President Obama’s Spotify summer playlist, ranked

You will find no D.R.A.M or Halsey. There’s Beyoncé and Mala Rodríguez, but Donnie Trumpet is mysteriously missing. Taylor Swift is not even in the neighborhood, and neither are any trap queens, so keep driving. I’m referring, of course, to the artists included in President Barack Obama’s summer songs playlist on Spotify. It’s not the coolest playlist; it is also not the worst. Grade? B-.

To help you sort through the president’s music choices, ranked below from worst to best are all the songs included in his two summer playlists. The ranking is based on 30 years’ worth of personally great summers and my obsession with all good music.

40. “Paradise,” Coldplay

39. “Shake It Out,” Florence + The Machines

38. “Red & White & Blue & Hold,” Aoife O’Donavan

37. “Pusher Love Girl,” Justin Timberlake

36. “Until,” Cassandra Wilson

35. “Down Down the Deep River,” Okkervil River

34. “You Don’t Know Me,” Ray Charles

33. “How Can You Mend a Broken Heart,” Al Green

32. “Nothing Even Matters,” Lauryn Hill/D’Angelo

31. “The Best Is Yet to Come,” Frank Sinatra/Count Basie

30. “Memories Live,” Reflection Eternal

29. “Gimme Shelter,” The Rolling Stones

28. “La Salsa La Traigo Yo,” Sonora Carruseles

27. “Wherever Is Your Heart,” Brandi Carlile

26. “Suzanne,” Leonard Cohen

25. “I’ve Got Dreams to Remember,” Otis Redding

24. “Flamenco Sketches,” Miles Davis

23. “Boozophilia,” Low Cut Connie

22. “So Much Trouble in the World,” Bob Marley & the Wailers

21. “Help Me,” Joni Mitchell

20. “Wang Dang Doodle,” Howlin’ Wolf

19. “Woo,” Erykah Badu

18. “Superpower,” Beyoncé/Frank Ocean

17. “Live It Up, Parts 1 & 2,” The Isley Brothers

16. “I Found My Everything,” Mary J. Blige/Raphael Saadiq

15. “Tombstone Blues,” Bob Dylan

14. “My Favorite Things,” John Coltrane

13. “Hot Fun in the Summertime,” Sly & the Family Stone

12. “UMI Says,” Mos Def

11. “Rock Steady,” Aretha Franklin

10. “Tengo Un Trato — Remix,” Mala Rodríguez

9. “Moondance,” Van Morrison

8. “The Very Thought of You,” Billie Holiday

7. “Stubborn Love,” the Lumineers

6. “Good Day,” Nappy Roots

5. “Another Star,” Stevie Wonder

4. “Is Your Love Big Enough,” Lianne La Havas

3. “Green Light,” John Legend/André 3000

2. “Feeling Good,” Nina Simone

1. “Ain’t Too Proud to Beg,” the Temptations

Disclosure: These rankings are extremely permanent, moveable neither by time nor will. This list will be incorporated into the swearing-in ceremony for the next president; it will be added to the US Constitution. In fact, how you react to each song will determine how truly successful you’ll be in life, what color hair you should really have, if you’re more Kanye or Kim, and how old you actually look.