My eyes are getting quite a workout this election season from rolling them every time someone threatens to leave the US should Donald Trump become president. Google searches for "move to Canada" skyrocket. Cape Breton Island welcomes US citizens. People are ready to flee. Oh, come on.
For celebrities, no problem. Miley Cyrus. Whoopi Goldberg. Et tu, Jon Stewart? They have the resources to go in style. For the rest of us, it's not so easy, because we need money to live, and finding work in a foreign country is complicated. Plus, if you'd like to stay in one place more than 180 days, the length of most visas, you'll need residency.
Living abroad is, as they say in Spanish, complicado. Which is a polite way to express what is actually a logistical nightmare. And even if it weren't so difficult to establish residency in another country, it is ethically questionable to leave just because you don't like the president.
Living abroad as an American means endless paperwork
Let me tell you about my seven-year journey to Argentine residency. It's a tedious and painful read, but it's important you know this before getting carried away by dreams of escaping the Trump presidency via emigration.
I left the United States almost 10 years ago, spurred by the cumbersome process of finding a preschool for my then-2-year-old daughter. There were applications, group interviews, personal interviews, and essays to write — all for the privilege of paying $20,000 a year to send a toddler to play.
My frustration with preschool reflected a general dissatisfaction I had with life in New York. Everything felt too complicated, too expensive, and injected pointless competition into all aspects of life. I couldn't see raising my daughter like that. So we sold everything and left for a year of open-ended world exploration with the ultimate goal of finding a new place to live.
We traveled through Europe, Canada, and the United States. We lived in Panama and Costa Rica, too. But the day our bus crossed into the lush green mountains of the Salta province of Argentina, something clicked, and I knew we were home. Unfortunately, our tourist visas only allowed us three months. We renewed them for another three, but at six months we had to go. So we took the 12-hour bus trek to Chile. The next time we had to leave, we went to the United States. Then to Bolivia. All the while, I gathered paperwork.
We submitted papers three separate times. Each time, some new obstacle stood in the way.
Oh, lord, the paperwork. Trámites, they call it in Spanish, which is Argentine shorthand for "Don't be surprised if you don't see me for days." You enter the DMV-like waiting room and take a number as if you're waiting your turn at a bakery, but instead of a chocolate-dipped cannoli you get a chat with a bored public servant who has processed far too many of the exact pieces of paper you need.
One particular paper — the FBI international criminal background check — symbolizes the residency process best. In the United States, an employer might require a background check before your first day of work. You need it for residency, because it's on the checklist of documents you need to apply for your work visa or residency in most countries. This paper assures your new host country that according to the FBI and Interpol, you are not a criminal.
One important tip. Remember to tell the FBI you're applying for residency in another country, so they'll print your background check on the special paper you must have for the apostille stamp. Don't know what apostille is? Look it up. Because if you're planning to move to another country, you should immediately get comfortable with researching minutiae of this sort.
Only the State Department, though, can issue the apostille, so that's the next stop once you receive your official report from the FBI. Note: There is nothing on any website to tell you this. I found out via trial and error.
After four to six weeks, you receive the FBI document, then send your specially papered FBI criminal background report along with a separate application form and fee to the State Department. It takes another four to six weeks for the apostille, unless you can take it to Washington in person, which obviously you can't because you're filing paperwork in another country where leaving would immediately invalidate the very paperwork you're attempting to obtain. Then, in a fittingly Borgesian twist, this paper is only valid for three months, but with all the different departments, signatures, and seals you likely need more three months to receive the thing.














