If you look around — and you don’t have to look very hard — you might have seen that there are a lot of items that now have the word “fuck” printed on them. These aren’t exotic or unusual things: socks, pencils, shirts, keychains, desk calendars, books, earrings. Even bars of soap, which might be handy for washing your mouth out after use. 

I started to notice this commercial drift a few years ago when someone gave me a cup with a cartoony cat image and the statement “Cats Don’t Give a Fuck.” Not that that’s not true, but it is rather blunt. The cup seemed to be a clever novelty item, and its cheery presentation nothing taboo.

This was not long after I’d heard Samuel Jackson recite the text of the popular Adam Mansbach book Go the F**k to Sleep, to give modern parents some solace. There was something a bit daring in hearing Jackson shout the expletives in an alleged bedtime book, but, to me, more hilarious than blasphemous. And late last year, I read Mark Manson’s The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck, and checked to see what else he’d done, only to find his newest, Everything Is F*cked. It wasn’t until I received a set of 10 pencils as a Christmas gift — pencils labeled with phrases like “Fuck-a-doodle-doo” on them — that it seemed the product-profanity engine had reached fourth gear. 

Those pencils (box-labeled “Fucking Brilliant: 10 Pencils for Writing Shit Down”) are the product of Chronicle Books, a San Francisco–based publisher of books and gift items. Chronicle’s Calligraphuck line has a high percentage of fucks (and shits) among its varied product roster. Kim Romero, senior editor at Chronicle, told me, “Calligraphuck uses profanity in an uplifting way, putting emphasis on positive messages and sentiments. Much of the appeal lies in the humor and surprise of seeing profanity rendered in lovely gold calligraphy. It’s an irresistible combination of irreverence and elegance.”

Chronicle doesn’t see a commercial risk in carrying products with a naughty message. “We’re always interested in offering our consumers something new. In this case: brilliant swear words with a twist, not just vulgarity,” says Christina Amini, executive publishing director of adult books and gift products at Chronicle. “Believe it or not, we spend a lot of time talking about which expletives are just right for this line. You can’t please everyone all the time, especially when you offer something with a strong flavor like our ‘Classy as Fuck’ flask. So we know that it won’t work for all retailers, but for the people who love this, they are all in,” she says.

Mitch Nash, the co-founder of Blue Q, which sells many products that have swears on them, demurs on the shock value of such statements. “It’s not gratuitous. We don’t go, ‘Let’s say “fuck” on an item, it will sell.’ We’re first and foremost trying to say something where it serves as an amplifier,” he says. “This is the way people talk. So it’s just honesty and communication, and not being uptight about how language is used.”

“Fuck” seems to be the expression that packs the most branding oomph. Among some of the book titles I scanned: Calm the F*ck Down, Unf*ck Yourself, Bucky F*cking Dent, and Zen As F*ck. Faith Harper, the author of Unfuck Your Brain, also wrote Unfuck Your Boundaries, which has an accompanying workbook.

(That made me wonder if the Calm the F*ck Down author has sanctioned, say, these “calm the fuck down” whiskey glasses, but in a brief dig into copyright law, I found this on the Stanford University Libraries site:

Copyright laws disfavor protection for short phrases. Such claims are viewed with suspicion by the Copyright Office, whose circulars state that, “… slogans, and other short phrases or expressions cannot be copyrighted.”

Considering that the f-word had its Germanic origins as early as the 15th century and is cited by other etymologists as being of an even earlier Indo-European coinage, it’s dubious that any wrangling over such short phrasings could be the basis for a legal battle. In short, “fuck” belongs to us all.

“Fuck” is a perennial favorite, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t have curse competitors. The pencil from Chronicle I used to write some notes for this piece is labeled “Write That Shit Down.” Another proclaims, “Take Note, Bitches.” 

From a brief perusal of a few other gift sites:

• You can buy a nice vinyl sticker that says “You Are a Goddamn Magical Unicorn” 
• That sticker could go on a notepad that’s headed “Get Shit Done” 
• Pulling a pie out of the oven must be even sweeter when you use an oven mitt that says “I love my a**hole kids”  
• There must be many occasions to tilt back a wine glass that proclaims, “I’m one glass away from bringing up a bunch of shit from three years ago”

As Amini says, “We vary the specific profanity we use in the titles. Not all of the products in this line have ‘fuck’ in the title. For example, there’s the ‘Getting Shit Done List Ledger,’ the ‘None of Your Damn Business Notebook Collection,’ and the ‘Fabulous Bitch Keychain.’ How many fucks can someone give? Maybe there’s a limited number!”

Whatever those variants, an item that seemed to summarize the entire product generation is the wrapping paper in an elegant black and white I saw at Steel Petal Press that simply repeated “fuck” at right angles. 

You might be intrigued, as I was, by the use of asterisks in some of these to soften the language, or maybe to broaden the buyer demographic — or perhaps to be a bit cute? “F*ck” seems to be the favorite asterisked rendering, but for most of the products I viewed, manufacturers spelled it out. Does putting in the asterisks actually protect anyone from the force of the language? Your brain immediately fills in the missing letter, but that doesn’t make you feel any smarter or more adult or more in on the joke.

Some companies are having a heyday peddling the profane, but what does that suggest for consumer perceptions? I spoke with Dr. Nicole Coleman, an associate professor of marketing at the University of Pittsburgh’s Katz Graduate School of Business and an expert on how consumers make decisions, especially ones that are related to their emotions.

“It’s definitely still counternormative to see these words on actual products — in many parts of the country, it’s even counternormative to say four-letter words,” she says. “There is absolutely a generational shift happening around this language, however; it’s much more common to see younger consumers with these items than older generations.”

Coleman does think the continued and visible use of “banned” language on commercial products over time could break down barriers to negative reactions. “Language is a living entity, and it’s constantly changing to accommodate new trends and usage instances,” she says. “The growth of a word/word use comes out of a smaller group of individuals, and then becomes more widely accepted. In the case of ‘forbidden’ language, what we’ll likely see is a softening of the response to such choice words as they become more commonly used.”

Retailers of these products know that there are audience limits. “Chronicle endeavors to create books, gifts, and stationery that will surprise, inspire, and delight, and we realize that what may delight some people may not necessarily delight everyone,” says Romero.  

The New York Times had an intriguing piece on the benefits of swearing, positing that cursing provides bodily release from temporary pain (the hammer-on-thumb reaction), as well as working as an emotional release. There was also exploration into whether an unbridled curser gave a stronger expression of authenticity or honesty. 

When I asked Mitch Nash of Blue Q why he thought people liked things that had naughty or suggestive language, he had a quick correlative answer: “Their honesty,” he says. “People are drawn to something that is breaking the rules, and it’s going against the grain to be mass publishing products with these words on them. You’re maybe not supposed to be doing that, but we’re simply talking the way we talk.”

Coleman reinforces that angle from the “benign violations” psychological perspective: “The idea with benign violations is that there are certain experiences and actions that people engage in that are kind of aversive, but also safe,” she says. “Think about riding a roller coaster, watching a gory horror flick, eating super-spicy food — all of these types of behaviors are kind of awful, but also really exciting.

“Swear words and taboo language fall into this category. Let’s be real: saying ‘fuck’ doesn’t hurt anyone, it’s just another word. But it’s a ‘bad’ word, so there’s this thrill that goes along with using it.” 

Sure, some folks might think a soap label that has “shit” written on it is nasty, but there are many who think otherwise. And the cursing-with-charm product might have staying power. As Amini says, “Fads come and go, but profanity and humor are evergreen. It’s just about figuring out the appropriate time and place for it.”

In 2010, feeling flush, I bought a bottle of Pappy Van Winkle 20-year-old bourbon for $110. This particular bourbon has become a thing — a thing that you cannot get without parting with lots of your money. Much like the Tulip Mania in the Dutch Golden Age, Winkle prices have now cleared the hurdles of the rational. So I enjoyed the bourbon, kept the bottle, and then sold the empty a short while back on eBay for $115. 

I had accidentally wiggled a toe in the world of whiskey investing. But there are many people that are all-in, and a weird world it is. This is a place where the prices can be boggling and the pursuit can be the stuff of an intricate mystery novel. 

Here’s an example: In December of 2018, Christie’s auction house presented a 40-case collection of pre-Prohibition American whiskeys at auction. (The collection was stashed for years in a hidden 1920s cellar behind false bookcase doors.) The auction’s Lot 750, a grouping of 24 pints of 1914 Hermitage Bottled in Bond 9-year-old whiskey, fetched a hearty sum of $24,500. Similar lots of that sale — and there were many — carried similar valuations. 

But that mere 25 grand? A trifle when matched with the nearly $1.9 million just paid at an auction through Sotheby’s for a bottle of 1926 Macallan.

Of course, there are many collectors whose budgets don’t soar into the stratosphere. Spirits collectors might begin with much more modest acquisitions and ambitions and build from there. 

“There’s almost a typical journey the ‘classical’ collector goes down,” says Andy Simpson, co-founder of Rare Whisky101 out of Scotland. “You fall in love with the broad Scotch category — the flavors, the social aspect, the myth, the magic, the people, and the process, so you buy a few bottles to drink. When you find your tipple of choice, you become a curious consumer and maybe buy a limited edition, an older age statement, single cask, or other variant.

“As time progresses, you naturally end up buying more than you can drink, so you stick some bottles in your closet, cupboard, wardrobe, spare room, wherever (under the bed, in my case to start!) and you become a whisky collector as well as a whisky drinker.”

(A note: For consistency’s sake, we’re going to dub all of the whiskeys in the general narrative as “whiskey” rather than the alternate “whisky,” which is commonly used for Scotches, Japanese spirits, and distillations from some other countries. In conversations with our interviewees, we use their preferred spelling.)

How a bottle becomes a collectible

Simpson, who has been collecting single malts since the tender age of 16, has thoughts on what makes a spirit collectible. “Some common themes are wanting a bottle from every distillery, wanting every bottle from one beloved distillery, collecting birth-year vintages (I still collect bottles from my year of birth, 1972), collecting bottles from silent distilleries. … The list is almost endless,” he says. 

Some distilleries essentially create a collectible by restricting the bottling of a noted spirit to a fixed number, only released at a limited time, perhaps for the holidays. They set a bottle price, but that’s often exceeded when the bottles are brought out to retail or other secondary markets. Scarcity becomes a significant market factor. 

Larger retailers often make arrangements with distilleries to purchase limited-release single-barrel spirits that they bottle and sell at a premium. Liquor laws have loosened considerably in the last few years; retailers can now offer tastings in-house in many states, so that a potential collector can get a snootful of the stuff and make a decision on a pricey bottle. Some distilleries also break out the unusual bottles for a tasting to induce a larger purchase. And some select bars carry unusual or rare spirits so that the masses might get a shot of something they could never bring home in full — that is, if you’re willing to shell out $1,200 for a shot. 

But Anne-Sophie Bigot, a spirits blogger and head of a whiskey consultancy in her native France, says you don’t need to be a crowned head of Europe to find a few good drams. “I don’t have the same financial means as many collectors, so I had to adapt,” she says. “I feel much more happy when I discover hidden treasures, some liquid gems that a few people care about but that bring me more joy than the big shiny names. It’s all about the thrill of the chase, and I’m kind of addicted! 

“You can find some great bottles without putting a mortgage on your house. I would, for instance, never buy a new limited edition after it’s sold out and then goes for crazy prices at auction. I’m the living proof that whisky collecting doesn’t have to be an elitist hobby.”

It’s not unheard of to sample your collection

Some collectors are astute investors, alert to dips and slumps in the market, keeping tabs with the latest technology on bottles and barrels, and keeping their goods in impenetrable vaults. Some collectors are all that — but they also like to taste some of their spoils. 

Justin Sloan, who publishes the Bourbon Review and runs Justin’s House of Bourbon in Lexington, Kentucky, has the good sense to know when to hold ’em and know when to open ’em. 

“There are obviously people that love to buy things, squirrel them away, and then sell them later as an investment,” he says. “Some will buy multiples of something and basically hoard them, but sell some of them to pay for the ones they drink.”

A collector might get lucky reaching into the back shelf of a mom-and-pop store and pulling out a forgotten bottle whose dust suggests a liquid treasure, but many rely on networking with collectors, connections at distilleries, and networking at luxury whiskey events or festivals, where the liquor and the stories flow. 

And, of course, many rely on the auction houses, who like to do a little marketing with their offerings. Here are some tasting notes for a recent auction from the Gordon MacPhail auction house for a 1968 Caol Ila Scotch from a private collection, referenced from the WhiskeyWash site:

Price: £7,500 (around $9,500 USD)

Colour: Dark gold.

Aroma: Delicate wisps of peat smoke combine with aromas of honey-cured meats and vanilla pods. Fruitcake-laden notes of nuts, raisins, and plump sultanas develop. A hint of menthol runs throughout. Undertones of zesty citrus and aromatic lemongrass linger.

Taste: A refined and subtle, yet warming, spice opens into raspberry, cranberry, and sweet baked apple flavours. Thick cut Seville orange marmalade and gentle Sherry influences develop with time. Mature oak notes add a slightly drying character.

Finish: A lingering finish of smouldering bonfire embers combine delicately with lemon zest and charred oak.

If that doesn’t get a collector’s bonfire smoldering, I don’t know what will.

Counterfeits are a serious problem

Even careful collectors can fall prey to one of the whiskey world’s big buyer bewares: There are a fair number of fake rarities in circulation. The folks at Rare Whisky 101, for example, work with geochemistry experts at Scottish labs to test a spirit’s age and origin; they consistently find a percentage of fakes.

Andy Simpson says there are multiple counterfeiting methods. “We broadly define fakes/forgeries into three categories: refills, replicas, and relics,” he says. “Refills can be both the easiest and the most challenging to spot. In some cases, a loose-fitting capsule can be simply slipped off a bottle, the contents emptied and replaced with inferior liquid, then the original capsule reapplied and ‘smoothed over.’ What you then in effect have is a perfect bottle, labels, closure, and capsule, just with the wrong contents. Providing the contents are color-matched well enough, they are 100 percent impossible to spot until they’re opened. 

“Replicas are when a high-value bottle has been forged, so they are in effect copies of an original bottle. Spotting these comes with experience. We also advise anyone inexperienced to do plenty of research before buying rare, old, valuable bottles. We have one very simple rule for these relics: Carbon-date a sample before committing to buy. Assume these are fake and prove them genuine before purchasing. What we actively encourage is for people to approach us and ask for our opinion of whether a bottle is real or fake,” Simpson says.

It’s not necessarily a growing market — but that shouldn’t matter

Though valuations for collectibles have rabbited upward for close to 10 years, the first half of 2019 saw a bit of slippage, according to Simpson. He specified high annual increases — up to 38 percent — for years, but slowing growth in the first half of 2019. That may have been due to a record supply of rarities, which has now calmed, and growth has resumed. 

Of course, a shrewd investment eye isn’t the end-all of the collectibles world. Love is also part of the story. “When I buy a bottle, it’s because I fell in love with it one way or another, I can’t get rid of it that easily,” says Bigot. “I have a lot of unopened bottles in my whisky cabinet that I just keep, probably waiting for the special occasion, but every bottle I buy has a purpose. Or so I like to tell myself.”

And if you’re able to sip judiciously, you can stretch that one special occasion to many. “I think that’s the beauty of whiskey,” says Sloan. “Once you open a bottle of whiskey, it’s not like wine. You don’t have to polish it off in 12 to 24 hours. There’s something to opening it up, trying it, and then going back to it a few months later, trying it again, and seeing how it changed in the glass. It’s not unheard of for somebody to open a bottle of whiskey and have it open for a year or two years. It depends on how much self-control they have.”

I’d love to test my self-control with a $25,000 bottle of bourbon, but that will have to wait. And no matter what I do buy, I’m keeping every bottle now — who knows when an empty one will fetch a good price?

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