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	<title type="text">Lux Alptraum | Vox</title>
	<subtitle type="text">Our world has too much noise and too little context. Vox helps you understand what matters.</subtitle>

	<updated>2020-03-10T03:19:11+00:00</updated>

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			<author>
				<name>Lux Alptraum</name>
			</author>
			
			<title type="html"><![CDATA[I have OCD. Here’s how I’m dealing with coronavirus fears.]]></title>
			<link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="https://www.vox.com/first-person/2020/3/10/21172206/coronavirus-covid-19-anxiety-depression-mental-health-ocd" />
			<id>https://www.vox.com/first-person/2020/3/10/21172206/coronavirus-covid-19-anxiety-depression-mental-health-ocd</id>
			<updated>2020-03-09T23:19:11-04:00</updated>
			<published>2020-03-10T07:30:00-04:00</published>
			<category scheme="https://www.vox.com" term="Covid-19" /><category scheme="https://www.vox.com" term="Health" /><category scheme="https://www.vox.com" term="Health Care" /><category scheme="https://www.vox.com" term="Mental Health" /><category scheme="https://www.vox.com" term="Policy" /><category scheme="https://www.vox.com" term="Politics" /><category scheme="https://www.vox.com" term="Science" />
							<summary type="html"><![CDATA[Over the past few weeks, as the Covid-19 coronavirus has made its way around the world, I&#8217;ve found myself preoccupied with worry. Am I washing my hands enough? Am I touching my face? What am I touching on the subway? What if I get infected and don&#8217;t realize it, and unknowingly pass on the virus [&#8230;]]]></summary>
			
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<img alt="" data-caption="If you’re dealing with anxiety or OCD during the coronavirus crisis, try to limit your news consumption to once a day. | Shutterstock" data-portal-copyright="Shutterstock" data-has-syndication-rights="1" src="https://platform.vox.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/chorus/uploads/chorus_asset/file/19780340/shutterstock_1074562523.jpg?quality=90&#038;strip=all&#038;crop=0,0,100,100" />
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	If you’re dealing with anxiety or OCD during the coronavirus crisis, try to limit your news consumption to once a day. | Shutterstock	</figcaption>
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<p>Over the past few weeks, as the <a href="https://www.vox.com/2020/3/5/21162138/vox-guide-to-covid-19-coronavirus">Covid-19 coronavirus</a> has made its way around the world, I&rsquo;ve found myself preoccupied with worry. Am I washing my hands enough? Am I touching my face? What am I touching on the subway? What if I get infected and don&rsquo;t realize it, and unknowingly pass on the virus to older or immunocompromised loved ones? Maybe I should start wearing a surgical mask when I visit my parents. Maybe I should stop visiting my parents. Maybe I should stop leaving the house.</p>

<p>As someone who lives with OCD, I&rsquo;m used to having my anxious thoughts take over &mdash; and, thanks to the work I&rsquo;ve done in therapy, I&rsquo;m usually pretty good at flagging thoughts as anxiety and OCD rather than a legitimate concern. But as the coronavirus outbreak has put the world on high alert, many of the thoughts I&rsquo;d ordinarily dismiss as a product of my anxiety have started to seem like rational worry, and I find it harder to push back.</p>

<p>Although many people associate OCD with obsessive cleanliness &mdash; a habit that might seem helpful in the midst of an outbreak &mdash; the reality is much more complicated. For many people, OCD involves extreme hypochondria or intrusive thoughts about harm coming to oneself or loved ones. The stress of an outbreak can exacerbate those fears, leading to a resulting increase in compulsive behavior, like time-consuming rituals that disrupt one&rsquo;s life, or extreme self-isolation.&nbsp;</p>

<p>It&rsquo;s not just people who live with OCD. For anyone with generalized anxiety or other mental disorders that make one prone to excessive worrying and irrational behavior, outbreaks can be a particularly dangerous time. As we work to protect ourselves from pathogens, it&rsquo;s easy to get caught up in panic &mdash; and that panic can threaten the tenuous control we maintain over our mental health.</p>

<p>So how can you avoid infection without spiraling out of control?&nbsp;</p>

<p>For starters, avoid the temptation to learn everything you possibly can about Covid-19. While more information might seem like the best defense against illness, it&rsquo;s far more likely to ramp up your panic &mdash; especially if you&rsquo;re getting that information from a place like Twitter, where the takes are fast, furious, and frequently unverified. On social media, &ldquo;the information is coming so fast and so thick and so unverified that it&rsquo;s very easy to get overwhelmed,&rdquo; says bioethicist <a href="https://twitter.com/rocza">Kelly Hills</a>. &ldquo;If you don&rsquo;t need to stay on top of this for your job or your academic work, don&rsquo;t.&rdquo;</p>

<p>Hills recommends limiting your Covid-19 news consumption to once a day, and only getting that news from a trusted, verified source. While staying informed is important, sensationalistic coverage is far more likely to inflame panic and cause more harm. &ldquo;We have to regulate and make choices about what we are exposing ourselves to,&rdquo; says therapist Jenn Brandel, noting that managing anxiety around outbreaks requires us to focus on facts rather than emotions. If it&rsquo;s friends and family, rather than the news, who are inundating you with Covid-19 updates, it&rsquo;s okay to mute them on social media, or ask them not to message you with anything related to the crisis.</p>

<p>Second, set a basic safety regimen &mdash; and avoid the temptation to add to it. As you&rsquo;ve likely heard, regular hand-washing is one of the most essential components of coronavirus prevention, but washing your hands repeatedly, for far more than 20 seconds at a time, is moving out of disease prevention territory and into compulsion territory. Too much hand-washing can actually work against that effort.&nbsp;</p>
<div class="wp-block-vox-media-highlight vox-media-highlight">
<p>The <a href="https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/about/prevention-treatment.html">CDC</a> recommends several measures to help prevent the spread of Covid-19:</p>
<ul class="wp-block-list"><li><a href="https://www.vox.com/2020/2/28/21157769/how-to-prevent-the-coronavirus">Wash your hands often</a> for at least 20 seconds.</li><li>Cover your cough or sneeze with a tissue, then throw it in the trash.</li><li>Clean and disinfect frequently touched objects.</li><li>Stay home as much as possible, and do not go out if you are sick.</li><li>Wear at least a <a href="https://www.vox.com/2020/4/3/21202792/coronavirus-masks-n95-trump-white-house-cdc-ppe-shortage">cloth mask</a> in certain public settings. </li><li>Contact a health worker if you have <a href="https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/about/symptoms.html">symptoms</a>.</li></ul>
<p>Guidance may change. Stay informed, and stay safe, with Vox&rsquo;s <a href="https://www.vox.com/coronavirus-covid19">coronavirus coverage hub</a>.</p>
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<p>&ldquo;If you are washing your hands so much that they are raw or chafed, you are washing your hands too much,&rdquo; says Hills. Washing your hands, she points out, isn&rsquo;t about preventing an infection from seeping in through your skin; it&rsquo;s about removing pathogens before you pass them on to points of entry like your eyes, nose, and mouth. If your hand-washing leads your skin to crack and bleed, you&rsquo;ve created a new entry point for the virus &mdash; meaning you could be <em>more</em>, not less, likely to get infected. (If you or a loved one are at elevated risk due to a comorbidity, Hills notes you can also wipe down light switches, phones, countertops, and other frequently touched surfaces with a Clorox wipe once a day &mdash; but once a day should be sufficient, and the entire process should only take a few minutes.)</p>

<p>If you&rsquo;re worried that a self-quarantine might amp up your anxiety or depression, staying on top of your general fitness and wellness regimen is even more important during a stressful time like this one. Make sure you&rsquo;re sleeping enough, eating a balanced diet, and getting some exercise. Even if you&rsquo;re unable to leave the house, there are plenty of at-home workouts (everything from <a href="https://www.shape.com/fitness/workouts/indoor-cardio-calorie-crusher-workout">aerobics</a> to <a href="https://www.sheknows.com/health-and-wellness/articles/1027379/30-minute-mini-zumba-routine-at-home/">Zumba</a>) that you can use to get your heart racing from activity rather than anxiety.</p>

<p>And if you&rsquo;re feeling really overwhelmed, remember that you don&rsquo;t have to go through this alone. Therapy, Brandel says, can be an important part of managing your mental health during a crisis. If therapy isn&rsquo;t an option for you, a trusted source &mdash; a doctor, a family, or a friend &mdash; who can help you analyze what is a rational concern or safety measure, and what is a panicked, anxious overreaction, is another excellent option.&nbsp;</p>

<p>And as social distancing becomes more widespread, with more of us finding ourselves having to work from home or stay in to care for children who can&rsquo;t go to school, it&rsquo;s good to plan some strategies to stay in touch with your support system remotely. Group chats and video chat can be a great way to feel connected to friends and family, but it&rsquo;s also a good idea to check if your therapist is available to do sessions remotely over video chat or phone.</p>

<p>In my case, it&rsquo;s been helpful to talk things through with friends and family, making a safety plan I can stick to that doesn&rsquo;t go overboard. When I feel the urge to wash my hands, I stop and think about whether there&rsquo;s actually a chance I&rsquo;ve picked up new pathogens since I last scrubbed them, applying the same mindfulness techniques I&rsquo;ve always applied to help manage my intrusive thoughts and compulsions.</p>

<p>Ultimately, the best way to get through these trying times is to just &ldquo;keep doing your work,&rdquo; says Brandel. &ldquo;It&rsquo;s easier to do our work around managing intrusive thoughts or managing compulsive impulses when we&rsquo;re in the best of conditions. These aren&rsquo;t the best conditions for someone with OCD [or other mental illnesses] &mdash; these are going to be hard conditions. But the work is still the same.&rdquo;</p>

<p>Whether you&rsquo;re struggling with OCD, generalized anxiety, or another mental illness that&rsquo;s feeling more intensified in these trying times, you&rsquo;ll be able to get through this outbreak the same way you get through everything: taking it day by day.</p>

<p><em>Lux Alptraum&rsquo;s work has appeared in a wide range of publications including t</em>he New York Times, Cosmopolitan, <em>and</em> Hustler.<em> Her first book, </em>Faking It: The Lies Women Tell About Sex &mdash; And the Truths They Reveal<em>, explores our cultural obsession with feminine deceit. Find her on Twitter </em><a href="https://twitter.com/LuxAlptraum?ref_src=twsrc%5Egoogle%7Ctwcamp%5Eserp%7Ctwgr%5Eauthor"><em>@luxalptraum</em></a><em>.&nbsp;</em></p>
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			<title type="html"><![CDATA[Opening a Pandora’s box of truths about rape kits]]></title>
			<link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="https://www.vox.com/the-highlight/2020/2/12/21121379/rape-kits-aliza-shvarts-safe-kits-anthem-exhibit" />
			<id>https://www.vox.com/the-highlight/2020/2/12/21121379/rape-kits-aliza-shvarts-safe-kits-anthem-exhibit</id>
			<updated>2020-02-19T07:00:04-05:00</updated>
			<published>2020-02-19T06:50:00-05:00</published>
			<category scheme="https://www.vox.com" term="Culture" /><category scheme="https://www.vox.com" term="Gender" /><category scheme="https://www.vox.com" term="Life" /><category scheme="https://www.vox.com" term="The Highlight" />
							<summary type="html"><![CDATA[Part of the Gender Issue of The Highlight, our home for ambitious stories that explain our world. Aliza Shvarts first became fascinated with rape kits a decade ago as a graduate student at New York University. In her research, Shvarts focused heavily on speech act theory &#8212; a field that looks at the way words [&#8230;]]]></summary>
			
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<img alt="" data-caption="Artist Aliza Shvarts’s Anthem, shown in 2019 at SculptureCenter in New York, pulls together rape kits from across the country to show differences in how each state treats the important act of collecting evidence from sexual assault. | Courtesy of Kyle Knodell" data-portal-copyright="Courtesy of Kyle Knodell" data-has-syndication-rights="1" src="https://platform.vox.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/chorus/uploads/chorus_asset/file/19699434/SculptureCenter_19_01_11_SC_IP_Other_Objects_0019.jpg?quality=90&#038;strip=all&#038;crop=0,0,100,100" />
	<figcaption>
	Artist Aliza Shvarts’s Anthem, shown in 2019 at SculptureCenter in New York, pulls together rape kits from across the country to show differences in how each state treats the important act of collecting evidence from sexual assault. | Courtesy of Kyle Knodell	</figcaption>
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<img src="https://platform.vox.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/chorus/uploads/chorus_asset/file/15986155/Vox_The_Highlight_Logo_wide.jpg?quality=90&#038;strip=all&#038;crop=0,0,100,100" alt="The Highlight by Vox logo" title="The Highlight by Vox logo" data-has-syndication-rights="1" data-caption="" data-portal-copyright="" />
<p><em>Part of the </em><a href="https://vox.com/2020/2/19/21122727/gender-issue-february"><em>Gender Issue</em></a><em> of </em><a href="https://www.vox.com/the-highlight"><em>The Highlight</em></a><em>, our home for ambitious stories that explain our world.</em></p>
<hr class="wp-block-separator" />
<p>Aliza Shvarts first became fascinated with rape kits a decade ago as a graduate student at New York University. In her research, Shvarts focused heavily on speech act theory &mdash; a field that looks at the way words can be used to create realities, altering the world around us through speech. She was also watching a lot of <em>Law &amp; Order: Special Victims Unit</em>, and her professional studies began bleeding into the way she consumed the show.</p>

<p>One of the show&rsquo;s<em> </em>most common tropes centered on the rape kit. Without one, survivors would find themselves vilified and disbelieved. But once their kits had been collected and processed, they had power and credibility, ultimately winning their cases.</p>

<p>&ldquo;The thing that makes you matter all of a sudden is the empirical object that corroborates your testimony,&rdquo; says Shvarts. The idea of a concrete object that could render the truth unimpeachable was deeply appealing, particularly when it came to a disputed and seemingly unknowable subject such as sexual assault.</p>

<p>Rape kits &mdash; known alternately as sexual assault forensic exam (SAFE) kits, sexual offense evidence collection kits, physical evidence recovery kits, sexual assault kits, and sexual assault evidence collection kits &mdash; loom large in the public imagination.</p>

<p>On procedural shows such as&nbsp;<em>Law &amp; Order: SVU</em>, they&rsquo;re often presented as the difference between a rapist&rsquo;s conviction or acquittal.</p>

<p>In the real world, rape kits also highlight how our criminal justice system routinely fails survivors. Advocates frequently use the <a href="http://www.endthebacklog.org/backlog/what-rape-kit-backlog">rape kit testing backlog</a> &mdash; it&rsquo;s estimated that <a href="https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2019/08/an-epidemic-of-disbelief/592807/">hundreds of thousands</a> of kits go unprocessed and untested after they&rsquo;ve been collected &mdash; as an entry point for exploring the low priority that sexual assault cases are given by law enforcement, as well as the stress and trauma of reporting a sexual assault. Kits are often the only physical evidence a survivor can present in court, but they&rsquo;re frequently lost in the system; because many states don&rsquo;t require them to be logged or tracked, it&rsquo;s both easy for kits to be misplaced and impossible to know precisely how many untested kits there are.</p>
<img src="https://platform.vox.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/chorus/uploads/chorus_asset/file/19699442/SculptureCenter_19_01_11_SC_IP_Other_Objects_0022.jpg?quality=90&#038;strip=all&#038;crop=0,0,100,100" alt="" title="" data-has-syndication-rights="1" data-caption="Shvarts began researching rape kits a decade ago, as a graduate student at New York University, first purchasing them online, then reaching out to state agencies for sample kits. | Courtesy of Kyle Knodell" data-portal-copyright="Courtesy of Kyle Knodell" />
<p>And yet for all our conviction that rape kits are the key to justice for sexual assault survivors, most of us do not know what these kits contain, or even what purpose they serve in the criminal justice process. Despite her obsession with the role rape kits played on <em>Law &amp; Order</em>, &ldquo;I didn&rsquo;t really know what they looked like,&rdquo; says Shvarts.</p>

<p>Determined to demystify them, Shvarts purchased a few from websites selling SAFE kits. But once she had one in her hands, she was surprised to find not some high-tech forensic device but a simple cardboard box full of paper envelopes and instruments for collecting debris, skin cells, hair samples, clothing, and other items used by forensic examiners to document evidence of an assault and potentially identify a perpetrator through DNA evidence<strong>.</strong></p>

<p>The SAFE kit began to seem less like unassailable proof and more like one more way of taking control away from survivors.&nbsp;</p>

<p>&ldquo;Certainly [the kit] does a lot of important work in terms of collecting physical evidence,&rdquo; says Shvarts. But at the same time, she says, there&rsquo;s a crucial piece of evidence that cannot be documented through a rape kit examination. &ldquo;A rape kit can never discover the presence or absence of consent. That&rsquo;s something only the survivor can really testify to.&rdquo;</p>
<figure class="wp-block-pullquote alignleft"><blockquote><p>Even at a passing glance, <em>Anthem</em> makes clear that not all rape kits are created equal. </p></blockquote></figure>
<p>That a rape kit could somehow reveal a nonconsensual experience is rooted in some persistent myths about rape. &ldquo;Consensual sex can leave injuries,&rdquo; says Maggie von Dolteren, a victim&rsquo;s advocate at West Virginia&rsquo;s <a href="http://rdvic.org">Rape and Domestic Violence Information Center</a>. &ldquo;And the injuries that are associated with sexual assault are just not as violent as some people expect them to be.&rdquo;</p>

<p>As helpful as rape kits can be in reconstructing the details of an assault, the key factor that distinguishes sexual assault from consensual sex can&rsquo;t be documented by swabs, slides, or photographs of bruises.</p>

<p>Shvarts began exploring this tension in her artwork, incorporating the kits into her performance pieces, and, as her work evolved, eventually treating the kits as a form of sculpture. In 2018, Shvarts exhibited all the kits that were publicly available for purchase in a piece called <em>Box Choreographies</em>, inviting viewers to examine the range of ways a SAFE kit could be constructed &mdash; to understand the kits not as a fixed authority, but as inconsistent, works in progress, still being refined.</p>

<p>Soon, Shvarts began reaching out to various state agencies to request samples of their kits. If the six kits included in <em>Box Choreographies</em> already showcased a diverse range of shapes, sizes, and procedures, what would dozens of them, displayed side by side, show the world about how we talk about rape?</p>
<hr class="wp-block-separator" />
<p>Last January, Shvarts debuted a new work at SculptureCenter, a museum in Long Island City, Queens. The artwork, <em>Anthem</em>, invited viewers to make their way down a long, concrete hallway, its arched ceiling lending the scene a somewhat Gothic effect. On the walls of the hallway were small boxes and envelopes, recreations of the dozens of rape kits that Shvarts had collected from forensic examiners, sexual assault nurse examiners, and other sexual assault response experts from across the country, displayed in alphabetical order by state.</p>

<p>Shvarts didn&rsquo;t manage to secure kits from all 50 states. In the original version of <em>Anthem</em>, 28 states were represented. (Since <em>Anthem&rsquo;</em>s debut at SculptureCenter, Shvarts has received kits from Delaware and North Dakota, which are being added to the collection for its next showing this February at Art in General in Brooklyn.)</p>

<p>Even at a passing glance, <em>Anthem</em> makes clear that not all rape kits are created equal. The boxes come in a wide variety of sizes; in some cases, they&rsquo;re not boxes at all, but oversized paper envelopes. Glancing inside the kits reveals more differences. In some states, examiners only have seven steps to go through; in others, there are more than 20 separate tasks on the checklist.&nbsp;</p>

<p>The language states use to direct examiners also varies widely. Some limit themselves to medical or legal language, others are more colloquial in their terminology. In Florida, examiners collect underwear, while in Washington, they request a survivor&rsquo;s underpants; in Louisiana, panties. The Virginia kit lists various sexual acts on the evidence collection envelopes, distinguishing between swabs that collect evidence of forced cunnilingus and those that indicate forced anal penetration (or, as the kit refers to it, buggery).&nbsp;</p>
<img src="https://platform.vox.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/chorus/uploads/chorus_asset/file/19699439/SculptureCenter_19_01_11_SC_IP_Other_Objects_0029.jpg?quality=90&#038;strip=all&#038;crop=0,0,100,100" alt="" title="" data-has-syndication-rights="1" data-caption="A detail from &lt;em&gt;Anthem,&lt;/em&gt; pictured in 2019 at  SculptureCenter in New York City. The exhibition returns to New York’s Art in General this month. | Courtesy of Kyle Knodell" data-portal-copyright="Courtesy of Kyle Knodell" />
<p><em>Anthem</em>&rsquo;s viewers see not just the stark differences between kits and the broad range of experiences survivors may have at the emergency department. These kits reflect the piecemeal way the country understands and addresses sexual assault &mdash; and how far we are from a national consensus on how to respond to rape.</p>

<p>&ldquo;A lot of visitors were looking at kits from states that they had been to or had lived in, trying to see whether their sense of that state&rsquo;s awareness of the gravity and importance of addressing sexual assault was reflected in the [kit&rsquo;s design],&rdquo; says Gee Wesley, a former curatorial fellow at SculptureCenter who worked with Shvarts on the project&rsquo;s debut. In many instances, Wesley says, visitors left <em>Anthem</em> more &ldquo;attuned to the unevenness of access&rdquo; to quality care for survivors.</p>

<p>Shvarts hopes audiences will also develop a deeper understanding of the fundamental limitations of these kits &mdash;&nbsp;that they&rsquo;re simply one more imperfect way to help a survivor make their case.&nbsp;</p>

<p><em>Anthem</em> isn&rsquo;t the only way Shvarts is reassessing rape kits. This spring, a follow-up project titled <em>Anatomy</em> will debut at the 8th Floor in Manhattan. Where <em>Anthem</em> offers a broad and comprehensive view of SAFE kit variation, <em>Anatomy</em> hones in on one specific aspect of the kits: the diagrams provided to examiners to document the locations of injuries.&nbsp;Though they ostensibly represent a universal body, more often than not they read as white, cis, and female. &ldquo;If you are a black trans woman, and a nurse is trying to diagram your injuries, one of these diagrams would not allow for an accurate representation of your assault,&rdquo; Shvarts says.</p>

<p>&ldquo;A rape kit is meant to embody the voice of a survivor; it&rsquo;s meant to speak on your behalf,&rdquo; Shvarts says. Through her work, Shvarts highlights what a complicated, and perhaps impossible, mission that truly is. She hopes more of us will begin to question why we put more faith in a small cardboard box full of envelopes, swabs, and DNA than we do in the testimony of a person.</p>

<p><strong><em>Anthem </em>can be viewed at Art in General (145 Plymouth St, Brooklyn, NY) February 21&ndash;May 9<em>. Anatomy </em>can be viewed at The 8th Floor<em> </em>(17 W 17th St, New York, NY) April 16&ndash;July<em>.</em></strong></p>
<hr class="wp-block-separator" />
<p><em>Lux Alptraum&rsquo;s writing has been featured in publications including the New York Times, New York magazine, Wired, Cosmopolitan, and Hustler. Her first book, </em><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Faking-Women-Sex-Truths-Reveal/dp/1580057659">Faking It: The Lies Women Tell About Sex &mdash; And the Truths They Reveal</a><em>, explores our cultural obsession with feminine deceit.</em></p>
<div class="wp-block-vox-media-highlight vox-media-highlight"><h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong>More from this issue of The Highlight</strong></h2><img src="https://platform.vox.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/chorus/uploads/chorus_asset/file/19652767/nonbinary_annietritt_012.jpg?quality=90&#038;strip=all&#038;crop=0,0,100,100" alt="" title="" data-has-syndication-rights="1" data-caption="" data-portal-copyright="" /><ul class="wp-block-list"><li><a href="https://www.vox.com/the-highlight/2020/2/19/21124189/nonbinary-gender-fluid-adults">Life in between: Nonbinary adults, in portrait</a></li><li><a href="https://www.vox.com/the-highlight/2020/2/12/21075683/trans-coming-out-cost-of-womanhood-pink-tax">The Assimilationist, or: On the unexpected cost of passing as a trans woman</a></li><li><a href="https://www.vox.com/the-highlight/2020/2/12/21078915/gender-neutral-clothing-baby-clothes-target-gap">How baby clothes became a pink and blue battleground</a></li><li><a href="https://www.vox.com/the-highlight/2020/2/12/21122543/axe-body-spray-teenage-boys-ads">The pungent legacy of Axe Body Spray</a></li></ul></div>
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