The 10 funniest parodies of the obviously fake Obama-Netanyahu phone transcript

On Tuesday, Israel’s Channel 1 published what it says is a transcript of President Obama’s private phone call to Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu asking for an immediate ceasefire. It is true that Obama called Netanyahu on Sunday and that, according to the White House, he called for an immediate and unilateral. It is not true, according to everybody on earth except for Channel 1, that Channel 1’s transcript is remotely accurate. It is transparently fictional, and appears crafted in such a way as to make Obama appear unreasonable and obtuse despite Netanyahu’s reasoned objections to a ceasefire.

Twitter’s many MidEast-watchers, perhaps needing a brief levity break from the awful and now three-week-long Israel-Gaza conflict, have piled on with parodies of the conversation. Some of them are even pretty funny. Here is Channel 1’s transcript (it was originally in Hebrew, which the Times of Israel translated “back” into English), followed by some of the less-groanworthy parodies.

Barack Obama: I demand that Israel agrees to an immediate, unilateral ceasefire and halt all offensive activities, in particular airstrikes.

Benjamin Netanyahu: And what will Israel receive in exchange for a ceasefire?

BO: I believe that Hamas will cease its rocket fire - silence will be met with silence.

BN: Hamas broke all five previous ceasefires. It’s a terrorist organization dedicated to the destruction of Israel.

BO: I repeat and expect Israel to stop all its military activities unilaterally. The pictures of destruction in Gaza distance the world from Israel’s position.

BN: Kerry’s proposal was completely unrealistic and gives Hamas military and diplomatic advantages.

BO: Within a week of the end of Israel’s military activities, Qatar and Turkey will begin negotiations with Hamas based on the 2012 understandings, including Israel’s commitment to removing the siege and restrictions on Gaza.

BN: Qatar and Turkey are the biggest supporters of Hamas. It’s impossible to rely on them to be fair mediators.

BO: I trust Qatar and Turkey. Israel is not in the position that it can choose its mediators.

BN: I protest because Hamas can continue to launch rockets and use tunnels for terror attacks -

BO: (interrupting Netanyahu) The ball’s in Israel’s court, and it must end all its military activities.

Before we proceed: my favorite part is when Obama allegedly insists that he “trusts” Qatar. That is something that an Israeli might believe is true, but taking the view from Washington, it is pretty clear based on US disagreements with Qatar over Egypt and Syria that Obama would never actually say this. It also seems highly likely that an Israeli wrote this; every Obama response is like a parody of the Israeli perception that the US does not understand its problems.

Now the parodies: