Discovery Channel's Shark Week tends to annoy a lot of shark experts. The channel invents mythical sharks that don't exist (like the 35-foot "submarine shark"), distorts shark facts, and wildly exaggerates how dangerous sharks actually are to humans.
Watch as Shark Week slowly drives this shark scientist insane
But perhaps no one finds Shark Week more exasperating than David Shiffman. Shiffman, a PhD student studying sharks at the University of Miami, has made it his personal mission over the years to expose Discovery Channel’s falsehoods and distortions.
This past weekend, Shiffman decided to binge-watch all of the Shark Week shows aired in 2014 and post his thoughts on Twitter. You can see his real-time descent into madness in this Storify stream, but I’ve selected a few of his greatest hits below:
Watching “Monster Hammerhead” — a Discovery Channel “documentary” about a mythical 20-foot hammerhead shark named “Old Hitler.”
So I'm starting my #sharkweek marathon with "monster hammerhead," Aka "hitler shark"
— David Shiffman (@WhySharksMatter) August 22, 2014 "We're gonna do WHATEVER it takes to find Hitler". Actual line from this #SharkWeek documentary
— David Shiffman (@WhySharksMatter) August 22, 2014 " there are 11 species of hammerhead" LOLnope #SharkWeek
— David Shiffman (@WhySharksMatter) August 22, 2014 Hammerheads haven't been spotted in record numbers dammit they're endangered
— David Shiffman (@WhySharksMatter) August 22, 2014 No dammit they're not tracking hammerheads to see if the Bahamas are where hitler shark hides sometimes
— David Shiffman (@WhySharksMatter) August 23, 2014 I don't understand why #SharkWeek couldn't just talk about the actual super-interesting work these scientists are doing.
— David Shiffman (@WhySharksMatter) August 23, 2014 Watching “I Escaped Jaws 2” — a segment about shark attacks
I feel for the victims of shark bites. Any human injury or death is a tragedy. But @sharkweek makes people think sharks are a threat to us
— David Shiffman (@WhySharksMatter) August 23, 2014 More people are killed by cows, toasters and flower pots than by #sharks , but @sharkweek promotes fear of these misunderstood animals
— David Shiffman (@WhySharksMatter) August 23, 2014 (Yes, cows are actually super dangerous. My mom was almost mauled as a child on our cousin's dairy farm) #SharkWeek
— David Shiffman (@WhySharksMatter) August 23, 2014 1/4 of sharks and rays are threatened with extinction, and media coverage affects public willingness to conserve them. #SharkWeek
— David Shiffman (@WhySharksMatter) August 23, 2014 Watching “Lair of the Mega Shark” — another pseudo-documentary about a fake shark
Next up is "lair of the mega shark". Sharks don't have lairs you guys. #SharkWeek
— David Shiffman (@WhySharksMatter) August 23, 2014 Oh good, another story about a legendary giant individual shark that's probably really a bunch of not quite that big sharks. #SharkWeek
— David Shiffman (@WhySharksMatter) August 23, 2014 You ever notice how all of these "quest for legendary giant shark" shows end without finding it? Because I've noticed. #SharkWeek
— David Shiffman (@WhySharksMatter) August 23, 2014 Finding sharks that are "almost 15 feet long" is awesome, does not prove the existence of 35 foot long sharks. #SharkWeek
— David Shiffman (@WhySharksMatter) August 23, 2014 Watching “Sharkaggedon” — yet another segment on shark attacks
Shark attacks are not rising, so the central premise of this show is false. #SharkWeek
— David Shiffman (@WhySharksMatter) August 24, 2014 We're now blaming the endangered species act for a rise in shark bites that is not actually happening. So yeah. #SharkWeek
— David Shiffman (@WhySharksMatter) August 24, 2014 Oh, now we're talking about rogue sharks, pseudoscience that was discredited 40-50 years ago. #SharkWeek
— David Shiffman (@WhySharksMatter) August 24, 2014 Was this script written by a drunk child? #SharkWeek
— David Shiffman (@WhySharksMatter) August 24, 2014 Watching “Zombie Sharks” — in which a diver flips sharks belly up and puts them in a sleep state known as “tonic immobility”
Please don't grab sharks and flip them over you guys. It's dangerous and disrespectful. #SharkWeek
— David Shiffman (@WhySharksMatter) August 24, 2014 If #SharkWeek had TALKED TO A SCIENTIST instead of guessing what they thought was happening, wildlife harassment could have been avoided
— David Shiffman (@WhySharksMatter) August 24, 2014 The @Discovery channel has made a conscious choice to perpetuate scientific misunderstanding in the US. Good work @SharkWeek
— David Shiffman (@WhySharksMatter) August 24, 2014 Watching “Shark of Darkness” — a fake documentary about a mythical “submarine shark”
This morning I'll be watching "shark of darkness," a two hour fake documentary about a legendary 30 foot great white #SharkWeek
— David Shiffman (@WhySharksMatter) August 24, 2014 You know a science channel documentary is good when it starts with vague disclaimers #SharkWeek pic.twitter.com/SZ1ZBtJvd8
— David Shiffman (@WhySharksMatter) August 24, 2014 "This was the work of one lone super shark with an appetite for human blood" - actual line. Scientists do not talk like this #SharkWeek
— David Shiffman (@WhySharksMatter) August 24, 2014 I don't doubt that actual people think they saw a big shark once. But it wasn't 35 feet long, and everyone in this show is an actor.
— David Shiffman (@WhySharksMatter) August 24, 2014 Oh, now we're claiming the 35 foot shark is so smart that it doesn't show up on SONAR. Ok then. #SharkWeek
— David Shiffman (@WhySharksMatter) August 24, 2014 "Some events dramatized" apparently means "we made the whole thing up to scare viewers who come to us for education" #SharkWeek
— David Shiffman (@WhySharksMatter) August 24, 2014 Watching “Megaladon: The New Evidence” — a segment claiming that a shark extinct for millions of years is still with us. (It isn’t.)
#Megalodon was definitely a real shark. There is no debate that it has been extinct for millions of years. pic.twitter.com/sIy5JT60eu
— David Shiffman (@WhySharksMatter) August 24, 2014 "Is it possible that a prehistoric shark measuring 70 feet long is still roaming our oceans today?" No. No it is not. #SharkWeek
— David Shiffman (@WhySharksMatter) August 24, 2014 Sharks eat other sharks all the time it doesn't mean that Megalodon isn't extinct AHHHHHHHH
— David Shiffman (@WhySharksMatter) August 24, 2014 Classy #SharkWeek , but the disappearance of the Malaysian airlines flight isn't proof that Megalodon is still alive
— David Shiffman (@WhySharksMatter) August 24, 2014 Wait are they claiming there's only ONE Megalodon that's been alive for 2 million years? Um... Do we need to have the birds and bees talk?
— David Shiffman (@WhySharksMatter) August 24, 2014 We're now claiming that government officials and scientists are lying to the public and that you shouldn't trust them. FFS #sharkweek
— David Shiffman (@WhySharksMatter) August 24, 2014 It’s worth noting that Shiffman wasn’t totally negative. He had excellent things to say about the “Alien Sharks” segment, which interviewed actual scientists and looked at rare and fascinating sharks around the ocean. But that was one of the lonely exceptions here.
You can follow Shiffman on Twitter here. And Craig Pittman of the Tampa Bay Times wrote an excellent profile of Shiffman and his never-ending battle against Shark Week.
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