South by Southwest Interactive just ended. It’s a self-described “incubator of cutting-edge technologies and digital creativity,” in which thousands of people charged with incubating that creativity descend on Austin, Texas, to talk technology, eat tacos, and drink.

I was browsing through some of the bios of people there and realized that even after reading them I had no idea what these people do. Their bios consisted of words, certainly, but in an order and with a conviction that made no sense.

Technology has inspired some of the strangest, most ill-defined job titles. (Example: I’m supposedly a UX designer at Vox, but I spend most of my time working on development, and at the current moment, I’m writing a story that has nothing to do with UX or design.) We are still trying to understand just what is possible in most digital jobs, and we’re nowhere near agreeing on any set standards. This happens at any time of major technical change — remember when we used to call car drivers automobilists?

At some point, we’ll settle on set terms that are somewhat understood by people in the industry, but until then, people can and do create totally opaque job descriptions. What the hell does “divergent fields” mean? Are you a mathematician? What do you actually do?

I asked for help from the Vox Product and Vox.com teams to enter business 2.0 nouns and verbs into a spreadsheet, and then used those to create a bullshit job description generator.

Try it out. Add it to your Twitter bio, or whatever.

.headline-code-thing { position: relative;}.sharingthings { margin-bottom: 2em; width: 100%;}.sharething { color: #fff !important; display: block; float: left; line-height: 3em; width: 50%; text-align: center;}.sharething:hover { text-decoration: none;}.tweetme { background: #00aced;}.tweetme:before { content: "\e00f"; font-family: voxicon; margin-right: 10px; position: relative; top: .2em; -webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; -moz-osx-font-smoothing: grayscale; text-rendering: geometricPrecision;}.facebookme { background: #325a97;}.facebookme:before { content: "\e005"; font-family: voxicon; margin-right: 10px; position: relative; top: .2em; -webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; -moz-osx-font-smoothing: grayscale; text-rendering: geometricPrecision;}.enternameinput,#generateddescription { background-color: #e9e7e8; padding: 15px; margin: 0;}.enternameinput input { line-height: 40px; padding: 5px; width: 100%;}#generatedescription { margin-bottom: 2em; padding: 2em; width: 100%;}@media ( max-width: 800px ) { #generatedheadline { font-size: .8em; padding: 3em 1em; } .tweetme { top: 0; }}var RandomGenerator = RandomGenerator || {};RandomGenerator = { settings: { key: 'https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1tLcdWF4AkZ_CO2tZcBojVY9oWL1a44bmjs72PFCxroA/pubhtml', titles: ["futurist","technologist","hacker","tinkerer","ninja","life coach","rock star","guru","sherpa","shaman","wizard","pundit","analyst","curator","charlatan","generalist","thinker","brand","creative artist","marketer","lone wolf","hippie","creative cannibal ","spirit animal","cyborg theorist","ronin","renegade","maverick","time traveler","thought leader","freelance writer","prophet","intrapreneur","resident pontificator","growth hacker","ingenue","consultant","reject","former musician","NYT best-seller","jack-of-all-trades","former child star","advocate","music fan","asset","Nickelback apologist","historian","journalist","troll","mastermind","warrior"], fields: ["systems thinking","Six Sigma","method acting","thinking outside the box","death hacking","old Star Trek episodes","quantum mechanics","warp-field theory","democratic revolutions","ancient Sumerian poetry","advanced statistics","mathematical modeling","team building","childbirth labor","your expense account","santeria","tea-leaf reading","extensive lobbying","Google","homeopathy","dental precision topology","Vox.com","alpha dominance","homeopathic solution modeling","semiotics","spatial relations ","conspiracy theories","content management systems","sharing economy","drunken econometrics","future of journalism","wide layoffs","benefits cutting","alchemy","Dilbert cartoons","day trading","greenwashing","straight-up bullshit","fantasy football","wide approximation","Gamergate","sock puppets","blockchain technology","radical clarity","Google Analytics","TED talks","differential calculus","non-apology apologies ","whiteboards","synergy"], nouns: ["alternative methods","unorthodox paradoxes","unique visions","diverse stigmas","creative analysis","hyper-acute awareness","exponential growth","synergistic relationships","dead horse rhetoric","atomic explanations","unchecked growth","enlightenment","holistic nirvana","deep breathing","creative strategy","new models","heavy synergy","string theory","new paradigms","humanities ","deep-tissue massages","jargon generation","rocket science","film direction","plumbing","native apps","exciting advances","wealth","user-generated hot takes","memes","late-capitalism bubbles ","brand activations","best practices","advertainment"], hows: ["succeeding","usurping","demolishing","launching","increasing","dominating","winning","collaborating","birthing","championing","mansplaining","breaking shit","quietly tiptoeing","cost cutting","positive margins","incentivizing","monetizing","growth hacking","dunking","speeding","plodding ","crowding out","bombing","content making","data collecting","forging ","metric analysis","turd polishing","leaning in","gamifying ","disrupting","pivoting"], whats: ["divergent fields","growing plans","faithful worship","changing the world","making the world a better place","lunch","racial harmony","swimming in piles of money","human endeavors","clean energy","the digital sphere","home brewing","modern media stacks","reimagining the everyday","childcare","putting one foot forward","proletariat","post-zombie invasion societies","making short-form content","communism","the fertile ground of Southeast Asia","Africa","maintaining the patriarchy","long-term investments","discussing social issues","new partnerships","mommy blogs","a land war in Asia","dad Twitter","social media","big data","human resources","the cloud","new media","brands","trust-fund kids","web 2.0"], description: '' }, init: function() { this.bindUIActions(); }, bindUIActions: function() { $( '#generatedescription' ).on( 'click', RandomGenerator.generateResult ); $( '.tweetme' ).on( 'click', RandomGenerator.dothetweet ); $( '.facebookme' ).on( 'click', RandomGenerator.dothefacebook ); }, generateResult: function() { var name = $( '#entername' ).val(); if ( name == '' ) { name = 'You are '; } else { name = name + ' is '; } var title = RandomGenerator.randomize( RandomGenerator.settings.titles ), field = RandomGenerator.randomize( RandomGenerator.settings.fields ), noun = RandomGenerator.randomize( RandomGenerator.settings.nouns ), how = RandomGenerator.randomize( RandomGenerator.settings.hows ), what = RandomGenerator.randomize( RandomGenerator.settings.whats ); RandomGenerator.settings.description = name + 'a ' + title + ' who uses ' + field + ' to create ' + noun + ' of ' + how + ' in ' + what; // insert headline into html $( '#generateddescription' ).html( RandomGenerator.settings.description ); }, randomize: function( array ) { return array[ Math.floor( Math.random() * array.length ) ]; }, dothetweet: function() { // make description tweetable if ( RandomGenerator.settings.description.length > 116 ) { var text = RandomGenerator.settings.description.substring( 0, 113 ) + ' ...'; } else { var text = RandomGenerator.settings.description; } // google tracking stuffs var ga = '?utm_source=twitter%26utm_medium=social%26utm_campaign=vox%26utm_content=article-middle'; // open a window, close a door window.open( 'http://www.twitter.com/intent/tweet?text=' + text + '&url=' + window.location.href + ga, '', 'width=550, height=350, scrollbars=no' ); }, dothefacebook: function() { var facebookthing = 'https://www.facebook.com/dialog/feed?redirect_uri='; // google tracking stuffs var ga = '?utm_source=facebook%26utm_medium=social%26utm_campaign=vox%26utm_content=article-middle'; // facebook param stuff var name = encodeURIComponent( 'Make your own bullshit job description' ); var description = encodeURIComponent( RandomGenerator.settings.description ); // popup window.open( facebookthing + window.location.href + '&display=popup&app_id=1477830955774082&link=' + window.location.href + ga + '&name=' + name + '&description=' + description, '', 'width=550, height=350, scrollbars=no' ); }};( function() { RandomGenerator.init();} )();

Most months look like a jigsaw.

February 2015 is a rectangle.

Rectangles look like this: []

February is the only month where this is possible because it’s the only month that has a number of days divisible by 7, specifically 28. This means it can’t happen on a leap year because February has 29 days. Then if and only if February 1 starts on a Sunday, you get a rectangle month.

I decided to see if this occurs often so I wrote some code and found out it happens more than I thought. In the past 100 years, there have been 11 Februaries that make a rectangle.

The last pretty February was in 2009, which I didn’t notice. I didn’t notice the one before that because it was the ’90s and I was trying too hard to be Justin Timberlake and had too much blond hair dye to notice a calendar.

When is the next pretty February?

2026. Schedule your tweets.

Did anything happen in these pretty Februaries?

According to the great knowledge storage site Wikipedia, pretty Februaries in the past 100 years have had a lot of weather, a war, and a space thing.

• 1925: an earthquake in Canada
• 1931: an earthquake in New Zealand
• 1942: World War II
• 1953: a flood in Europe
• 1959: a blizzard in Newfoundland
• 1970: an avalanche at Val-d'Isère
• 1981: an earthquake in Athens
• 1987: a supernova is observed
• 1998: an earthquake in Afghanistan
• 2009: bushfires in Australia
• 2015: someone wrote a post about pretty Februaries
• 2026: ?

Are there any patterns here?

Sure. Over the last 100 years, a pretty February showed up in a 6, 11, 11, 6, 11, 11, 6 repeating pattern of years. If you take out the 11s, that’s 666, which means the Illuminati is real. [citation needed]

Am I dumber for reading this?

Probably not.

Anything else?

Every pretty February rectangle has a Friday the 13th.

Friday the 13ths also happen more than I thought. In the past 100 years there have been 171 Friday the 13ths, which means there is one to two a year. The next one is in March.

What does it all mean?

I like shapes.

Correction: There’s an excellent thread on Reddit that takes a look at the pattern on a much longer timeframe. I was looking just at the past 100 years. The 6, 11, 11, 6 pattern only happens for a limited time, but if you’re rooting for humanity to be around for a while longer, things get weird and the pattern falls apart around 2207. Thanks to Dylan Staley for pointing this out and looking into the longer timeframe.

So far this year, HBO’s John Oliver has “ripped into” the Obama administration’s drone policy, “absolutely destroyed” Dr. Oz, “completely destroyed” the idea that hard work can make you rich, and “ripped FIFA to shreds.” And that’s just on Vox.com. His violent rampage has also extended to other sites’ headlines, in a trend Oliver himself has noticed.

But John Oliver keeps obliterating things. And we here at Vox.com need to keep finding new headlines for his blood-soaked comedy routines. So, being a technology company, we figured there had to be a better way. And, sure, enough, there was. Introducing the John Oliver Headline Generator. Click below to headline Oliver’s latest spree killing.

I was waiting for Sherlock.

I had about four hours until the third season was available. Bored, up late, on the internet, poking around Netflix, I decided to watch an episode of Continuum.

Per usual, I saw the buffering screen, but this time there was an extra message: “The Verizon network is crowded right now. Adjusting video for smoother playback.”

I thought, “That’s interesting; I’ll take a screenshot and upload to Twitter.”

Oh snap, netflix. pic.twitter.com/wMfavoHOyj

— Yuri Victor ♥ (@yurivictor) June 4, 2014

This seems to have angered a lot of people.

There were a few responses at first asking about my setup (Mac/Chrome, Verizon FIOS WiFi router). A reporter from Re/code reached out, asking for permission to use the photo. Someone retweeted me with the comment “Spoken like a true snarky little entitled brat.”

A couple people tweeted that my screenshot was Photoshopped. I didn’t respond. It wasn’t.

I watched half of the third season of Sherlock, went to bed and didn’t really think about the tweet.

By the next morning, there were nearly 100 retweets. My name showed up in dozens of news outlets like The Verge (I work for its parent company, Vox Media), Quartz, Ars Technica, my old haunt The Washington Post, and The New York Times, the only other outlet who contacted me directly.

Now, two days later, I’ve been named in a cease and desist letter from Verizon to Netflix. My name is in a cease and desist letter based on a screenshot in a tweet about watching TV. Oh snap.

Someone in Slack asked if this was going to be my legacy. “Oh hey, you’re the Netflix buffering guy.”

Another person said, “You took a screenshot and saved net neutrality.”

I didn’t mean to wade into a debate on net neutrality or on the state of the telecommunication industry. I’m not an expert in how routing works. I’ll leave that to my colleague Timothy B. Lee who wrote: Yes, poor Netflix performance is Verizon’s fault.

I’m not blaming anyone. I generally am happy with Verizon FIOS and I friggin’ love Netflix.

I am going to watch the end of Sherlock later. I won’t be tweeting.

Yuri Victor is the senior user experience designer at Vox Media.