There are people in the world who hate joy and want to ruin every show for themselves and maybe even for you. These are the people that told you every plot twist in the fifth season of The Good Wife. They casually mentioned how Breaking Bad ended over dinner. They probably even blabbed about who shot whom at the end of Reservoir Dogs while you were just trying to walk your dog.
What’s crazier than the fact that these people are still alive and also find love and happiness? There are people who like it when these people ruin things for them! And for those crazy people, Netflix has given us all a gift: an entire site of spoilers!
On the site, you can take a quiz and find out what kind of spoiler you are, and learn the complete taxonomy of spoilers such as the “shameless spoiler” who doesn’t care about you and tell you every plot point. Fine. This is fine. What’s not fine is the portion of the site titled “Spoil Yourself,“ which displays in rapid succession the biggest plot twists of many things on Netflix. Because you know what’s unimportant to understanding a story? Context.
This seems like a bad business strategy. Why on earth would someone watch all of these things on Netflix if they already know the plot twists needed to pretend like they have watched them? But it’s also mean. Spoilers are mean. Stop spoiling things, Netflix.
(Confidential to all fans of spoiling your friends: invite everyone you know over for dinner this week. Hook your computer to your TV. Blast this site at full volume as they arrive. Cackle as your karma turns hideous and twisted.)
