo;m deeply ashamed of participating in/perpetuating sexist tropes and don&rsquo;t want to give them my money!&rdquo;</p>

<p>But stigma also has a broader impact as well: It hampers the porn industry&rsquo;s ability to fight back against piracy. Paying for music didn&rsquo;t become more appealing just because of the rise of all-you-can-eat style subscription services like Spotify and Tidal. Piracy also suffered a major hit as the music industry rallied together to get the government to shut down services like Napster, Kazaa, and Limewire, forcing would-be pirates to ever more complicated, and ever more sketchy, services on the fringes of the web.</p>

<p>In contrast, porn has never had a heavy hitting lobbying group like the Recording Industry Association of America&nbsp;to take on the fight against illegally downloaded content. While some pornographers worked hard to fight against the rise of free content, it was always a piecemeal effort, with individual creators or groups like Takedown Piracy sending out DMCA (Digital Millennium Copyright Act) notices to get illegally uploaded content taken down &mdash; a strategy akin to attempting to empty the ocean with a single bucket.</p>

<p>Instead of crushing the major players of piracy the way the music industry was able to, porn got coopted by them: Mindgeek, the parent company that owns Pornhub, Youporn, and many other popular free porn sites, now owns Brazzers, Digital Playground, and other properties that were created by its one time competitors. (Mindgeek was reached for comment but did not respond to interview questions by press time.)</p>

<p>And as power within the adult industry has consolidated in the hands of a company that built its name on free, and often pirated, porn, the very people who are most capable of &mdash; and should be most motivated to &mdash; persuade consumers to pay for their content have, instead, become more invested in promoting free porn.</p>
<figure class="wp-block-pullquote alignleft"><blockquote><p>Power within the adult industry has consolidated in the hands of a company that built its name on free, and often pirated, porn</p></blockquote></figure>
<p>Jiz Lee, a longtime performer and affiliate manager for Pink and White Productions, is something of an evangelist for affiliate programs, which, in lieu of a royalty system, are one of the best ways for performers to continue to get paid for their content long after their first check has been cashed.</p>

<p>Lee routinely educates other performers about the potential of affiliate commissions, running workshops about affiliate programs and tweeting out <a href="https://twitter.com/jizlee/status/1042821595687870464">screencaps of their own affiliate commissions</a> using the hashtag #PayForYourPorn.</p>

<p>But lately, Lee has noticed that many of their peers have found a different way to make money, preferring instead to get registered with Pornhub and receive a cut of the ad revenue any time someone views one of their scenes for free. In the short term, it&rsquo;s a strategy that makes sense &mdash; why hassle your fans to pay for porn when you can send them to a free scene and still get paid? &mdash; but in the long run, it merely reinforces the idea that porn isn&rsquo;t worth paying for, an attitude that hurts performers in the long run by depressing industry revenues and, as a result, their pay rates.</p>

<p>Lee strongly believes that with enough education, performers can be won back to the side of promoting paid porn; and that, in turn, those performers can educate their fans and impress upon them the importance of shelling out for smut.</p>

<p>And there&rsquo;s reason to believe that Lee is correct in seeing performer advocacy as one of the best ways to make porn a profitable product again. The 13 people I spoke with about the motivation for paying for porn &mdash; a mix of queer women, nonbinary people, and men who mostly leaned heterosexual &mdash; offered a number of reasons for paying for porn, including a desire for high-quality content, easy access to content tailored to a specific or niche interest, and a wish to avoid scammy sites full of malware and popup ads.</p>

<p>But the biggest reason people pay for porn? A sense of responsibility to performers and other people involved in the porn creation process as the reason for opening their wallets. &ldquo;I consider porn to be an art form. I&rsquo;ve always supported the arts,&rdquo; said one respondent; another noted that &ldquo;finding a discussion on Twitter about how nightmarish it can be to remove a stolen video from Pornhub&rdquo; pushed them toward being a paying customer.</p>

<p>If porn is going to turn back the tide against free content, it&rsquo;s likely to be because consumers see porn performers as people worth supporting &mdash; a shift that will radically change the porn industry&rsquo;s place in society as well.</p>

<p><em>Want more stories from The Goods by Vox? </em><a href="http://vox.com/goods-newsletter"><em>Sign up for our newsletter here</em></a><em>.</em></p>
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			<entry>
			
			<author>
				<name>Lux Alptraum</name>
			</author>
			
			<title type="html"><![CDATA[A push to shutter legal brothels in Nevada is based on misguided ideas about sex work]]></title>
			<link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="https://www.vox.com/the-big-idea/2018/5/29/17404736/sex-workers-nevada-fosta-sesta" />
			<id>https://www.vox.com/the-big-idea/2018/5/29/17404736/sex-workers-nevada-fosta-sesta</id>
			<updated>2018-07-13T16:21:49-04:00</updated>
			<published>2018-07-13T16:21:47-04:00</published>
			<category scheme="https://www.vox.com" term="Politics" /><category scheme="https://www.vox.com" term="The Big Idea" />
							<summary type="html"><![CDATA[&#8220;No little girl grows up wanting to be a prostitute,&#8221; declares the homepage of the No Little Girl campaign, a recently launched attempt to criminalize sex work in two of the seven Nevada counties where it&#8217;s currently legal. Next to the tagline is a photo of an angry little girl blowing a whistle; the campaign&#8217;s [&#8230;]]]></summary>
			
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<img alt="" data-caption="A billboard advertising the Love Ranch legal brothel in Crystal, Nevada, on February 19, 2016. | Guillaume Meyer/AFP/Getty Images" data-portal-copyright="Guillaume Meyer/AFP/Getty Images" data-has-syndication-rights="1" src="https://platform.vox.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/chorus/uploads/chorus_asset/file/11440789/GettyImages_511426794.jpg?quality=90&#038;strip=all&#038;crop=0,0,100,100" />
	<figcaption>
	A billboard advertising the Love Ranch legal brothel in Crystal, Nevada, on February 19, 2016. | Guillaume Meyer/AFP/Getty Images	</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>&ldquo;No little girl grows up wanting to be a prostitute,&rdquo; declares the homepage of the <a href="https://www.nolittlegirl.org/">No Little Girl</a> campaign, a recently launched attempt to criminalize sex work in two of the seven Nevada counties where it&rsquo;s currently legal.</p>

<p>Next to the tagline is a photo of an angry little girl blowing a whistle; the campaign&rsquo;s literature is filled with story after story of the kind of violence and exploitation that this young girl is presumably blowing the whistle on. &ldquo;Prostitution can&rsquo;t be made &lsquo;a little better&rsquo; any more than domestic violence can be made &lsquo;a little better,&rsquo;&rdquo; the campaign&rsquo;s FAQ argues, couching sex work itself as a fundamentally exploitative industry in which women are preyed on and trapped.</p>

<p>Yet for actual sex workers, the workplace described by No Little Girl bears little to no resemblance to the brothels they earn a living in. Rather than feeling exploited, abused, and assaulted, many workers describe the brothels as paths to economic freedom. &ldquo;Since starting my career as a legal prostitute in Nevada, I can truthfully say it was one of the best decisions I have made,&rdquo; <a href="https://thenevadaindependent.com/article/a-perspective-on-outlawing-brothels-from-a-sex-worker">writes brothel worker Ruby Rae</a> in an opinion piece in the<em> </em>Nevada Independent, urging readers to oppose any attempts to roll back sex work legalization in Nevada.</p>

<p>No Little Girl is currently collecting signatures to get its anti-sex work initiatives on the November ballots. When I spoke with Jason D. Guinasso, a Reno lawyer working on the campaign, he told me that each petition had attracted a little more than 1,000 signatures. If the campaign collects a few thousand more, the petitions will be sent to their respective county commissions, who will either choose to act on them or turn the issue over to county voters this November &mdash; the counties on the ballot house many of the state&rsquo;s brothels, meaning a successful referendum would eliminate <a href="http://www.latimes.com/nation/la-na-nevada-brothels-illegal-20180506-story.html">half of Nevada&rsquo;s legal brothels</a>. The group could take its campaign to the <a href="http://www.latimes.com/nation/la-na-nevada-brothels-illegal-20180506-story.html">statewide level</a> if successful.</p>

<p>For many people, the world of sex work is a completely foreign one, something you only see in salacious movies or alarmist documentaries. When your only contact with sex workers is as the butt of a joke or subject of a tragic story, it&rsquo;s easy to buy into narratives like No Little Girl&rsquo;s.</p>

<p>But as someone who has known many sex workers, both personally and professionally &mdash; I am a former editor of the sex industry-focused blog Fleshbot &mdash; it&rsquo;s easy to see the vast gap between the reality of sex workers&rsquo; lives and the bleak fiction peddled by the anti-sex work industry. While not all sex workers are as effusive about their work as Ruby Rae, few identify with the exploited women put forth by campaigns like No Little Girl. Doing a little digging into the broad claims put forth by this campaign quickly reveals how baseless they actually are.</p>

<p>The war on sex work continues on multiple fronts. Anti-sex trafficking groups successfully lobbied to pass the Fight Online Sex Trafficking Act and the Stop Enabling Sex Traffickers Act, or <a href="https://www.vox.com/culture/2018/4/13/17172762/fosta-sesta-backpage-230-internet-freedom">FOSTA-SESTA</a>, laws that hurt sex traffickers online by holding platforms responsible for content that promotes sex work. In theory, FOSTA-SESTA helps the government hold websites accountable for providing safe havens for sex traffickers; in practice, the law has led platforms across the internet to crack down on anything even remotely related to sex work (and sometimes even just sex), eradicating message boards and resources that sex workers use to screen clients, share safety tips, and get out of unsafe and nonconsensual sex work situations. &nbsp;</p>
<div class="megaphone.fm-embed"><a href="https://player.megaphone.fm/VMP3845788895" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">View Link</a></div>
<p>But No Little Girl has now set its sights on eliminating one of the few forms of legal sex work in the United States. All in all, it&rsquo;s a dark time for sex workers fighting for the legal recognition that would actually reduce exploitation.</p>
<h2 class="wp-block-heading">The attack on legal sex work in Nevada is based on bad data</h2>
<p>The No Little Girl campaign has argued that Nevada&rsquo;s brothels have a negative effect on the state. In reality, research shows that the lives of Nevada citizens have <em>improved </em>due to the legalization of sex work in the state. Nevada&rsquo;s system isn&rsquo;t perfect &mdash; but it&rsquo;s a considerable improvement over the national policy of criminalization.</p>

<p>No Little Girl has three major arguments for shutting down the legal brothel industry: Brothels do not significantly contribute to their counties&rsquo; economies while deterring other businesses from setting up shop; they increase violence against women who don&rsquo;t work in the sex industry; and they&rsquo;re inherently abusive (because, as the campaign&rsquo;s tagline reminds visitors, &ldquo;no little girl grows up wanting to be a prostitute&rdquo;).</p>

<p>At first glance, these arguments may seem sound. But combing through the data &mdash; even the data the organization links to on its site &mdash; suggests that many of No Little Girl&rsquo;s claims are exaggerated at best and misleading at worst.</p>

<p>For starters, No Little Girl neglects to discuss the financial impact of the jobs these brothels create in its reports, as well as the tourism they bring to their respective counties. (Dennis Hof, owner of many prominent brothels in Lyon County, estimates that between taxes, fees, and tourism, the brothels contribute <a href="https://www.washingtonpost.com/national/a-nevada-county-takes-aim-at-legal-prostitution-should-the-brothels-stay-or-go/2018/05/17/48318eaa-5a13-11e8-8836-a4a123c359ab_story.html?utm_term=.efc4b4c69e76">$10 million to the local economy</a>.) County officials <a href="http://www.slate.com/articles/business/moneybox/2011/02/stimulus_spending.html">have repeatedly gone on record</a> to talk about the business opportunities brothels bring to counties that would likely be economically depressed without them.</p>

<p>Even more misleading are No Little Girl&rsquo;s charges that legal sex work makes a woman 26 times (or, as another statistic claims, 1,660 percent) more likely to be sexually assaulted than women in neighboring counties. While these stats are based <a href="https://ucr.fbi.gov/crime-in-the-u.s/2016/crime-in-the-u.s.-2016/tables/table-8/table-8-state-cuts/nevada.xls">on</a> <a href="https://ucr.fbi.gov/crime-in-the-u.s/2014/crime-in-the-u.s.-2014/tables/table-10/table-10-pieces/Table_10_Offenses_Known_to_Law_Enforcement_Nevada_by_Metropolitan_and_Nonmetropolitan_Counties_2014.xls">real</a> <a href="https://ucr.fbi.gov/crime-in-the-u.s/2013/crime-in-the-u.s.-2013/tables/table-10/table-10-pieces/table_10_offenses_known_to_law_enforcement_by_nevada_by_metropolitan_and_nonmetropolitan_counties_2013.xls">FBI</a> <a href="https://ucr.fbi.gov/crime-in-the-u.s/2012/crime-in-the-u.s.-2012/tables/10tabledatadecpdf/table-10-state-cuts/table_10_offenses_known_to_law_enforcement_nevada_by_metropolitan_and_nonmetropolitan_counties_2012.xls">crime</a> <a href="https://ucr.fbi.gov/crime-in-the-u.s/2015/crime-in-the-u.s.-2015/tables/table-10/table-10-state-pieces/table_10_offenses_known_to_law_enforcement_nevada_by_metropolitan_and_nonmetropolitan_counties_2015.xls">statistics</a>, they only take into account a few years of data in just two Nevada counties. A broad look across all of Nevada &mdash; including counties with legal sex work where assault rates are low &mdash; show no correlation between assaults and the presence or absence of legal sex work.</p>

<p>Meanwhile, <a href="https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/legal-prostitution-zones-reduce-incidents-of-rape-and_us_58c83be1e4b01d0d473bce8a">a number of studies</a> of countries where sex work is legal have routinely found that legalization or decriminalization of sex work is often correlated with <em>lower</em> rates of sexual assault. When Rhode Island <a href="https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/wonk/wp/2014/07/17/when-rhode-island-accidentally-legalized-prostitution-rape-and-stis-decreased-sharply/?noredirect=on&amp;utm_term=.da9da1c78f63">accidentally legalized indoor prostitution</a> (a rewrite of its overly broad prostitution laws wound up deleting the language making it illegal) for a number of years, reported rapes declined by 31 percent after; when the Netherlands opened &ldquo;tippelzones,&rdquo; or areas where street prostitution is legal, reports of rape and sexual abuse declined by a similar percentage over the first two years.</p>

<p>This decline could be attributed to a number of other factors &mdash; including country culture or other laws related to sexual assault &mdash; but it&rsquo;s worth noting.</p>

<p>But it&rsquo;s No Little Girl&rsquo;s comments on the safety and working conditions of the brothels themselves that truly twist the facts. The campaign cites statistics about abuse, assault, and PTSD &nbsp;from Melissa Farley, a researcher whose credibility has been <a href="https://www.parliament.nz/en/pb/hansard-debates/rhr/document/47HansS_20030611_00001073/beyer-georgina-prostitution-reform-bill-in-committee">called into</a> <a href="http://cybersolidaires.typepad.com/files/complaint-to-apa-against-mfarley.pdf">question</a>. Critics have noted that, among other things, Farley frequently presents misleading anecdotes and statistics &mdash; like a claim that <a href="http://www.academia.edu/1039197/Comment_on_Melissa_Farleys_claims_regarding_decriminalisation_of_sex_work_in_New_Zealand">street-based sex work increased 400 percent</a> in Auckland after decriminalization &mdash; as fact.</p>

<p>Christina Parreira, a University of Nevada Las Vegas PhD candidate who&rsquo;s<a href="https://qz.com/779452/this-woman-become-a-sex-worker-at-a-brothel-in-nevada-to-do-field-work-for-her-phd/"> researched the experiences of Nevada sex workers</a> and is a brothel worker herself, tells me that No Little Girl&rsquo;s description of working in the brothels is &ldquo;not accurate at all.&rdquo; Contrary to the campaign&rsquo;s depiction of Nevada sex workers as broken and abused, Parreira says she has &ldquo;a great life. I don&rsquo;t come from an abusive family. &#8230; It&rsquo;s so insulting for other women to tell me that [I don&rsquo;t know what I want].&rdquo;</p>
<h2 class="wp-block-heading">Nevada’s laws aren’t perfect, but they are far better than the national policy</h2>
<p>None of this is to say that a legalized brothel system is perfect or above reproach. Nevada&rsquo;s regulations dramatically limit who can participate in the legal sex work system &mdash; if a brothel doesn&rsquo;t hire you, you can&rsquo;t work legally. Since few brothels are interested in hiring men or trans women, the system is effectively closed off to those groups. Additionally, some of the expenses and registration requirements can feel punitive and off-putting, making it harder for the most vulnerable women to work safely and legally within the system.</p>

<p>It&rsquo;s these types of restrictions that have led many human rights organizations, including Amnesty International, to argue that sex work decriminalization &mdash; or the removal of criminal penalties for sex work, without additional regulation or restrictions on who can sell sex &mdash; is <a href="https://www.amnesty.org/en/qa-policy-to-protect-the-human-rights-of-sex-workers/">preferable to some legal sex work systems</a>, such as those found in Nevada, Germany, Amsterdam, and Tunisia.</p>

<p>Yet in spite of its flaws, the Nevada brothel system is still leaps and bounds ahead of the criminal penalties most of the country imposes on <em>all</em> people who choose to exchange sex for money. Rather than rolling back the progress Nevada has achieved, we should be looking to the state as an inspiration for pursuing even more progressive policies that empower and uplift people who choose sex work as an occupation.</p>

<p>But so long as we allow our arguments about sex work to be led by morality rather than harm reduction, we&rsquo;ll continue to fall prey to the kind of knee-jerk anti-sex work zealotry displayed by No Little Girl. And our sex work policies &mdash; and the safety of sex workers &mdash; will continue to suffer as a result.</p>

<p>Truly understanding the lives of sex workers, and the policies that help them, requires putting aside our personal feelings about sexuality and listening to the experiences of sex workers. It requires recognizing that sex work is work, even if it&rsquo;s work we&rsquo;re not interested in or willing to do ourselves. It requires understanding that eliminating sex work is no more feasible than eliminating abortion &mdash; people will find a way &mdash;&nbsp;and that making sex work safer should be our collective goal.</p>

<p>When we can&rsquo;t do that, we wind up with half-baked arguments about the evils of sex work and policies that, sadly, do more harm than good.</p>

<p><em>Lux Alptraum is a writer whose work has been featured in the New York Times, Men&rsquo;s Health, Cosmopolitan, Hustler, and more. Her first book, </em>Faking It: The Lies Women Tell About Sex &mdash; And The Truths They Reveal<em>, comes out this November.</em></p>
<hr class="wp-block-separator" />
<p><a href="http://vox.com/the-big-idea"><strong>The Big Idea</strong></a>&nbsp;is Vox&rsquo;s home for smart discussion of the most important issues and ideas in politics, science, and culture &mdash; typically by outside contributors. If you have an idea for a piece, pitch us at&nbsp;<a href="mailto:thebigidea@vox.com"><strong>thebigidea@vox.com</strong></a>.</p>
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			<entry>
			
			<author>
				<name>Lux Alptraum</name>
			</author>
			
			<title type="html"><![CDATA[Sex workers cannot solve the problem of angry, misogynistic men]]></title>
			<link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="https://www.vox.com/first-person/2018/5/31/17412786/sex-workers-incels" />
			<id>https://www.vox.com/first-person/2018/5/31/17412786/sex-workers-incels</id>
			<updated>2018-05-31T09:58:13-04:00</updated>
			<published>2018-05-31T10:10:02-04:00</published>
			<category scheme="https://www.vox.com" term="Gender" /><category scheme="https://www.vox.com" term="Life" />
							<summary type="html"><![CDATA[Last fall, following a New York Times article documenting multiple allegations of abuse and sexual harassment against the comedian Louis C.K., Rae Sanni, also a comedian, went on Twitter to share a few thoughts. C.K.&#8217;s habit of masturbating in front of women without their consent was not merely a fetish, Sanni argued, because making real [&#8230;]]]></summary>
			
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<img alt="" data-caption="A young woman holds a “Safety for Sex Workers Now!” sign during an annual May Day march for workers’ rights on May 1, 2018, in Dublin. | Artur Widak/NurPhoto via Getty Images" data-portal-copyright="Artur Widak/NurPhoto via Getty Images" data-has-syndication-rights="1" src="https://platform.vox.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/chorus/uploads/chorus_asset/file/11453891/GettyImages_953658246.jpg?quality=90&#038;strip=all&#038;crop=0,0,100,100" />
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	A young woman holds a “Safety for Sex Workers Now!” sign during an annual May Day march for workers’ rights on May 1, 2018, in Dublin. | Artur Widak/NurPhoto via Getty Images	</figcaption>
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<p>Last fall, following a New York Times article documenting multiple allegations of abuse and sexual harassment against the comedian Louis C.K., Rae Sanni, also a comedian, <a href="https://twitter.com/raesanni/status/928730558942908416?lang=en">went on Twitter</a> to share a few thoughts.</p>

<p>C.K.&rsquo;s habit of masturbating in front of women without their consent was not merely a fetish, Sanni argued, because making real women suffer was so central to his goal. &ldquo;Guys like Louis CK,&rdquo; she wrote, &ldquo;could just pay a sex worker. Could even request the sex worker play like she&rsquo;s uncomfortable if they likes. But they don&rsquo;t want that. The pleasure is in the actual discomfort of their victims, the power to overwhelm or make them just take it. It&rsquo;s horrendous.&rdquo;</p>

<p>Sanni&rsquo;s take quickly went viral, racking up thousands of retweets and likes. But just as quickly, she faced backlash from sex workers who argued that what she proposed in her tweet was akin to suggesting that sex workers sacrifice themselves to abusers for the good of other women.</p>

<p>Although Sanni &mdash; herself a former stripper &mdash; pushed back against this interpretation of her tweet, it&rsquo;s not hard to see how people came to that reading of her words. Because the truth is that many people, including prominent economists and New York Times<em> </em>columnists, <em>do</em> see sex workers as a primary defense against abusive and violent men.</p>

<p>In the wake of the Toronto van attack in April, George Mason University economist Robin Hanson <a href="http://www.overcomingbias.com/2018/04/two-types-of-envy.html">mused</a> that &ldquo;that those with much less access to sex suffer to a similar degree as those with low income,&rdquo; and that, in the same way that income redistribution is used to remedy income inequality, a redistribution of sex might tend to the needs of the undersexed. In a column that sparked a great deal of ire, New York Times columnist Ross Douthat extrapolated on Hanson&rsquo;s idea, envisioning <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2018/05/02/opinion/incels-sex-robots-redistribution.html">a potential world</a> where sex workers and sexbots are on hand to &ldquo;redistribute&rdquo; sex to horny, lonely men; satiating their libidos and, presumably, preventing their horniness from mutating into uncontrollable rage and mass violence, &agrave; la the Toronto van attacker and the Santa Barbara shooter.</p>

<p>Granted, Douthat argues that turning to sex workers to curb male violence would represent a &nbsp;dystopian solution, and that he would prefer a turn to the conservative values of monogamy and chastity. At no point does he question the efficacy of this proposed solution. Yet taking a deeper look at this idea of sex workers as a solution for toxic male behavior reveals what a cruel and misguided idea it is.</p>
<h2 class="wp-block-heading">Incels aren’t just looking for sex</h2>
<p>To begin with, there is no indication that paying sex workers for a consensual, negotiated encounter in any way curbs the anger that pushes many of these men to violence. As Sanni notes in her tweet about C.K., abusive men aren&rsquo;t just interested in sex &mdash; they&rsquo;re interested in wielding power over an unwilling victim. Even self-identified &ldquo;incels&rdquo; &mdash; a group of men who gather online whose identity hinges on their &ldquo;involuntary&rdquo; celibacy &mdash; make clear that sex workers are not the solution to their sexual struggles.</p>

<p>In a thread on Incels.me, a message board for men who feel completely shut out from the world of sex and dating, one poster makes the case that someone who hired a sex worker would no longer qualify as an incel. Another quickly pushes back, noting that &ldquo;those woman  [sic] wouldn&rsquo;t have had sex with him if he didn&rsquo;t pay so he is still incel.&rdquo;</p>

<p>The kind of men who turn to violence out of sexual frustration aren&rsquo;t actually interested in sexual intimacy, but instead a sense of control and domination over women. A negotiated experience with a sex worker does little to curb the rage of men who desire not sex but the total submission of the women they see as desirable.</p>

<p>More troublingly, the argument that sex workers should somehow save the world from angry, abusive men suggests that women in the sex industry can endure abuse in a way that other, &ldquo;regular&rdquo; women can&rsquo;t. Working in the sex industry does not magically make women more capable of defusing violence. To the contrary, sex workers face an elevated risk of rape, abuse, and murder.</p>

<p>To argue that men with violent tendencies and patterns of abusive behavior should seek out the services of sex workers is to suggest that violence and abuse against sex workers is somehow less abhorrent than violence against other women. It&rsquo;s a grotesque, dehumanizing stance that suggests that sex workers are a different breed of woman.</p>
<h2 class="wp-block-heading">Decriminalizing sex work is important — but not to fix the problem of angry, violent men</h2>
<p>There are many benefits to decriminalizing sex work. It enables us to fully control when and how and under what circumstances we engage in consensual sexual acts &mdash; whether that means paying for sex or accepting money for it. It offers sex workers high-paying, flexible work and a path to financial freedom, a particularly appealing prospect for people who are shut out of more mainstream industries, whether because of disability, gender identity, parental status, or some other issue entirely.</p>

<p>But sex work is not a panacea for the toxic mindsets that cause men to rape and abuse. Suggesting that sex workers be offered up as a form of appeasement merely enables that sense of entitlement rather than identifying it as the true source of the problem.</p>

<p>Men do not turn to violence and abuse out of sexual frustration or because no one will satisfy their desires in the exact way that they want. Men turn to violence and abuse because our society teaches them that these are appropriate reactions to being denied whatever (or whoever) catches their fancy.</p>

<p>Sex workers alone cannot dismantle that dangerous idea. That&rsquo;s work that we, as a society, must come together to do collectively.</p>

<p><em>Lux Alptraum is a writer whose work has been featured in&nbsp;the New York Times, Men&rsquo;s Health, Cosmopolitan, Hustler, and more. Her first book,&nbsp;</em>Faking It: The Lies Women Tell About Sex &mdash; And The Truths They Reveal<em>, comes out this November.</em></p>
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